Movie Beatdown-House of Wax

Welcome to another episode of my newly not so acclaimed, Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “House of Wax”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

House of Wax is a 2005 slasher film directed by Jaume Collet-Serra and written by Charles Belden, Chad Hayes and Carey Hayes, based on a story by Belden. The film stars Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt in a dual role, Paris Hilton, Jared Padalecki, Jon Abrahams and Robert Ri’chard. It is a loose remake of the 1953 film of the same name, itself a remake of the 1933 film Mystery of the Wax Museum.

House of Wax premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival and was released in United States theaters on May 6, 2005, by Warner Bros. Pictures. The film grossed over $70 million worldwide and received generally negative reviews from critics, who criticized its lack of originality, screenplay and characters, but praised the performances and atmosphere.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown.

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We start the movie with a boiling pot on a stove in 1974 filled with hot wax being stirred by a chain smoking mamma. She pours the wax into a facial mold while bonding with one of the kids in a high chair. In comes the father bringing a screaming and misbehaved child where they tape him into his high chair while he continues to be delinquent.

In Defense of Jaume Collet-Serra – Reluctant Habits

The boy scratches the mom’s hand and she slaps him. That’s why you don’t’ give your child high fructose corn syrup and yellow dye number two!

Opening title appears.

House of Wax (2005) Theatrical Trailer HD - YouTube

Carly(Elisha Cuthbert) and Paige(Paris Hilton) are eating French fries at a restaurant on a break from a trip to Louisiana for a football game. This scene is already not believable since I don’t believe that Paris Hilton…especially in 2006, eats French fries. Wade(Jared Padelecki, from your favorite Supernatural series), Nick(Chad Michael Murray. YUM!), Blake(Robert Ri’chard), and Dalton(Jon Abrahams, from Scary Movie…I will always remember him in that masterpiece!) are also on this trip as well. Wade has apprehencions towards Carly about dragging her rebellious twin brother, Nick along for the trip. Nobody asked you SAM! In my opinion, I’m not the most fond of Jared Padelecki. He is overrated! And how dare you have problems with Chad Michael Murray! Dalton is annoying everybody with recording the whole trip on his video camera. He even goes to lengths with filming Paige and Blake having a kissing session in the car. Sorry Dalton, there is already a film with Paige’s kissing abilities. Its called “A Night in Paris”! As they are driving, they catch Paige in the other vehicle reaching for her lip balm in the drivers seat, looking more like she was giving road head.

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The night before the game, they camp in a field, doing normal young adult activities with drinking and playing loud music and tossing the old pigskin football. The girls dress Dalton up in the girl’s clothes. The guys stated that he looks like Elton John, only gayer…how is that even possible?! A gust of wind causes the camp to reek of a smell worse than death. They could’ve at least set up camp somewhere that isn’t by a sewage plant! At least nobody is nearby where they are annoying the neighborhood. Or is there?

Paris Hilton Plastic Surgery Gallery - Today's Evil Beet Gossip – Today's  Celebrity Gossip from Evil Beet Gossip
Pin on House of Wax

A stranger in a pickup truck arrives and taunts the children by not turning their headlights off, irritating Nick as he smashes one of his headlights with his beer bottle. What a good waste of alcohol. As the night of drinking and stupidity closes, the video camera gets stolen, and shows whomever creeping on the campers. Is it a raccoon? I thought it was, since they left all of their food just sitting out there! That’s how you get raccoons, people! Carly hears a noise, startling her, making her curious to check it out like any other rational and stupid horror movie character would do. She scopes around the neighborhood and finds nothing out of the ordinary.

The next morning, aka 2:30 according to Blake. The girls go out in the woods to pee. Again, I don’t believe that Paris Hilton pees either. She has to be a robot!

Fear Catalogue on Twitter: "Fashion in horror: Paige Marie Edwards — House  of Wax, 2005… "

Another gust of wind brings the nasty smell, making Carly curious. Wade discovers that his car’s fan belt is broken. Carly eventually falls into a pit of rotting animal carcasses. She also finds a hand in the batch of animal goodies. Paige almost vomits, which I do believe she has that function. After rescuing her, the group meet Lester, who pulls the hand out of the carcasses to prove that the body part is plastic. “Anyone need a hand?” what a comedic genious!

House of Wax | Netflix: Everything That's Been Added to Streaming in 2016 |  POPSUGAR Entertainment Photo 14

Nick becomes a supportive brother and gives Carly his white beater, exposing my teenage crush’s hot body. Drool! Lester drives Carly and Wade to the nearby town of Ambrose for a new fan belt while the rest head to the football game. Naturally, he creeps out Carly and Wade with his rotting animal parts in the truck and him checking out Carly and also showing off his very dangerous and sharp hunting knife.

House Of Wax Review | Movie - Empire

The others are stuck in traffic on their way to the game and end up turning the truck around since they aren’t used to waiting.

The Paradise of Horror: September 2010

Carly and Wade arrive in Ambrose, which is virtually a ghost town. There are signs of a beauty pagent that they laugh at and find a pet store with puppies sleeping, and their tails wagging as if they are excited…completely defeating the purpose of sleeping. They only saw one person looking out the window creeping at them. At the local church, they find a funeral in progress and meet Bo. It’s rude to interrupt a funeral! Once Bo leaves the church, offers to sell them a fan belt after the funeral. Wade then accuses Carly of having every man into her.

House of Wax discovered by coubtristan on We Heart It

Side note, this is one of the many reasons I don’t like Jared Padelecki. He always plays these douchy crybaby characters. I personally am not a fan of his!

While waiting, they visit “Trudy’s House of Wax”, a wax museum which is itself made of wax and the central feature of the town.

House of Wax' Remake still Stands as a Price-less '00s Teen Slasher |  HorrorGeekLife

Cuts to some hands molding out another wax figure being interrupted by Wade’s complaining. Wade and Carly admire all of the intricacy of the wax figurines and check out the grim aesthetic. Wade finds a dog, assuming that it’s wax, but isn’t. What a wuss! Carly finds weird figurines and notices the name Vincent carved on most of them. Wade finds two highchairs, one of which has the name Vincent on it while Carly gets startled by a person looking at them from outside with what looks like a face made of wax. Wade checks it out while Carly says inside like smart people not sticking together. She gets spooked by one of the wax figures with half of its face melted causing her to knock it over, breaking it and being disrespectful towards other people’s property.

Cut back to the rest of the group, Nick and Dalton go pee together like straight me usually do as close as they were. Blake asks them to go check on Wade and Carly while he and Paige go fornicate.

Wade and Carly follow Bo to his house to get the fan belt. Wade goes to use his bathroom while Carly waits in Bo’s truck.

Nick and Dalton are driving to Ambrose, noticing that the town is nowhere on the GPS system, causing concern.

While inside, he does anything but urinate. Actually he does, but he gets nosy and going through all of Bo’s possessions. He finds many face molds and a surgical table complete with a set of tools. Carly becomes impatient and moseys outside the vehicle and notices that the truck is missing one of its headlights, making her honk the horn to gather Wade’s attention to get him out of the house. The lights suddenly go out. Scary! The door is locked and he is trapped inside and eventually attacked and knocked unconscious by Bo’s twin brother Vincent, who wears a wax mask to cover his facial disfigurement from when the twins were once conjoined. Carly tries to call Paige, but she is too busy making another porno in the woods. Bo comes out and Carly locks herself in the truck and she confronts him for being at the campsite last night. He attacks her and tries to get away, but has horrible driving skills and gets all but thirty feet. Bo catches up to the truck, making her run into the town to hide.

Meanwhile, Vincent gives Wade a drug that permanently paralyzes him. He tends to his wounds and gives his entire face a wax. At lease if it doesn’t work out in this move, he could wax eyebrows and do bikini waxes! Such talent! He then sets up Wade in a contraption to keep him still and covers his body in molten wax. As much as I don’t like the character or the actor…that absolutely sucks!

House Of Wax: Jared Padalecki's Disturbing Death Explained

Carly runs to the church for help and finds the congregation all wax dummies. Da fuq?! She then realizes that the entire town is staged to be believable. She accidentally breaks one of the figures arms, revealing bone and blood, revealing that these are actual people converted into wax sculptures. Bo arrives and she hides under the pastor’s robe. Out of all the places, she had to hide next to the crotch of the innocent one! How disrespectful! Bo soon abducts Carly, restraining her in the gas station cellar and gluing her lips shut. I guess that is one way to get somebody to shut up! Most people ask kindly. Others use duct tape. At least it isn’t Gorilla Glue! During the restraining, she finds the scars on Bo’s wrists that revealed that he was the naughty child during the first scene. And we all thought that Vincent was the one. Never assume, people!

House of Wax (2005) |

Nick and Dalton split up once they get to Ambrose to look for Wade and Carly. Dalton walks toward the House of Wax. Nick finds Bo at the repair shop, where Carly breaks one of the arms of the chair to gather Nick’s attention.

House of Wax B-Movie Review

When Carly tries to alert Nick, Bo cuts off her finger tip which must be hella painful! This poor girl couldn’t even scream! She then does the smart thing and tears her lips apart and screams for help. Bo attacks Nick, but isn’t a match for my seventh ex husband Chad Michael Murray who uses his badass moves to save his sister. My hero!

Back at the House of Wax, Dalton admires the amazing craftmanship of the museum and eventually finds Wade at the piano, who is unable to move in his wax coating.

Films From Bobby's Childhood – House of Wax (2005) In Review | Everything's  Better With Bob?

Dalton tries to free Wade by peeling off the wax from his face, inadvertently removing his skin in the process. Its one of theose scenes in movies where Dalton tries to fix it but only makes it worse. He is then ambushed and chased into the basement and eventually decapitated by Vincent. During the ambush, Vincent tried to sneak attack Dalton, but slices Wade’s cheek off. Poor guy!

House Of Wax Wade - burnsocial
House of Wax - Dalton's death on Make a GIF

Carly and Nick continue to realize the wax figures are actually the wax-coated corpses of visitors lured into town, including the woman who looked out the window. Bo had been manipulating Vincent into murdering people to make more realistic wax figures.

Cut back to the porno where Paige and Blake are being helpful for the cause and not doing anything for the broken truck or searching for their friends. Their music get cut and Blake goes to check it out. Vincent kills Blake at the campsite. Apparently Paris Hilton doesn’t have any sense of hearing since she didn’t hear him get killed ten feet away.

dy-House-of-Wax-Robert-Richard - Black Horror Movies

Paige gets spooked by Vincent and chases Paige to an abandoned sugar mill where many abandoned cars are dumped from all of the victims in addition to boxes of old cell phones (Nokia..haha) and possessions.

House Of Wax: How Paris Hilton Shaped The Movie's Viral Marketing

I will give credit to Paris Hilton and her acting skills in this part. She was believable with running scared and doing what she could to survive. She sliced her heel during the chase and hides in one of the cars with a broken pipe. Vincent finds her and hides behind another car, where he throws a metal pipe through her forehead. As she slowly dies, her head drifts down the pipe little by little as if she is praying. Probably praying for forgiveness for being on The Simple Life.

House Of Wax 2005 Movie Brian Van Holt Paris Hilton Screen Used Prop Pike |  Movies, Scary movies, Paris hilton

Carly and Nick search the town to find something to defend themselves with. Bo finds them and chases the siblings into the movie theater where a showing of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. I did not know about that until I rewatched this movie for the sake of this beatdown. I guess the makers were trying to get brownie points with the gays? Bo goes into the screening, while the siblings sit like the figurines being believable with their sweaty faces, blending in with the crowd.

House of Wax (2005)

Bo finds her and shoots poorly at the figurines and killing their actual wax coated bodies. Nick shoots Bo with the crossbow in the chest and arm. They go to Bo’s truck to get Carly’s phone and it wasn’t there. They go inside the house to look for the phone and Wade. As they search the premises, they find the pictures of the conjoined twins. Bo stumbles inside to tend to his more-than-a-little flesh wounds as he jigsaws himself by pulling out the arrows from his arm and chest. Vincent arrives in a towtruck carrying Paige and Blake, where Carly could see it. The siblings find an underground passage that takes them back to the House of Wax, finding a mass assortment of breaker boxes. Since their dumb asses couldn’t see in the tunnel, they try to see if one of them would turn on a light to help them see. It only turned all of the lights on and off in the entire town, blowing their cover. They make it to the wax workroom and find Dalton dead and covered in wax in the contraption.

Buy House of Wax (2005) - Microsoft Store

Vincent finds them and starts a little fight scene. Nick unintentionally starts a massive fire. Once they get to the main level, they find Wade and Bo. They start fighting and breaking a bunch of shit, including the innocent wax people. The fire gets out of control, causing the figures, as well as the entire museum, to start melting.

House of Wax (2005) - Psycho Drive-In

This scene was actually cool as the faces were all melting and there was nowhere to run, since the floor was melting. Making it difficult to walk like Nancy going up the stairs in Nightmare on Elm Street. Bo stabs Nick in the leg before Carly beats the shit out of Bo to death with a baseball bat. Upon seeing him dead, Vincent chases Carly to the top floor where she tries to reason with him about his brother’s treachery.

Movie Villain Deaths — Bo Sinclair - House of Wax (2005)
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As Nick makes his way up the waxy stairs like Nancy did in Nightmare on Elm Street, Bo disappears into the melting floor.

Carly barricades the door with the wax furniture, but with heat, comes soft wax making it easy to cut through with a knife and break in.

House of Wax (2005) - Rotten Tomatoes

Nick comes to the rescue and removes the wax mask, revealing his half face poorly done with CGI. She removes the knife embedded in Nick’s leg and stabs Vincent to death. The floor collapses and Vincent lands on top of Bo like they were born face to back of head. I don’t understand this part…but if Bo died and fell into the burning basement, he would’ve been charred. The only thing that appeared to be untouched by the blazing fire was his dead body. Oh well!

House Of Wax Deaths | Creative Thoughts Wiki | Fandom

Carly and Nick felt trapped with the continuously melting and collapsing structure before using their high school brains to tear apart the wax walls to dig themselves out and escape as the building melts to the ground. I guess that Vincent won’t get his shot at Brazilian waxes afterall…how sad.

House of Wax movie review & film summary (2005) | Roger Ebert

The next morning, the police arrive to gather evidence. Nick sees Dalton’s camera being taken away in a evidence bag while he was in the ambulance. The officer told him that he couldn’t have it since it was evidence. The sheriff comes to report that Ambrose has been abandoned for ten years since the sugar mill shut down. As Nick and Carly are taken to hospital, Nick shows Carly the camera because somehow he was able to sneak out of the ambulance and into the police vehicle to steal evidence…whatever. The police learn the Sinclairs had a third son. From inside the ambulance, Carly spots Lester with the Sinclairs’ family dog, waving them goodbye as they are driven out of town.

for the collection — Just Being Nice

We cut to My Chemical Romance closing out the credits with their badass music!

The end!

Let’s hand out some awards.

The Haunted Hunk with no surprise will go to Chad Michael Murray. He was my high school crush, and will forever be in my Cinderella Story! And when he took off his shirt in this movie…

9 House of wax ideas | scary movies, favorite movies, horror movies
Drooling Face Meme (Page 1) -

The Killer Slay-aka best kill will surprisingly go to Wade. It will be the only award I will give to him ONLY due to the fact that his death was very drawn out. He was paralyzed while getting a full face and body wax before losing a cheek and eventually getting killed at some point. I’m not sure when, but he went down with the melting house…so yeah.

The Basic Beheading-aka worse kill will go to Dalton. It didn’t even show the beheading! If you are going to kill the other characters and show it…you better commit!

Overall Rating- 6.8 stars out of 10. ******

I do enjoy this movie from time to time. I have a problem with Jared Peledecki’s acting. That alone loses points, no matter how much I wanted his character to die. I also have a problem with Paris Hilton’s acting in parts of this movie. She is smart and very talented. When she has to dumb herself down to recreate her persona on the Simple Life, there is a problem. I did like her in the later part of the movie. She was very convincing in her chase scene. Apart from the acting choices, I thought that the movie was mostly done well.

If you have seen or heard of this movie…comment below about what you like or dislike!

And there you have it! Another beatdown in the archives! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we are going to hang out with our St. Patricks mascot on “Leprechaun”.

If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Also, if you love horror just as much as I do, preorder your copy of my debut novel Cardinal Rules. In the Books section, you can select one of the links on where you would like to purchase! It will be coming out in eight days!

Cardinal Rules by Brady Phoenix

Until next time…keep slaying!

Movie Beatdown-The Slumber Party Massacre

Welcome to another episode of my newly not so acclaimed, Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “The Slumber Party Massacre”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

The Slumber Party Massacre (also known as The Slumber Party Murders in the United Kingdom) is a 1982 American slasher film directed by Amy Holden Jones, and written by Rita Mae Brown. It is the first installment in the Slumber Party Massacre trilogy, and stars Michelle Michaels, Robin Stille, and Michael Villella. The film follows a high school senior who gathers her friends for a slumber party, unaware that an escaped power drill-wielding killer is loose in the neighborhood.

The film was originally written by Brown as a parody of the slasher genre but was shot as a straightforward horror film instead. As a result, it contains more humor, both intended and unintended, than usual for the genre at the time.

The Slumber Party Massacre grossed $3.6 million at the box office on a budget of $220,000, and received mixed reviews from critics. Despite the reception, it has obtained a large cult following since its release. Two sequels, Slumber Party Massacre II and Slumber Party Massacre III, followed in 1987 and 1990, respectively.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown.

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The opening credits start with lovely organ music that cuts with abrupt key changes. Like if somebody punched the keys at random to make it scary. This is something that continuously happens in the movie when a scary scene occurs. In Venice, Los Angeles, Trish Deveraux, an 18-year-old high school senior awakens to get dressed, showing the movie’s first boob shot within the first five minutes. She then packs all of her childhood toys in a bag to throw them out. I’m assuming that it’s because she didn’t want any of her friends to see them at her slumber party while her parents are away…which is stupid! Just hide them in the damn closet like normal people! Think of how the toys feel!

Their neighbor, Mr. David Contant, is given the job of checking on the girls. She walks away from the trash can and the scene cuts away to a hand taking a Barbie doll, which I would do the same thing too. It was a cute Barbie, and that idiot threw it away! One man’s trash…

MUFFApproved: The Slumber Party Massacre | The MUFF Society

Meanwhile, Russ Thorn, an escaped mass murderer, kills a telephone repair woman and steals her van after Jeff and Neil hit on her creepily. She gets wrestled in the van before getting drilled…by the murder weapon.

Zisi Emporium for B Movies: The Slumber Party Massacre, Scream Queens  Drilled

We then cut to the girl’s basketball team practicing, poorly. Trish meets up with her friends Kim, Jackie, and Diane after an awkward shower scene where there is more unnecessary nudity, unless if you are into that stuff.

The Slumber Party Massacre - Tviso

She invites the new girl, Valerie, to the party but she declines the offer. Probably because she was the only one at basketball practice that was actually doing decent. She can do better than going to a slumber party with a bunch of amateurs!

Film on the Internet: THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE | The-Solute

Some of the girls were reluctant to inviting her, to the point where they assumed because “she drank too much milk,” OHMYGAWD! Lactose hater! After school, one of their classmates, Linda, goes back into the school to retrieve a book but gets locked inside, since most schools chain and padlock their doors after hours.

Driller Killer: Revisiting the 'Slumber Party Massacre' Trilogy! - Bloody  Disgusting

She is attacked, chased around the school for way too long of period of time while the crazy organ plays. She gets drilled in the arm and eventually finds a decent hiding spot…behind a door. Seriously, why would you hide behind a door that is able to be opened? You deserve to be killed second! Her cover is blown shortly after with the blood that dripped underneath and then Russ drills through the door and ends with her screaming bloody murder, not knowing what in the hell actually happened to her. Russ then runs out the building, that is now suddenly unlocked towards the repair van.

Diane then walks home alone carrying her textbooks…like she knows how to read? The camera is following her shakily with the illusion that somebody is following her, or has nicotine withdrawals. A hand grabs her, and she kung fu flips him to the ground. It was good ole’ jock John. They exchange a few words that nobody gives a hoot about and then we cut to the gym teacher. She drives home and the radio talks about Russ’s escape before she changes it to something more interesting. She makes it to her door, and a drill breaks through startling her. Gotcha! Just a neighbor creating a new peephole for her door.

Trish then plays her piano very well…I’m surprised that she didn’t throw that shit out too! People judge piano players just the same as Barbie’s! Then we go back to the gym teacher drinking wine out of a regular glass as she grates cheese before knocking it to the floor, making a mess. Maybe if you had the appropriate glass that wasn’t at the edge of the counter, this wouldn’t be an issue! Better grab your Brawny! Super absorbent! If you couldn’t tell, there is a lot of back-and-forth action with different characters. There really isn’t one main person they follow. The two boys walk their bikes down the street and pass the van, then cutting to Jackie and Kim walking up the porch to Trish’s house and we see Russ creepily in the bushes.

Crosstown Arthouse Presents Women in Horror: THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE

 As the party begins that night, the girls smoke marijuana and drink alcohol. Valerie babysits her younger sister, Courtney across the street. She makes what appears to be a crappy batch of Kool-Aid. She measures the sugar pretty scarcely. I need her to commit! Either that or add booze to it! The three girls are continuing to smoke their maui wowie and get startled by bitchy little Diane. Cut back to Valerie and Courtney doing their sisterly bonding with bickering. I will also need to point out that they did a bad job of making Courtney look younger! They just give an adult two pigtails and call it a day. They hear a noise, prompting Valerie to check it out. While she goes outside, Courtney goes to her room to sneak a peek at a Playgirl Magazine with Sylvester Stallone on it. YUM!

The Collinsport Historical Society: Monster Serial: THE SLUMBER PARTY  MASSACRE, 1982

Jeff and Neil, arrive and spy on the girls while they change clothes, giving more of an opportunity for unnecessary nudity! Can you imagine if they did this with dudes? Oh yeah, that’s right…boys don’t have slumber parties. That’s gay!

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) | 31 Days of Horror: Oct 22 | RetroZap

Diane goes to the garage to get some firewood and is spooked by a snail. GASP! Mr. Contant comes from behind with his meat cleaver and kills it. MY HERO! She goes back inside leaving Mr. Contant alone to be killed with a good ole’ drill through the neck. Trish notices Russ’s silhouette in the dark, and then finds my Barbie doll wedged in the window covered in blood. My poor baby! Her and Diane go back into the garage to check it out. Nothing.

Valerie is now doing her homework like a good kid. I will say, I love her lavender chiffon blouse! Off subject, I’m gay. I like fashion sometimes. Deal with it. She continuously checks out the neighbors. We cut to Courtney still reading her dirty magazine, getting caught by Valerie. She confiscates the piece. Courtney, like any other teenager denies doing anything with it. Valerie then pulls a used banana peel next to her bed. “Oh really?” OHMYGOD! GROSS!

Diane sneaks into the bathroom with Trish’s telephone as she talks dirty before getting caught by the other girls laughing at her poor smutty talking. The three are so high at this point, so anything involving a mouth made them laugh out loud. The power suddenly goes out. GASP! The four of them go back into the garage to the fuse box. Setting up for another crescendo of spookiness. They get startled by Jeff and Neil. Jeff gets whapped in the face with a flashlight.

Diane asks Trish permission to go with her boyfriend to do sexy time. She asks him to park in the garage. They make out for a minute and wants Diane to go to his place for a home run. She walks into the other girls, putting hotdogs on Jeff’s eye, since they don’t have steaks. I love a good hotdog on the eye!

Valerie gave Courtney a makeover…and fails. It is pretty busted! Courtney wants to crash the party like a normal preteen.

Pin on Horror

Diane goes to his car to find him decapitated and is murdered as well after being chased in the locked garage. She collapses to the floor in terror as you see Russ’s legs with a long drill bit in between it…phallic.

Splatter Time Fun Fest 2012: The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) | Bill's  Movie Emporium

The girls order pizza and, while on the phone with their coach, Rachel Jana, the girls answer the door and find the pizza delivery man with his eyes drilled out. I was more suprised that the pizza was only six bucks! I hate how things are so expensive now! Anyway, back to the drilled eye sockets.

Women in Horror: The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) - Psycho Drive-In

Gross. The phone gets disconnected from the coach, now causing her to be concerned. She calls Valerie, to request her to check it out. Valerie has no interest in helping them. She is too busy drinking all that milk! Coach decides to check it out herself.

Pin on Horror Queens

The teens arm themselves with dull ass knives as Jeff and Neil run for help at Valerie’s. Neil goes out the back through the garage, and finds Diane hanging from the rafters, before getting impaled from behind. Jeff goes out the front door and makes it to Valerie’s house. He is pounding on her door, but she is too tied up with watching a scary black and white movie. She ignores it all until it’s too late, Russ disarms the weak ass kitchen knife and continuously stabs him to death. He carries Jeff’s body to the trunk of the car, counts the bodies, noticing one is missing.

The girls are inside, guarding themselves at the fireplace. The observe the pizza delivery boy, feeling sorry for him. Then comes the best line in the movie.

Kim- “He feels cold.”

Jackie- “Is the pizza?”

Kim- “Oh god!”

Jackie- “Life goes on after all, and eating makes me feel better. And boy do I feel bad.” *Takes bite* “I feel better already. I really do.”

Scream Series: The Slumber Party Massacre Deconstructs the Mold — Musée  Magazine

That is one of my favorite lines in slasher history! I laughed out loud when I first saw that scene!

Pizza time gets interrupted as Neil crawls to the back door, screaming before Russ finishes him off. The three girls flee.

Women in Horror: The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) - Psycho Drive-In

Valerie notices Courtney is missing and sees her waling across the street towards Trish’s house. I would be so pissed if I was her babysitter! Courtney hides when she notices Valerie following her. Valerie knocks on the door, hears nothing and walks to the back. Jackie goes to let her in, but gets her throat slashed by the drill as Russ meets her. Trish and Kim barricade themselves in Trish’s bedroom.

Andree Honore | Cinemorgue Wiki | Fandom

Valerie finds Courtney before a storm starts to erupt. Valerie tells her to go home as she feels suspicious of the lack of anything at this point. Where’s the music? Where’s the booze? Where’s the drugs? Where’s the strippers? She lets herself in the front door. Kim hears her and wants to go to her from inside the room. Trish advises them to wait since they knew what happened to Jackie. Russ sneaks through the open window, without a screen or anything. Some house! He then kills Kim with a dull kitchen knife in the gut after a little struggling and tearing up the bedroom.

WIHM The Slumber Party Massacre: What can a Slasher Film say about gender?  – Screen Queens

Trish flees. Russ tries to find her but was unsuccessful. She was hiding in a garment bag in the closet. I think that’s a great idea. However, how dare you disrespect clothing like that!

Valerie and Courtney enter the house. Courtney wants a beer, opening the fridge while looking away, Kim’s body is rocking back and forth in there.

Señor GIF - chill out - Greatest GIFs Of All Time - Pronounced GIF or JIF?  - Cheezburger

They eventually find her dead and hide from Russ as he comes down the stairs. Valerie hides in the basement, while Courtney hides under a couch. I never knew couches were able to fit anybody underneath! Russ gives up on his search, and tosses the delivery boy down the basement, scaring Valerie and influencing her to take action to save Courtney. Russ then makes himself cozy on the living room floor for a good night’s sleep for some stupid reason. You know, this would be more of a fun slumber party if you kept everybody alive RUSS! Coach Jana, having grown concerned over the phone call earlier, arrives, and is confronted by Russ.

NECA and Scream Factory Join Forces for Special Slumber Party Massacre  Release | Dead Entertainment

They start to fight, drill vs. fireplace poker. Valerie tries to save the day with a electric saw, but didn’t realize that they are plugged in and gets pulled back for I dunno…needing to be plugged in! Courtney saves the day and trips Russ, giving Coach an opportunity to be a dumbass and beat him with the flat end of the poker. Not even the pointed end. Trish comes out to stab him. As Coach stops Trish from further stabs, Russ gets up and disembowels her with the drill. Trish is helpless as Russ tells them that they are all pretty. One of the only lines he says is “It takes a lot of love for a person to do this.”

Watch The Slumber Party Massacre | Prime Video
Robin Stille | Cult Celebrities

Valerie then emerges and chases Russ with a machete out to the pool in the backyard, cutting the head of the drill bit off before severing his hand and slicing his stomach open. He falls into the pool, and the day has been saved! She drops the machete and is welcomed by Courtney where they have a sisterly love moment. Russ emerges and attacks them once more, Trish pushes him back, but his focus was strictly on Valerie, who finally kills him with the machete as he lunges onto her. Valerie and Trish break down in tears as Courtney looks on in shock.

DVD Talk

Let’s hand out some awards!

The Haunted Hunk award for some strange reason will go to our killer with the huge drill. Russ! Something about him in his all denim look with his dad bod makes me feel some sort of way. Sue me!

The Killer Slay-aka best kill-will go to the pizza delivery boy. It is gruesome and without his death there wouldn’t be one of the best lines in horror coming from Miss Jackie!

The Basic Beheading-aka worst kill- is going to go to Linda. There was nothing shown as to how she died. All you see is a drill going through the door and a primal scream. I understand that in horror, the scene ending means everything to the pace of the film. I was just wanting a little more.

Overall Rating- 8.2 out of 10 ********

I am a little ashamed to admit that I just watched this movie last year. I have missed out on gold! I love the concept of this movie. The flow of the story went pretty smooth. There is some cheesy humor that goes with it which, at this point if you have been following my beatdowns…I love. I wish that there is some more in certain parts. For example, I wish that Russ would say a little more as to why he is all batshit crazy. I could also do with a little less boobage. If you are into the female anatomy…you may love that.

If you have seen or heard of this movie…comment below about what you like or dislike!

And there you have it! Another beatdown in the archives! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we are going to take a little field trip to the, “House of Wax.”

If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Also, if you love horror just as much as I do, preorder your copy of my debut novel Cardinal Rules. In the Books section, you can select one of the links on where you would like to purchase!

Until next time…keep slaying!

Long time…no post

My apologies to everybody who has been regularly following my blog content. I have taken a few weeks off from blogging to focus on my mental health.

On that topic, I want to touch on the importance of mental health. For me, I am working in a field where it is mentally taxing. Adding COVID-19 onto that has been mentally tough on me. I have also been working hard on the first draft of my second novel. With trying to put my life experiences into these works, I had to dig deep into a place where I had to relive the trauma I dealt with, challenging all on its own. As much as I’ve forgiven the people who have caused this pain from these experiences, it is still tough to relive it. It feels as though you take the healed wound and cut right back into the place that was hurting the most and inflicting pain on the area you spent so much time and energy into healing. With all of this, plus seasonal depression and trying my best, I struggle to make time for myself and a consistent time to write my books.

After much reflection, I will still be posting my movie beatdowns regularly. However, my content that is intended to be educational will no longer be posted every Sunday. Instead, it will be posted when a post develops. I need to dedicate my time to what matters, which is taking time for myself and continuing to work on my novels. I have been dealing with a lot of writer’s block. Not because I have no ideas on where to take the story further. I am just feeling unmotivated due to my hectic day job and my inability to go outside and exercise/take in the fresh air.

Mental health is essential to me, and I will be discussing it further in a future post, I’m sure of it. I just want you all to know that I am so blessed and grateful to have a fanbase full of readers who appreciate my mission to put the gay in horror. I will continue to do that, but I will be doing it in a way where I’m not biting off more than I can chew. My main goal is to write books so that I could eventually make a career out of it so that I can develop the time to post weekly content for you all and provide educational and informative content to this blog continuously. I do apologize if this comes as a disappointment to you, if you look forward to my more serious content on Sundays. I hope you at least understand that it is more about my mental health, and less about neglecting you all.

Thank you all for the love and support! Your letters of encouragement and support have meant so much to me. More than anybody will understand. I promise that my movie beatdowns will keep you all entertained and hopefully laugh in these challenging times. I will continue to work my butt off!

Stay safe, and have a great week!

Also, my debut novel “Cardinal Rules” is out for preorder! Go to the Books tab, and order your copy for my release in March 12th…which is coming up soon! I will let you know that when I decided to start writing my novels, I made a commitment to highlight the true horrors of society and twist it with the classic slasher elements. “Cardinal Rules” will briefly include the topic of racism in this story, so preorder your copy today!

Cardinal Rules

Movie Beatdown-Child’s Play

Welcome to another episode of my newly not so acclaimed, Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Child’s Play”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Child’s Play is a 1988 American supernatural slasher film directed and co-written by Tom Holland, and produced by David Kirschner from a story by the legendary Don Mancini. It is the first film in the Child’s Play series and the first installment to feature the character Chucky. It stars Brad Dourif, Catherine Hicks, Chris Sarandon, Alex Vincent and Dinah Manoff. Hicks plays a widowed mother who gives a doll to her son played by Vincent, unaware that the doll is possessed by the soul of a serial killer played by Dourif.

Child’s Play was released in the United States on November 9, 1988, by MGM/UA Communications Co. It grossed more than $44 million against a production budget of $9 million.

Along with the film gaining a cult following, the box office success spawned a media franchise that includes a series of six sequels, merchandise, comic books, and a reboot film of the same name released in the summer of 2019. Child’s Play was distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, although the rights to the series were sold to Universal Pictures in 1990, right before production on Child’s Play 2 started. MGM retained the rights to the first film and, as such, distributed the 2019 reboot.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown.

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We start the movie in 1988, on a quaint night…just kidding, a police chase, where Charles Lee Ray, a fugitive and serial killer, runs through the streets of South Side, Chicago by homicide detective Mike Norris, played by Chris Sarandon…aka Humperdinck in the Princess Bride.

The princess bride GIF on GIFER - by Nikom
The Adventures of Blogger Mike: Playland Toy Store - "Child's Play" Filming  Location - Chicago, IL

He shoots Charles multiple times and hits him. Charles’s accomplice, Eddie Caputo, escapes alone in a getaway vehicle like a loyal partner in crime. Charles breaks into a toy store where Mike shoots him again. Charles, realizing that he is dying and swears that he will get his revenge on Mike as well as Eddie Caputo.

Sticky Red: A Bodycount Compendium: Golden Title: Child's Play (1988)

He collapses dramatically on a pile of toys. Calm down Charles…it’s just a gunshot wound to the chest. He performs a Haitian voodoo spell to transfer his soul to one of the Good Guy dolls, causing the store to be struck by lightning and explode. I want to point out that the dolls are very creepy. Red heads have taken quite the beating from society with being compared to characters like these dolls! That and the Weasleys…maybe even Ron Howard too! Mike survives the explosion and re-enters the store, only to find Charles’s corpse and the doll.

The next day, little kid Andy Barclay is in the kitchen cooking his mom, the widow Karen Barclay, or better known as Catherine Hicks from 90’s kids television show 7th Heaven, where she plays with a bad man, who was the husband, who later in his career, confessed to having sexual misconduct to multiple minors. Not on the show…in real life. Anyway, back to the extremely unappetizing meal. He overpours cereal and burns toast. He should be competing in “Worst Chefs in America.” He would probably be the first one eliminated. He even spills the mild on his way to her room…tragic. By the way, what kind of a child would cook for their parent on HIS birthday?! What the hell? Karen gives Andy his birthday raspberries…which all I can think of is the scene from family guy where Lois is drunk while doing that to Stewie, ending up vomiting all over him. LOL!

She allows him to open his presents and the box that looked similar to a Good Guy box ended up being clothes. Andy was disappointed. How ungrateful. We fast forward to Karen at work in a cheap jewelry counter where her friend and coworker Maggie informs her of a doll that was being sold by a peddler in the back alley. Hot. Maggie even said that “I think I dated him.” No, you didn’t Maggie…no you didn’t.

Child's Play (1988) | and you call yourself a scientist!?

Karen then gets pressured to work the night shift due to call ins, missing out on her son’s birthday. I do not miss my days in retail…not one bit! I hated when they would do that to you, forcing the impression that it is your responsibility as an employee to fill the open shifts. Andy was excited to finally have the doll. He introduces himself as “Chucky,”.

The Top Ten Chucky Movies – These Are Media Things
The Children of the Corn... Chucky, and Cousin Itt

That evening, Chucky and Andy play with his tool set, where Chucky is more focused on the news with the breaking story of Charles Lee Ray’s death. Maggie doesn’t allow them to watch the news and gets the two ready for bed. While Andy is brushing his teeth (poorly), The doll ends up in the living room watching the news alone.

Child's Play 1988 kid brushing teeth poorly - Album on Imgur

Maggie was frustrated with the assumption that Andy turned the TV back on and placed Chucky there. After Andy’s bedtime, Maggie finds Chucky sitting in front of a television tuned to a late-night newscast about Charles Lee Ray. She returns the doll to the bed. She enjoys her alone time and is slowly creeped out by the noises she hears and assumes that Andy has gotten up from bed. Shit is moved around the apartment which is creepy. Everything has its place, and Andy shouldn’t mess with the Fung Shui of the apartment! Rude! She finds something out of the ordinary, that isn’t shown to the audience at this time, but hits her in the face with a hammer, startling her as she falls through a window and dies.

Child's Play (1/12) Movie CLIP - Chucky's First Victim (1988) HD animated  gif

The scene ends with the curtains drifting out the broken window. Now, Karen has to pay her utility bill to heat the outside. Nice!

Karen comes home to find a swarm of police outside her building, getting to her apartment where police are investigating. Well, almost all of them. One was on the couch reading the newspaper. Our tax dollars going to good use! Karen was worried that something happened to Andy, and shortly after was relieved that it wasn’t the case. She did find out that Maggie was the victim and now gets questioned by Detective Norris, Detective Norris who considers Andy a suspect based on tiny footprints on the spilled flour in the kitchen. Maggie could’ve at least cleaned up before falling out the window. She is definitely not getting paid! Karen becomes frustrated that Andy is being considered a suspect. I’m also sensing some sexual tension between the two. Maybe she is into handcuffs. Before going back to bed, Andy finds flour on the bottom of Chucky’s shoes, telling the police about it. Much to our surprise, nobody believes him. Maybe Chucky was playing with his Easy Bake Oven?  As Karen prepares herself for some much needed alone time, she overhears Andy talking and finds him sitting on the floor talking to his doll. Does he not know the meaning of bedtime?! She asks him more about Chucky to inquire further. Andy then tells her that his name is Charles Lee Ray and that “Maggie is a real bitch and got what she deserved.” What kind of birthday child has the entitlement to get away with all of these shenanigans today? He should really be on Problem Child! God, I loved that movie! Karen tucks him back into bed for the evening to end Andy’s day of mischief. Tomorrow is no longer your birthday. You are now on an equal playing field as the rest of us! Behave!

Your Friend To The End - The Child's Play Franchise (1988 - 2013) -  flickfeast

The next morning, Karen walks Andy to school with Chucky. As soon as she leaves, Andy walks out a different exit to skip school and take the Chicago “L” train downtown. I guess we haven’t seen the last of this misbehaving kid. Maybe he should be the new Damien in “The Omen.” While on the train, he keeps whispering into Chucky’s ears.

Child's Play | Movies, Films & Flix

I can’t help but to insert my own dialogue to make the scene funny. Like, Alaska in RuPaul’s Drag Race…” Your makeup is terrible.” HAHA!

Pin on Gorgeous Queens

He get off under the bridge to homeless city and is led to an abandoned home. While Andy is distracted with a sudden potty break, Chucky sneaks into Eddie’s house and kills him by causing a gas explosion with the open oven.

Eddie Caputo | The Chucky Wiki | Fandom

Karen’s day is interrupted with a call to the police station, where Andy is again considered a suspect and is admitted to a psychiatric hospital after claiming again that Chucky is responsible for the murder.

Child's Play (1988) dir. Tom Holland | BOSTON HASSLE

Karen goes home and is left with the weird looking doll. She starts losing her own mind and starts talking to Chucky to see what all of the fuss is with her demented child. At first, the doll just says its normal scripted lines. In frustration, she goes back to the kitchen to look at the box it came in. When Karen picks up the Good Guys box and drops a battery pack, Karen realizes that Chucky has been running without them the whole time. GASP! Well, it saves her the money to buy more! Enervated, looks at the back of the battery pack and notices they are empty, where Chucky then says his line a little more creepily while turning his head all the way around, exorcist style.

The Rare “Child's Play” VHS Screener Footage From 1989 | Nightmare Nostalgia

Karen becomes startled and drops him. When she finally picks him back up, she lights a fire and threatens to burn Chucky, causing him to violently come to life in her arms. “You stupid bitch, you filthy slut, I’ll teach you to fuck with me!”

Child's Play - The very first Chucky movie - yay or nay | Page 5 | Lipstick  Alley
Child's Play' 30th Anniversary Midnight Screening with Tom Holland -  PopHorror

One of the most iconic scenes in horror history. He attacks her with biting, like a normal child would do…He’s a real boy! Once she frees herself from his clutches, Chucky runs out of the apartment. Karen chases after him, but Chucky escapes.

Karen goes to the police station and explains what happened, but Mike doesn’t believe her. Since nobody is willing to work with her, she goes all rogue and tries to figure everything out herself. Karen runs down to homeless city to find the peddler and asks for more information about where he found the doll. The funny thing is that all of the homeless folk all have nice teeth, except for the peddler. I want to know their dentist! As the peddler tries to sexually assault her, Mike rescues her and the couple force the peddler to admit that he took the doll from the demolished toy store. Mike then realized that the doll came from the same store that he was at the night Charles Lee Ray was killed. Karen again tries to convince Mike that the doll is alive, but he refuses to believe her, like the cocky police officer he is, not willing to face the facts. After bringing Karen home, Mike is attacked by Chucky, while he is driving, attempting to strangle him and then stab him in his man parts from underneath the seat, causing him to eventually flip the car over.


In the fight that follows, Chucky is shot and his wound inexplicably bleeds and causes pain. It was really funny how he fell backwards while he was shot. 1980’s effects are super cheesy, and I LOVE IT! Chucky got a little too cocky with assuming that he couldn’t be harmed…you know what they say about assuming…ass.

How 'Child's Play' Survived Bad Test Screenings to Become a Horror Classic  | Hollywood Reporter

The next day, Karen goes to Charle’s old apartment and guuuurl, does he need to find a gay friend to help with his decorating! I can’t even! Mike meets up with Karen and updates her of his attack and says that he is into voodoo and spends a lot of time with his instructor.

Chucky runs away with his former voodoo instructor John, who informs him that the longer Chucky remains on the doll, the more human he will become. That’s what you get for taking your sweet time prancing around in a toy and assuming that you are unable to be harmed! Chucky demands that John help him reverse the spell, but John refuses. It’s going back to my retail days with the customer refusing to read the fine print of store policies and goes all “I want to speak to your manager,” on John.

Latest Creepy Doll GIFs | Gfycat

Chucky’s hair does have the capacity to have the appropriate hairstyle to do so! Chucky grabs a voodoo doll from John and uses it to break his leg and arm. John reveals that in order to escape the doll, Chucky must transfer his soul to Andy, the first human he was revealed to. How exciting, Chucky can not only act immature, but be old enough to get away with it! How lovely! Chucky stabs the voodoo doll in the chest and escapes. Karen and Mike arrive shortly after. Before dying, John tells them that although Chucky is a doll, his heart is fully human at this point and vulnerable to fatal injuries. I just can’t believe that Chucky has a heart, and the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz struggles to find one. How unfair!

Child's Play (1988) | and you call yourself a scientist!?

Chucky arrives at the hospital where Andy is being held. Andy notices that Chucky is on his way to get him. The doctor doesn’t believe him, naturally. He escapes by using his arsenal of tricks and things to hide.

Confused Child'S Play GIF by HULU - Find & Share on GIPHY

The doctor finds Andy and tries to sedate him but gets attacked by Chucky and electrocuted to death by the electroshock machine. Maybe that type of treatment shouldn’t be administered? The struggle between Andy and the doctor with the sedative does reminds me of people refusing to get a COVID vaccine. That’s all I will say about that topic. I’m not going to go into science or politics…just let’s resume with the movie!

Andy escapes once again and flees home. We cut to the elevator where an elderly couple find Chucky riding up with him. The woman says its ugly right as they leave. Chucky then curses at them. I thought that was pretty funny! Chucky breaks into the apartment through the chimney like good ole’ Santa Claus and knocks him unconscious with a baseball bat.

Blu-Ray Review: Child's Play (Collector's Edition)

As Chucky prepares to possess him, Karen and Mike arrive to stop him.  Chucky cuts Mike’s leg, but then Karen throws him into the fireplace. Andy regains consciousness and drops a lit match on it, burning Chucky to a fine crisp. Before doing so, NOW chucky wants to be his friend and calms down. A little late for that. Excuse me, waiter…but my food is burnt. I can’t eat this!

Karen and Andy leave the room to help Mike. As Andy goes to find a first aid kit, he notices that a charred Chucky escape from the fireplace and eventually chases Andy. They play tag in the apartment and run around in circles a few times.

Child's Play (1988) - Rivers of Grue

Chucky stabs Karen in the hand as she holds the door closed to try and protect her son. Karen shoots Chucky multiple times, dismembering an arm, leg, head, and is again presumed dead. Mike’s partner Jack arrives at the apartment, initially refusing to believe the trio’s story as he messes with the evidence…like a good cop normally does. Eyeroll. Chucky’s body suddenly bursts through a vent to strangle Jack. During the fight, Mike shoots Chucky in the heart and eventually defeats him. Jack then tells him that no one would believe him. Because people suck!

Top 30 Child's Play Movie GIFs | Find the best GIF on Gfycat

Jack, Mike, Karen, and Andy all leave the room, and a freeze-frame shot captures Andy’s horrified face, having clearly been scarred by the experience, as the screen fades to black.

Let’s hand out some awards.

The Haunted Hunk award by default will have to go to Detective Mike. There are very limiting male characters, as it only follows Karen and Andy mostly. Jack was a complete moron, as well as the doctor and Eddie. So, you are lucky mister Mikey! But you are no Magic Mike!

The Killer Slay-aka best kill-will go to the doctor. There are very few deaths in this movie. Apart from Charles Lee Ray in the first scene, there are only four or so that get killed. The doctor was killed by a medically unorthodox practice which is poetic.

The Basic Beheading-aka worst kill- will go to Eddie. The buildup was nice before the house exploded, but I think what would be better is if he saw chucky in doll form before being killed, making a “gotcha” moment really work for that scene.

Overall Rating- 8.7 out of 10 ********

Overall, I love this movie! It is a classic that will never die, unlike Chucky in his assumptions. This movie has scared many children for years. It is pretty genius that a doll would terrorize people. The fact that they used robotics to make this happen convincingly back then is something that you should respect! Plus, I love the effects of the doll getting thrown back when it’s shot. I don’t know why it’s so funny to me!

Child's Play - Chucky's Death on Make a GIF

And I can’t help but compare Chucky’s behavior to the terrible twos!

Movie Review: Child's Play (1988) | by Patrick J Mullen | As Vast as Space  and as Timeless as Infinity | Medium

If you have seen or heard of this movie…comment below about what you like or dislike!

And there you have it! Another beatdown in the archives! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, I will be taking a break and will be going to my friend’s house for some much needed sleep. Since we are in a pandemic, I can’t do that. So we will all have to settle for, “Slumber Party Massacre” instead! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!

Movie Beatdown-Valentine

Welcome to another episode of my newly not so acclaimed, Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Valentine” Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Valentine is a 2001 American slasher film directed by Jamie Blanks and starring Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, Marley SheltonJessica Capshaw, and Katherine Heigl. Loosely based on the novel of the same name by Tom Savage, the film follows a group of women in San Francisco who are stalked by a killer wearing a Cupid mask.

Released theatrically in February 2001, the film was critically panned, with critics deeming it too similar to 1980s slasher films. The film earned $36.7 million on a $10 million budget.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown!

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At a junior high school St. Valentine’s Day dance in 1988 San Francisco, Jeremy Melton, an outcast student, asks four popular girls to dance one by one as they go in and out of the opening credits.

The first three girls, Shelley, Lily, and Paige reject him spitefully. It is bringing back all of my middle school nightmares, minus the girls part (just kidding, I only danced with the girls back in the day to block them from the idiotic boys). The fourth girl, Kate, politely responds “maybe later”. Their overweight friend Dorothy accepts Jeremy’s invitation and they proceed to secretly make out underneath the bleachers. When the school bully Joe Tulga and his friends discover them, Dorothy claims that Jeremy sexually assaulted her which is completely uncalled for. Joe and his friends dump a batch of fruit punch on him, then publicly strip and severely beat Jeremy, and his nose starts bleeding under the distress. It is later revealed Jeremy was expelled and eventually transferred to a reform school. Sad. Look what you did!

Jeremy Melton | Villains Wiki | Fandom

Thirteen years later, in 2001, Shelley played by Katherine Heigl, known for being on Gray’s Anatomy goes on a third person speaking Jason, as he arrogantly talks about himself. She was hating every minute of it as she wrote the words “help me” on her food. Like, she would assume that somebody was going to fly in and save her? The check comes, and like normal idiotic men, couldn’t afford the tab. He LITERALLY breaks down who paid for what to help him pay a lesser bill. Great first and last date! She leaves to go study. She is now a medical student at UCLA, is at the morgue one evening studying for her medical exam. She talked to the dead body she named Chad, and as she was studying the parts, she talked to it stating she liked the “silent type,”. Me too Katherine…me too.

Movie Review: Valentine (2001). I think it's pretty safe to say this is… |  by Patrick J Mullen | As Vast as Space and as Timeless as Infinity | Medium

She becomes interrupted by a noise and walks to the locker room After receiving a vulgar Valentine’s card in her locker, she heads back into the room and the dead body moved and discovered that Chad was moved. She turned back to notice that who she thought was Chad has now disappeared. Uh-oh, didn’t know that was about zombies! Shelley suddenly was attacked by a man in a trench coat and Cupid mask, which is much more reasonable than the baby face in “Happy Death Day,”. This mask is actually creepy, and slightly alluring. She is cornered in a cooler used to store cadavers, where she attempts to hide in a body bag to set herself up for her untimely death. They don’t have to do much work, its all done for the police! Much to our surprise, the killer finds her and slits her throat.

Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

For a moment I thought the killer was Seth Rogan for having regrets for knocking her up…but I then figured that he would be too stoned to do that! The killer’s nose bleeds as she dies. It must be dry in there! You would assume that a cooler would have some sort of moisture to preserve the dead bodies.

Valentine Revisited: A Fascinating Post-Scream Slasher – /Film

Paige, played by Denise Richards from the more recent seasons of the Real Housewives of Orange County, and Kate, played by Marley Shelton who went on to play the famous Deputy Judy Hicks in Scream 4 head to a speed dating night. Paige encourages Kate to move on from Adam who continuously disappoints her with her drinking habits. Why not play Russian roulette with a bunch of random crazy and desperate men. We have to give them credit, because none of these closet cases had Grindr. So you can’t blame them! There was only one close to normal candidate, but Paige like the best friend that she is took him away from her. I love friends! Kate then gets the call that Shelley has been murdered. What a fun night, ruined!

At Shelley’s funeral, Kate walks out with Adam played by the dreamy and drool worthy David Boreanaz from Bones and Angel…woof. Of course, she finds a bottle of alcohol in his front seat. I think a box of chocolates would do. He expresses that he is trying his best to control his habits. In the famous words of Marsha Brady, “Sure Jan.”

Valentine (2001)

Kate, Lily, who is played by Jessica Cauffiel who was the Elle Wood’s best friend in Legally Blonde who gave Professor Montoya a lap dance…luckily, Paige, and Dorothy who is played by Jessica Brooke Capshaw who also went to Gray’s Anatomy are questioned. They admit to not having seen her in some time after she moved from San Francisco to Los Angeles.

Valentine (2001)

Dorothy gets home to her super expensive mansion owned by her rich father. She receives an obscene card with the signature of JM. Her boyfriend, Campbell, shows up and loses his apartment and temporarily moves in with her at her father’s large mansion. Her stepmother who is a much younger mail order bride wannabe who opposes the decision. They fight, like any rebellious daughter would do to their newly unemployable hooker of a stepmom, who now doesn’t have to work hard for them coins!

Valentine (2001)

We then cut to Kate, taking a shower as she gets ready for work. She hears a noise and checks it out wrapped in her oversized towel…pretty much a blanket. After noticing nothing out of the ordinary, she tries to turn the shower back on and noticed that the water has been shut off. She checked the fridge for her bottled water. Only an eighth is in there…who does that?! Who leaves that little water in a bottle and saves it?! She was left with no other choice but to wash the shampoo off in the toilet.

Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

I hope she flushed before doing that, or else she would have poo to go with her shampoo. She dries her hair off and finds her door open and overhears the elevator and finds the cupid mask keeping the door ajar. Her creepy neighbor Gary then comes onto her with some jank AF Dr. Seuss wannabe rhymes. “You look great, Kate.” And keeps going. He does it for three or four more times until she says “You’re scary, Gary.” Personally, I would go with this rhyme. “F*** you, Gary!” I’m such a poet! First time.

Lily and Paige then watch the video dating movies. I had to continuously remind myself that this was 2001 and Myspace wasn’t even created yet, so I had to excuse these desperate attempts to find a valentine. She couldn’t even go out with Tom! I do miss seeing him on my top seven list. Lily then receives an obscene card and a box of chocolates and finds out they were filled with maggots after taking a bite. First of all, that takes a lot of work to create these candies with that filling second of all, I would prefer maggots in my chocolates than almonds…just an opinion. Keep your nutty chocolates to yourself!

Valentine 2001 horror movie - YouTube

As the girls attend the exhibit of Lily’s artist boyfriend Max, who definitely could benefit from a haircut for sure. The exhibit is a Valentine’s day theme with video screens of men and women’s mouths saying silly comments in the form of a maze. Groundbreaking. Lily becomes lost at the exhibit after Max invites a second girl to join them in their make out session. I guess she is not into sharing.

Best Jessica Cauffiel GIFs | Gfycat

The killer appears, who proceeds to shoot her repeatedly with arrows until she falls several floors into a dumpster. I found this kill to be very poetic with the cupid theme. I just wish that she didn’t give her lucky scrunchie to Elle Woods. She probably would’ve survived her murder if she had her lucky charm. What a shame!

Valentine (2001) — Keep Screaming
Jessica Cauffiel | Cinemorgue Wiki | Fandom

Of course, the cupid’s nose bleeds again because he didn’t have any tampons to plug it. I’m using a “She’s the Man” reference where Amanda Bynes uses a tampon to stop a nosebleed. I normally don’t do menstrual jokes. Deal with it.

Don't Worry About Switching Period Products Because of Your IUD -

By the way, I am posting the picture of Amanda Bynes in this blog from “She’s the Man,” to prove a point that I didn’t think of the nosebleeds as a period joke. Don’t get mad at me…get mad at Amanda Bynes. Now, back to Valentine!

The rest of the group meet Campbell’s bitter ex-girlfriend Ruthie, who accuses him of being a con artist.

Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

Adam and Kate meet thereafter at a bar to shoot the shit, and of course she still has reservations of his drinking problems. You go girl!

Valentine (2001) | 2000's Movie Guide

The next day, the detective questions Kate, Paige, and Dorothy and notice that they received a card from Jeremy Melton, who they assume is the person that sent them the messages. They have a hunch that he is back for revenge after their bitchy middle school crap that they pulled on him to make him go cray-cray. Once the detective left, Dorothy admits to Jeremy not sexually assaulting her at the dance and blamed her “former pudgy” disposition as a crutch for her stupid lie. Let’s not blame the way the good lord made you for your crappy decisions. You sure didn’t use that excuse for that crappy hair job!

JCapedia on Twitter: "#TBT to @JessicaCapshaw in the movie "Valentine" (2001)  as Dorothy. Ps: I just watched this movie today again.… "

That evening, Kate talks to Adam about the Jeremy Melton hypothesis. She finally invites him for a night cap, but he declines this time. Probably to come over to my house…I love Bones. I love Booth.

The following day at the police station, they still try to crack the Jeremy Melton code with the detective. They run through ridiculous photo rendering possibilities making him look like he aged  horribly. Come on police, some people grow up to be hot! After much discussion, the assumption of Jeremy Melton is that he is Campbell, frustrating Dorothy as she stormed out. After Kate followed, the sleazeball detective hits on Paige which is very professional. I guess he needed more ammunition in his gun.

Valentine (2001)

Meanwhile, a hot iron is left on in Kate’s apartment (very irresponsible by the way!). The cupid takes it and finds creepy Gary in her room as he pulls a rocky horror moment and tries on her panties and thigh high stockings before getting burned on the face and bashed in the head repeatedly. At least he was all hot and spicy in black in lacy! Just the way I want to leave this world.

Valentine (2001)

Kate comes home to Adam outside of her building and they exchange a brief hello. She feels bad about neglecting him and gives him a coupon for “Free TLC,” I know it means tender love and care…but I grew up with straight brothers and all I hear is “Tables, Ladders, and Chairs!”. We watched a lot of wrestling growing up. I can be butch if I want to!

As Valentine’s Day approaches, Dorothy is planning a party at her family’s estate. On the morning of the party, Dorothy gifts Campbell with a cheap ass watch…probably from Kohls, to express her love. By the way, I have nothing against Kohls. They have great options for your everyday style! He then gifts her with a golden cupid necklace, that didn’t even come close to Kohls…more like a gumball machine. He then tries to clean out Dorothy’s family accounts, like Ruthie predicted earlier. Scumbag. He is interrupted to assist with lighting the pilot light in the basement, where the killer murders Campbell with an ax…Probably wearing axe body spray when he died too. It was that time period where it was a thing!

Retro Review - Valentine (2001) - PopHorror

The party begins with bitchin rock music, making me regret that I didn’t have friends like this in my twenties and questioning all of my life choices. Kate finds Dorothy eating an entire platter of chicken wings. They assume he has simply left her. Adam shows up with his stupid IOU coupon for that TLC. He can now piledrive her through the table after hitting her in the head with a chair…Damn you wrestling!

Paige finds the creep from speed dating that she kindly stole from Kate and lures her upstairs for some privacy. They start to do straight people things (I dunno…work on a car? Is that what straight people do?) He pulls down his pants to show off his anatomy. Paige was unimpressed with his sleazy behavior, but plays along with his stupidity. She ties him to the bed and blindfolds him. I figured she had a nasty side…I mean, she WAS married to Charlie Sheen. *shrugs shoulders*. She gets back at the douchebag and pours hot candle wax onto his member. He DID ask for her to wax it…and then walked out to leave him alone.

Denise Richards from the film Valentine - 2001 - Home | Facebook
Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

After Paige reunites with Kate and Dorothy, in comes raging bitch Ruthie. She makes Dorothy’s night worse by calling out her newly cheap gift from Campbell was actually her. So, she has the crappy sense of jewelry! I got you! Dorothy is aggravated that more evidence is piling up that he never loved her, only her money. Paige and Kate forcefully escort her out of the building like good friends. Paige needed to be left alone and grabs a bottle of champagne and finds her own quiet time. Kate then gets hit on by creepy Max, who revealed that Lily never made it to LA. Of course, wasn’t really focused on his missing girlfriend for much longer. He was prepared to move on.

Valentine - Movie Review : Alternate Ending

Ruthie sneaks back into the mansion, and rummages through Campbell’s belonging and takes his Kohls watch before being interrupted. She sneaks through the lower level of the building into an overly amazing plaid den, which I want. She finds the killer dragging the newly killed maid with a nosebleed, yet again. The killer could’ve at least asked the maid to clean up his nose before she died! Rude! Ruthie runs into the spa and hides under a bench in the sauna. She stays there for a good couple of minutes, which is longer than most victims who assume that the killer leaves within seconds. She finds Campbells body, and then tries to sneak out, tiptoeing through the loud tiled floor to not cause any sort of noise whatsoever! She soon gets hurled by the killer through the shower, ends up with a bloody face. Some of her blood must’ve gotten on the killer’s mask because there was some blood dripping down it’s nose (lol). Her head eventually gets thrusted through one of the remaining shards, impaling her neck.

Valentine (2001)

Kate now finds Adam taking shots, committing very hard to his twelve step plan of sobriety, angering her. Then we cut to Paige having her quiet time in the hot tub in this greenhouse like room. It’s actually kind of cool. I’m all about the earth! The killer sneaks in and interrupts her. Of course, she saw nothing but a rose that was placed by her champagne bottle, causing her to become concerned.

Valentine is a Respectable Alternative to My Bloody Valentine [Here's Why]

She looks through the amazing greenery, where much to our surprise the killer was hiding until he throws Paige into the hot tub and locking her inside. She panics while trying to find a way out. The nose bleed happens again, which at this point the killer needs to see an ENT doctor to get this shit cauterized. He grabs a drill and starts trying to attack her until there was a successful impaling of her shoulder, which caused her to go under before having the drill thrown in to electrocute her and shut off all the power to end the party. What a party pooper! I will also say that this is also poetic that in the beginning of the movie, when younger Paige rejected Jeremy Melton, she said that “She would rather be boiled alive.”

Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

I love it!

The party disintegrates when the power cuts out, and Dorothy and Kate argue over who the killer is. Kate claims that Campbell could be a suspect because they do not know anything about him or where he is, while Dorothy counters by accusing Adam, Kate’s recovering alcoholic on-off boyfriend, who is now a journalist. Dorothy feels attacked for being the “fat girl” of the group and storms off for not getting any sort of decency…which I don’t see at all. I understand this in the real world. I just think that she is comfortable playing little miss victim. Just saying!

JCapedia on Twitter: "#TBT to @JessicaCapshaw in the movie "Valentine" (2001)  as Dorothy. Ps: I just watched this movie today again.… "

After being told by Lily’s boyfriend that she did not arrive in Los Angeles as planned, Kate realizes she is also probably dead and calls the detective assigned to the case. After dialing the number, she follows the sound of a ringtone outside the house and discovers the detective’s severed head in the pond surrounded by gorgeous lily pads. I would’ve just hung out there for the night if the party was still going on! Screw all them drinkers. Kate becomes startled and runs back to the now empty mansion.

Kate becomes convinced that Adam is actually Jeremy, disguised by reconstructive surgery, being the only one left in the house. To her surprise, he asks her to dance. Kate becomes frightened, knees him in the groin and flees. She runs through the house, being creepily chased by Adam as he quickly recovers from his smashed privates. He must have balls of steel! Drool!

Identity : Adam Carr, Valentine Movie Fanlisting Angel 02.22

She soon discovers the corpses of Paige and Ruthie. Well, the maid can’t clean this shit up, now can’t she?!  She locates a gun, which is perfect training for her before she becomes deputy sheriff of Woodsboro (Scream 4).

Valentine 2001 slasher GIF - Find on GIFER

 The Cupid masked killer jumps out from the darkness and sends them both tumbling down the winding staircase like a perfect pair of slinkies. The killer arises and is shot to death by Adam. As a shocked and confused Kate apologizes profusely, Adam pulls off the mask to reveal Dorothy. GASP!

Valentine (2001)

How could she?! Adam forgives Kate, explaining that childhood trauma can lead to lifelong anger and some people are eventually forced to act on that anger, referring to Dorothy. As Kate and Adam wait for the police to arrive, they hug while Adam says he has always loved her. Moments later, when Kate closes her eyes, his nose begins to bleed, revealing that he is in fact Jeremy Melton and the true killer, framing the dead Dorothy for his crimes.

Blu-Ray Review: “Valentine” Collector's Edition Hits The Mark | Rue Morgue

So, the lesson here is that plastic reconstructive surgery or even just an amazing groom job can turn the most unfortunate of appearances into straight up hotties…just ask Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. And even the worst of past experiences could make anybody do the craziest of things…just ask Sandra Bullock in The Proposal.

Sandra Bullock Surprises Warren Easton High School Graduates Video - ABC  News

Also, Adam needs a new nose! I’m sick of him getting blood on my carpet!

The End!

Let’s hand out some awards.

The Haunted Hunk award with no surprise will go to Adam. He will be my fifth ex husband…I already have that planned, and there is nothing you all can say that will stop me! His nosebleeds may be a turnoff, but after an ENT doctor and a humidifier…I’m sure we will be just fine!

The Killer Slay award-aka best kill- will go to Paige. I loved the suspense of her be locked inside a hot tub and eventually drilled and electrocuted. She played the promiscuous one, and she got drilled…and boiled alive.

The Basic Beheading award-aka worst kill- will go to the detective. I wish that they showed a little more of his story on how he was murdered. They show him calling Kate, telling her they caught the wrong suspect and that he was on his way…to no body. That is no what to get ahead in this movie!

Rating- 7.5 stars out of 10 *******

I don’t have the ability to use half-asterisks.

As much as the general public didn’t like this movie, I did for the most part. I love when there is some sort of tie in to a reference. The cupid kills Lily with arrows. Paige would rather be boiled alive than dance with Jeremy Melton, which she got her wish. It was pretty obvious who the killer was, which is fine in this case because:

  1. It’s David Boreanaz.
  2. There was a lot of cheesy slasher elements that made it forgivable.
  3. It’s David Boreanaz.
David Boreanaz shirtless sexy photo shoot hot rare buffy the vampire slayer  bones booth | Mike The Fanboy

If I could give any criticism in the movie, they could’ve tied up a few loose ends with certain kills like the maid or detective. The maid is forgivable, since she only has one line and is too busy cleaning up after entitled rich people. The detective could’ve had the sleazeball ending that we would all love to see!

If you have seen or heard of this movie…comment below about what you like or dislike!

And there you have it! Another beatdown complete! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we will be taking a break with all of the sweet Valentine candies and move onto something I would like more than that for the holiday. Stuffed animals. Since I don’t have any of those, we will just have to settle for the amazingly cult classic, “Child’s Play”! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!

Oh, and Happy Valentines Day!

Movie Beatdown-Would You Rather

It’s time for your newly favorite day of the week! It’s Movie beatdown time! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Would You Rather”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Would You Rather is a 2012 American psychological horror-thriller film, directed by David Guy Levy and starring Brittany Snow and Jeffrey Combs. It is based on the party game “would you rather,” and centers on a woman named Iris as she attends a dinner party, where she must partake in life-threatening games to help her sick younger brother secure a donor after he contracts leukaemia. The film premiered at Screamfest 2012.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown!

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Iris, a young woman played by Brittany Snow, from many of my favorite movies (“Pitch Perfect”, “John Tucker Must Die”, “Prom Night” remake. I loved growing up with her when she was on a little horse and pony of a tv show called “American Dreams”. If you can’t tell, I love Brittany Snow!), caring for her sick brother Raleigh, is unable to afford the costs of his treatment for leukaemia.

Would You Rather (2012) YIFY - Download Movie TORRENT - YTS

She struggles with finding work to help pay for the costs since her parents both died in an accident, leaving her to drop out of college. Raleigh’s oncologist Dr. Barden introduces Iris to Shepard Lambrick, a philanthropist who offers her a deal: if she wins a parlour game at a dinner party he is hosting, he will pay for Raleigh’s treatment and locate a bone marrow donor for him without any waiting lists or complications. She was initially reluctant to partaking in the game. Suddenly, Dr. Barden has a commercial testimonial moment where he praises how it worked for him in his time of need. Blah blah blah, “If it could happen to me, it could happen to you!” crap.

would you rather | An Englishwoman in Salem

That evening, she prepares dinner for her brother speaking in broken ass French. I mean, she pronounced monsignor as Mon Sewer! She received another phone call that she didn’t qualify for a job she applied for. The next day, she makes the decision to go to Shepard’s manor to partake in the game. She tells her brother that she is going out with high school friends, like any normal family member would do…keeping secrets. She gets picked up in their vehicle, not even a limousine! Cheap Uber bastards! While on the way there, she has flashbacks of conversations with Raleigh about him feeling sorry for all of the medical and financial burden being thrusted onto her abruptly. She, like a good sister doesn’t show any sort of sorrow and is willing to help at whatever cost.

Once she arrives at the manor, Iris is escorted into the main room and introduced to his son Julian and the other contestants: Lucas; Travis, a war veteran; Linda, a paralyzed elderly woman; Peter, a gambling addict; Amy; Conway, an alcoholic debtor (played by John Heard, who was best known for playing everybody’s favorite dad in Home Alone, Peter McCallister) ; and Cal.

We cut back to Dr. Barden, who is pensively drinking a cocktail who reminisces on the conversation with Shepard where Shepard thinks that Iris is a perfect candidate, but Barden is reluctant to allowing an innocent girl like Iris to partake in the upcoming events. Before being summoned for dinner, the group is asked to give all personal belongings, which is a red flag right there! The group all complies, and are then escorted to the game.

Would You Rather (2012) - Review - PopHorror

A steak and foie gras dinner is served for dinner. But Iris, a vegetarian, initially declines to eat it. Shepard then offers her $10,000 to compromise her principles; she reluctantly accepts his offer and eats the steak, not even with steak sauce. It was like a G-rated version of Fear Factor. When Shepard realizes Conway is a recovering alcoholic, which is expected since he raised a son that terrorized his home in order to keep the burglars away. he offers him $10,000 to drink a glass of wine. When Conway declines, Shepard offers him $50,000 to drink an entire decanter of Scotch, which Conway accepts.

Well, OBVIOUSLY, Participation is No Longer Voluntary.” | My Geek Blasphemy

After dinner ends, the game begins. Shepard reveals it to be a version of the party game “Would You Rather” in which players must choose between two options. He uses a simple example of asking one of the gentlemen if they would rather kiss Iris, or another male. Naturally, the guy said Iris. They weren’t forced to, but Linda assumed that they would have to kiss each other. Love her! Shepard continued to explain that the contestants had fifteen seconds to pick which one they would do, and if not on time they would be out. If they couldn’t complete the task, they would be out as well. Once the rules were fully explained, the group was given one last opportunity to leave without playing and in return would have no chance at a better life. Conway initially thought about leaving in his drunken stupor with his money, but then sat back down. I don’t know if it was based on desire to keep winning, or he was too drunk to stand. If it was me, I would drag my drunk ass out that door with 50,000 and make up the rest of my financial burdens with prostitution! But that’s just me. The group all decided to stay and play.

Would You Rather | SCREAMFEST

After Shepard’s butler, a former MI5 agent named Bevans, wheels in an electric shock machine, Conway attempts to leave but is shot dead, drunk and without the $50,000. Sad.

The Horror Club: Would You Rather? (2013)

The remaining contestants learn how serious and deadly the game is and recognize they can only win the game if they are the last surviving player. The first round is played by having two contestants connected to the shock machine, and one person decides whether they should shock themselves or the other person. Cal is first to give the shock to either himself or Amy. After fifteen seconds, he shocks himself. Amy gets a rise out of this, which irritated me. Amy is given the choice to shock herself or poor old Linda. Without hesitation she shocks Linda. I hate her. After Linda takes a while to come back to her senses, she is given the choice to either shock herself or Peter. Naturally, she chose Peter. The contestants take turns making the difficult decision, and the round ends with no one eliminated with Shepard getting a complete rise out of their suffering.

Review: 'Would You Rather' See This Movie, Or Make A Better Use Of Your Ten  Bucks? | IndieWire

It cuts to Dr. Barden grabbing a gun in his drawer and begins to drive away. It is revealed while Dr. Barden is driving that he had scars on his temples, indicating that he was a survivor of the game and endured the shock himself. The group is given a short break while they prepare their second round. They try to figure a way to escape. Julian walks in arrogantly as he messes with their heads. I normally don’t wish anything bad upon people. But since this is a movie character, I hope he gets Lou Gehrig’s! Travis steps in and tries to stand up for the group against Julian’s behavior. The butlers then wrap the area in plastic. Are they renovating? How exciting! Torture, AND décor! Dr. Barden finally arrives at the manor and sneaks in through a window.

The group reconvenes in the second round, where each contestant has 30 seconds to choose between stabbing someone in the thigh with an ice pick or whipping Travis (due to the bitchy pettiness of Julian telling his daddy like a five year old!) three times with a sjambok, which is an African whipping staff.

Would You Rather (2013) - Rotten Tomatoes

Travis takes the role of the hero, being a military veteran and having the ability to endure pain. Ultimately, Travis is severely injured after allowing Iris, Lucas, and even taking the whip on his own turn. Julian smugly observes like a little sissy…again, Lou Gehrig’s.

JokesterWrites — Julian Lambrick x Reader (Julian playing his won...

Peter, knowing he won’t survive another lashing, stabs Linda in the leg assuming she is paralyzed and wouldn’t feel it, but he hits a femoral artery and she dies. Amy is given the choice to stab any player or whip Travis. She expresses that she is here to win, and only one can survive. She chooses to shank Iris in the side, prison style.

Manley's Movie Review — Would You Rather

I’m not a huge fan of her character, but I do understand her ruthlessness and understanding of their hostage situation, doing whatever she needs to do to win and survive. Travis dies soon after Cal has been given the choice to whip him, taking in Amy’s approach to the game, needing to eliminate everybody to win. And now we are down to five.

Lucas causes a distraction and everyone except Amy attempts to escape the room (teacher’s pet). Cal advances on Shepard with the sjambok as Lucas attacks the guards and Iris escapes. Naturally, Julian hides away from the violence like a wimp. After Shepard shoots and kills Cal, the others surrender. Shepard sends Bevans and Julian after Iris; Naturally, in any escape situation, Iris runs up the stairs instead of finding an exit on the main level or the basement. With a few minutes of cat and mouse, Iris eventually ends up in a lower level and tries to escape out a window. Julian finds her and attempts to rape her like the little bastard he is, but she stabs him with the ice pick. It’s not Lou Gehrig’s…but I will settle. Dr. Barden, who has had second thoughts about sending Iris to Shepard, breaks into the manor to save her. Before they can escape, Bevans kills Dr. Barden and escorts Iris back to the game by force. I guess we are now down to four!

The third round begins with each player having 30 seconds to choose to be submerged underwater in a barrel for two minutes, or an unknown task written on a card that is placed in front of them. Peter chooses a card using his gambling knowledge, which requires him to light a firecracker in his hand; when it explodes, it causes a heart attack, and he dies. That was definitely not a firecracker! It was a freakin’ stick of dynamite!

I was surprised to see Ricky in a shitty horror movie on Netflix (Would You  Rather) : trailerparkboys

They even used everybody’s most useful tool, duct tape, to fasten it to his hand. I would rather stick with the duct tape to tuck back in my drag days, or even to shut Julian’s god forsaken loudmouth over taping dynamite to my hand!  Lucas’ card forces him to slit open his own eyeball, or what I’m going to call “giving him eyeslashes!”.

Would You Rather | Netflix

He does so and survives. Iris chooses the barrel and survives (her unpicked card is revealed to have all her teeth extracted, which is still hot). During her submerging, she has a flashback of her brother talking about drowning which is very fitting for the occasion.

Kalypso Skitz

Amy then chooses her card and learns that she must be submerged underwater for four minutes, and she drowns without getting a proper breath. The ruthless one who was so committed to the game has lost valiantly. And now we are in the final round with our final two! How exciting!

With only Iris and Lucas in the final round, Iris is given the choice to either shoot and kill Lucas to win the game, or spare him, which would result in both walking away empty-handed. After some anticipation with Lucas talking about how they could leave together Iris abruptly shoots Lucas in the chest, killing him. Shepard crowns her the champion as the crowd goes wild. It was quite obnoxious that everybody was cheering while Iris breaks down naturally for killing a man.

Manley's Movie Review — Would You Rather

Shepard gives her a bag full of money and explains that a donor has already been located for her brother and they will do the procedure within a week. I wonder if she gets to walk away with all the other guests’ belongings. I mean, might as well grab a wallet! There might be a credit card, or a subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club!

When Iris arrives home, she showers off the blood, probably a little shame for all she had to do.  discovers Raleigh had committed suicide by overdosing on pills while she was out. She weeps at her dead brother’s side at the loss of her only remaining family and realizing that there was no point in her playing the game. That really bites!

Well, OBVIOUSLY, Participation is No Longer Voluntary.” | My Geek Blasphemy

The end!

So, I do like this movie. There is something to say about a situation that you are placed where you are at your lowest point, and you will need to do whatever it takes to better your life without selling your body on the street. The character differentiation was fairly solid, where there was a little bit of representation in every archetype. I will say that they could do a little bit better with those characters. I don’t know if I would personally do what they had to in order to survive. I just might do an OnlyFans page or something, and then commit to the game if that doesn’t work out…which it probably would. I mean…I’m no hottie!

Let’s hand out some awards!

The Haunted Hunk award will go to Travis. Nothing is hotter than a man that is willing to take a beating for complete strangers! Plus, he is into whipping, which might be a turn on for some members of the LGBT community!

The Killer Slay-aka best kill- will go to Travis as well. He most definitely had the most gruesome death. Being whipped twelve times to death. That is insane!

The Basic Beheading-aka worst kill- will go to Julian. It’s a little uncertain that he died in the movie. However, he was shanked in the thigh by Iris after attempting to rape her, and he was an arrogant prick with nothing to back up his cockiness. So, he is dead to me! Not only that, but they could’ve also made him dead to me better!

If you are looking for a more valid basic death, we will just go with Cal. He gets shot in the line of defense to try and help Iris escape. There you go…a more valid answer. I hope you are all happy!

Overall Rating 7/10 *******

I will say that by default that any movie with Brittany Snow will NEVER get a bad rating! Sue me. She can play a final girl very well! I think she can portray innocence and grit, which is are two of my favorite qualities in a final girl. She should be in more horror movies! I do like where the story as a whole went. I was sad for Iris to lose her brother after working hard to save him. I didn’t give the rating low for that reason. I did more for the portrayal of certain characters. I also thought that this movie was like “Diet Saw,” meaning it was a lighter torture porn version of what you would get out of Saw, and I like that. Sometimes I just can’t handle a fully caffeinated beverage.

And there you have it! Another beatdown complete! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, I will be expressing my love and affection for all you readers and your commitment to my blog. I can’t give you all chocolates, but I can give you a beatdown of the very romantically horrific movie from 2001’s “Valentine”! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!

Movie Beatdown-Dead Body

Its time for another weekly/biweekly Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Dead Body”. Keep in mind, that there are many titles under this name. For this post, we are going to tackle the movie made in 2017. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Now, before I begin, I will not be mentioning who stars in this movie. If I’m not mistaken, there are none of these actors that are even close to well known, so it is pointless to point out their uneventful careers. Sorry to the actors, but you signed up for this movie. You only have yourselves to blame!

Second side note, there are not too many images of this movie. So I am unable to take you too deep into my recap with as many images. I guess nobody else liked this movie?

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown!

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We open the movie to a girl who runs through the woods screaming in terror. She takes a lean on a tree, crying about god knows what…probably cramps. Eventually, she finds an abandoned shed where she hides on the side. She covers her mouth since her stupid breathing is too loud that it could attract attention. I’m assuming she is a mouth breather. As the killer gets closer to her, she grabs a rock to prepare herself for an attack, but it backfires since she sucks at defending herself and gets knocked to the ground. She pants in fear and looks surprised as she found out whodunnit. “It was you the whole time?!”

Dead Body (2017) Cast and Crew, Trivia, Quotes, Photos, News and Videos -  FamousFix

Cuts to blackout.

Twelve hours earlier, future Ivy Leaguer Dominic prepares to entertain his former high school friend Ilsa for the weekend. His plan is it for just to be the two of them, and the two Japanese exchange students, Mariko and Kenji who constantly can’t keep their hands off each other as they hook up within the first ten seconds of the movie (Gross…straight people sex). Dominic’s plans go awry when Ilsa arrives with her friend and much older (and slightly attractive) boyfriend, Dwayne and her rebellious chain-smoking friend, Sarah. Duane is 23 years old…not much older, but we have all been eighteen before. Twenty-year olds were ancient in our eyes back then! He was not happy that Ilsa didn’t confide in him before inviting extra guests. He LITERALLY said that he didn’t have enough Brie and crackers for these people. Eventually, Dominic comes around and is confident that the weekend will still go according to plan. Then another guest arrives, Marcus and Rumor who are the more borderline geeky archetypes, frustrating Dominic even more. And to top it off we had Eli being the final guest of the weekend party who is the stoner of the group, bringing a shovel with him. He stated that, “I was told that we are staying in a cabin. I thought we would have to dig a hole for us to shit in.” WTF?! I don’t know what kind of cabin he was going to, but most of them have some sort of plumbing…maybe even an outhouse!

Dead Body (2017) YIFY - Download Movie TORRENT - YTS

We then cut tot the group playing in the river all dressed in their swimsuits. The guys are doing their normal teenage guy thing…avoiding the girls and tackling each other. Butch guy things. Sara and Ilsa lay out on their own as they talk about nonsense.

Dead Body YIFY Torrent Magnet & Dead Body YIFY Subtitles

Rumor confides in Marcus with apprehension that this weekend will not be fun for him since he is socially awkward and doesn’t fit in. Then we have Eli and Dwayne stand there looking muscley while Dwane is nervous that somebody is going to make Ilsa swoon. You know, normal twenty-three-year-old straight guy insecurities. Eli just brushes it off as she smokes a joint. The only thing I got from that conversation is abs (I’m sorry. If the conversation is lame, which most of the dialogue is in this movie, then you know I’m going to try my best to find a redeeming quality! Sorry not sorry.).

Dead Body (2017) Download YIFY Movie Torrent - YTS

It cuts to nighttime and the kids are partying. Eli appears to be jacked up on crazy shit on the couch. The two girls make out while the foreign exchange students practically do it in front of everybody else. Rumor is sitting in the kitchen by himself as he writes copious notes in his journal. These kids appear to be having the time of their lives! How cute. Eli has a stupid hallucination of a goose and suddenly doesn’t feel safe. Again, I will underscore that the dialogue in this movie is not the best, not by a longshot! Ilsa notices Marcus alone outside on the deck, and he expresses his feelings for her and apologizes for intruding on Dwayne. She confesses that she brought Dwayne here only for the purpose of using him as a shield from Dominic and his potential tendencies, after they only knew each other from one hookup. Once the group reconvenes, Dwayne was curious about how they knew each other and finds out that they all go to the same high school together. He then assumes that they will be going to college together since he knows that most of them are planning on going to Harvard. Dominic tells him that he is number four on the waiting list and that his parents are pissed. Dwayne doesn’t care, and neither do I! Dwayne mentions that all of his friends from high school are “dead” or, as he vaguely acknowledges “dead to him”, Causing some suspicion.

Dead Body Trailer (2017)

When they become bored of the dead people talk, ‘nerdy’ Rumor (played by a poor man’s Tom Lenk) suggests playing Dead Bodies. The game is played like this: one of the group is chosen to be the killer when slips of paper are picked. Everyone must then hide. The killer must then go around and pinch people, “killing them”. Then if someone finds a dead body, they must shout “DEAD BODY” and everyone then convenes to discuss who they think the killer is. The first round happens when the lights go out and people start to scatter around the dark cabin. Sarah tries to find a spot behind a curtain…rookie move! She then tries to find another spot and stumbles upon the male foreign exchange student with ketchup on his neck as he lays on the floor, startling her and screams loudly causing everybody to come back. She wasn’t enthused about the game, but who cares. The kid has ketchup, and I suddenly have a craving for French fries! The group tries to start the round over again, and Sarah is over it, but is guided into the basement by Mariko. The two meanders around the dark room and find their individual spots to hide in. Mariko plays with her phone and gives up her location with the super bright background. Does she know that she should only focus on one thing at a time? She then gets attacked from behind by a tarp over her head and being repeatedly stabbed by a cheese knife, looking like a prison shanking moment. Sarah is over the game now as the group gets back together. She becomes concerned that Mariko hasn’t come back, and nobody believes her. Sarah storms out in frustration as the rest of the group assumes that she is hooking up with Kenji.

The group resumes the game without Sarah, Ilsa runs upstairs and tries to sneak into a locked bedroom. After breaking in, she crawls to a hiding spot, assuming that it’s the exchange student’s hooking up. She eventually finds Dominic, Mariko, and Kenji in the bed as they are all covered in blood. Ilsa becomes startled, and now the group minus Sarah gets nervous as they see corpses. They try to call 911 but their service is bad, yet they text each other throughout the movie (hmmm…). It clearly isn’t Verizon Wireless (Not trying to advertise!). They have no choice but to wait until they can drive to the police. But Rumor comes to the conclusion that since there are no signs of forced entry, the killer has to be one of them. *Que dramatic music*

Dead Body (2017) - IMDb

They split up, as a stupid move and look around for the killer. Eventually, Rumor and Marcus find Mariko’s blood in the basement and soon realize that the victims died with each round of the game with their Hardy Boys logic. The kids then proceed to blame each other for various reasons, playing up to their stereotypes. Dwayne tries to be tough. Typical. Rumor cowers to the corner. Typical. Its then revealed that Rumor had an overly obsessive journal with following Mariko, making him the potential suspect.

Review: Bobbin Ramsey's DEAD BODY | Horror Society

Cut to Sarah outside walking through the woods with her constant pack of cigarettes, she stumbles upon a man tied to a tree and gagged. She runs away, scared and heads into the house. Everyone jumps to the conclusion that she’s the killer since she was with Mariko when she died and was gone when the other two were killed.

Dead Body Trailer (2017)

They handcuff her to the bed where the corpses lay, like the real friends that they are. I want friends like that! Tie me up! No really, what was more concerning was why these teenagers have red fuzzy handcuffs so early in their life?

These teenagers have the worse case of paranoia and constant blaming I have ever seen! They keep accusing each other even after putting Sarah in hell and cuffing her with corpses…in red handcuffs. After coming to their senses, the group decides to move Sarah to a less grim setting and away from bodies. Before they do that, the power goes out. It suddenly cuts to stoner Eli in the backyard with his shitting shovel and gets attacked from behind and eventually beheaded by a handsaw. The killer has very strong muscles to cut the head off within a minute! Hot!

Dead Body' Trailer Surfaces | Movie TV Tech Geeks News

Marcus and Ilsa heard the screaming and look for the source of the noise and finds Eli’s body with Rumor standing over it. They now blame Rumor for the killings as he had the saw earlier, but he is trying to explain to them that he found him in this state. The group doesn’t believe him, and Dwayne scares him into the woods with the poor shooting of the gun. Be a better straight person and learn how to aim, or don’t shoot at all! Marcus feels sorry for Rumor and goes after him to save his best friend, leaving them all separated, yet again. Ilsa gets chased around by the killer, as he finds a hatchet. She runs to hide and eventually gets away but passes by Rumor who becomes the next victim and brutally attacked to death with a hammer to the head, then gouged in the skull with a fisherman’s hook, and dragged away into darkness, still alive. Poor dweeb!

Ilsa and Marcus reunite and try to plan their escape. Shortly after, Dwayne joins them and Ilsa runs to Sarah to set her free knowing that she couldn’t be the killer. They get to the room and notice that she broke away. At this point, the three decide to venture to the car parked in some random ass place that isn’t the driveway by going through the creepy woods! They find Rumor’s dead body strung on a tree, causing further panic.

They finally get to the mom van at the middle of nowhere and notice that it has been broken in. They find Sarah trying to jumpstart the vehicle and tries to tell them who the killer is. But before she could say the name Dwayne Hellraisers her and shoots her numerous times in the head with the nailgun. Once the three get in the car, Ilsa remembers that she hit the killer in the face when she was chased and realized that Dwayne had a gash on his face, causing suspicion to escalate further towards him. She and Marcus confront him, and he tries to rationalize his reasoning, causing the two to eventually stangle him to death with jumper cables. Marcus tells Ilsa that “We won!” and now makes Ilsa more suspicious of him. She gets more paranoid that they may have not killed the killer afterall. Marcus calms her crazy ass down and eventually jumpstart the car before Marcus gets attacked with the shit shovel. Ilsa runs off into the woods, while the two fight. Marcus puts up a grand fight before getting shanked in the side by that cheese knife and then bashed repeatedly by the shovel.

We then pickup to what happened in the beginning scene. Ilsa runs through woods…to shed…blah blah blah (when will this movie end already?!). But in case if you need a recap of my recap, either scroll up to the second paragraph, or allow me to copy and paste my nonsense:

“We open the movie to a girl who runs through the woods screaming in terror. She takes a lean on a tree, crying about god knows what…probably cramps. Eventually, she finds an abandoned shed where she hides on the side. She covers her mouth since her stupid breathing is too loud that it could attract attention. I’m assuming she is a mouth breather. As the killer gets closer to her, she grabs a rock to prepare herself for an attack, but it backfires since she sucks at defending herself and gets knocked to the ground. She pants in fear and looks surprised as she found out whodunnit. “It was you the whole time?!””

It is revealed that Dominic is the killer. Surprise! He wasn’t dead! He then reveals the dumbass motive for the entire night. He was number four on Harvard’s waitlist. Mariko, Kenji, and Ilsa were ahead of him on the list. His intention was to just have those three over for the weekend but had increase his kill count due to the other unexpected guests. He even had his dad, who is conveniently revealed to be a cop at this point, take a convict out and allow Dominic to tie him up as a hostage at the tree to let him loose when this is all over to frame him for the murders. Stupid. I will not go into too much more detail, the movie does it for me. Dominic LITERALLY recites a god forsaken dissertation in detail about what he did and where he was every time! It took five minutes for him to recite this shit! Seriously, Dominic…There is no need to write a paper about this. You didn’t get into Harvard. There is no need to write a book about this.

After twenty-six chapters of Dominic’s boring presentation of his kills without any powerpoint presentations, Ilsa blinds him with moss and runs away, getting back to the van where she finds Marcus collapsed. She then goes for the nail gun sitting next to Pinhead’s daughter, empty. So, to be resourceful, she tries to take a nail out of Sarah’s head. She awakens from the pain…not dead, while Ilsa goes Jigsaw on her to grab some ammunition. She of course misses most of them and gets him in the neck but, gets her to the ground before going in for the final kill. Sarah silently pulls more nails out of her head to load the gun and shoots him straight in the forehead as he collapses straight over her face and drips blood over her, like a hot, red shower. She soon after gets startled by Marcus who is also still alive with his face looking bashed in, and the three get into the van to make their escape.

Cuts to the morning with sad music. Sara and Marcus are collapsed in the backseat looking horrible while poor little Ilsa has basic flesh wounds in comparison to them. She better not complain! As she drives away, she takes a slip of paper out of her pocket, showing that she drew the “Killer” slip in the game. So, I guess her, and Dominic are even. Ilsa takes Harvard away from him…Dominic takes her role as killer in the game away from her.

The end. Thank god!

Overall, I am not a fan of this movie. Dominic’s motive is so dumb in my opinion. Who kills people because they didn’t get into Harvard? Why didn’t he apply to safety schools? What kind of cop lends a convict to be staged as a killer to help their son get away with murder? Lots of unanswered questions that I don’t even want to try and figure out and not waste my time any further.

Now let’s hand out some awards…the only awards that these actors will get for this movie!

The Haunted Hunk award will go to Dominic. I’m not one to judge appearance to adolescents. However, Dwayne was a major douchebag. Abs don’t really win awards! Take notes peeps. As annoying and whiny as Dominic is throughout the movie, I liked his mystery.

The Killer Slay award-aka best kill-will go to Rumor. His death was pretty brutal! Hammered in the head repeatedly, and then a hook through the eye socket and dragged away to be strung up against a tree while alive is kind of badass. Plus, they show it all…so it was cringeworthy even for me.

The Basic Beheading award-aka worst kill-will go to Dominic. For as gruesome as the deaths were, and with Sarah becoming a pinhead with many nails in the head, I felt like they could’ve ended the final kill to be more than just one nail through the forehead.

Rating 4/10 ****

I would give this movie a smaller rating. However, the acting was decent. It wasn’t like they had Kristen Stewart from Twilight in there. These people were mostly convincing. The death scenes were actually done well too. I just am so turned off by that stupid killer motive! It was also obvious who the killer was within the first half of the movie. Normally, I like to figure out killers as soon as possible. But I felt like they could’ve done with less context clues.

And there you have it! Another beatdown complete! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we will be resuming our gaming spirit, by playing along with a group of desperately money hungry folks in “Would you Rather”! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!

Image ISN’T Everything-Part 1

Hello everybody!

Today will be a sensitive topic that everybody is guilty of at one time in their lives, regardless if you identify as LGBTQIA+. For the community’s focus, I will only talk about it within my community, more specifically with gay men. We have all, at one point in our lives, made a judgment of a person based on what they looked like. I am not talking about race in this situation, even though that is an issue I will touch on later. These judgments are based on what you see right in front of you. I’m going to dig more specifically on the issue of weight.

Do you notice in most Pride celebrations or even gay bars, some groups usually have the same look. Either being skinny, muscley, attractive, etc… At times, you feel like you are back in high school as these groups observe every ounce of your appearance.

hot-guys-of-coachella | The Authentic Gay

Did you know that with all of the population of individuals who have checked into a rehab facility for eating disorders, 5% are male? Of that 5%, 42% of those men identify as LGBT. Gay men are seven times more likely to report binging and twelve times more likely to report purging than heterosexual males. Why are these numbers so high?

Gay and Bisexual Men Have Higher Rates of Disordered Eating | The Fenway  Institute - Center for Population Research in LGBT Health

According to the same statistics, the most common reason these gay men admit to eating disorders is community standards.

Well, coming from experience, as much as the LGBTQIA community begs for acceptance and love from society, we have a long way to go with accepting each other. I had had my fair share of comments made to me about my appearance. My weight was one of them. It’s funny because I was very skinny in my early twenties when I actually gave a shit about what people thought of me. I stayed skinny due to some genetics, excessive drinking, and skipping a lot of meals. I cared so much about what people thought of me because I just wanted to be accepted, even loved. I would do whatever it took to make that happen as far as appearance is concerned.

Back when I was single, you would look at dating profiles, like Grindr. This was the only social outlet when it first came out that was also used to find friends (not too often, since there is one main motive on this app.), and on this app, there would be profiles that would literally say, No FATS! I understand that everybody has a sexual type, but why promote it? Why put it front and center on the profile to lock anybody out of a general conversation?

Gay Body Image: Evaluating the Emotional Connection Between Body Image and  Gay Men

The sad reality is this: The community bases their interactions with people based on if they are physically attractive more than their character qualities. Even though they may or may not have a future with them sexually, they base the opinions on that. Trust me; I have had my share of conversations with these people back in the day openly admitted to these statements. I am aware that not everyone has these mentalities. This is more frequent in the young adult categories and slowly fades with age but never completely. Some may disagree with that statement because the older we get, our ability to give a damn about other people’s perceptions fade. It’s not noticed as much.

Now, I’m not saying that I am a saint with this either. I made my share of judgments when I was in my early twenties for the same reason, but only for dating purposes. I shorty realized soon after that the people you cast judgment on have feelings too and struggle to survive in this harsh world we live in to feel loved for who they are. We all have our moments of ignorance and immaturity. After all…we are human!

Let’s not put down people based on being overweight, forcing them to be crushed and feel unwelcome and potentially causing them to make the poor decision to have an eating disorder. You are not only looking like a complete jerk, but you are endangering the victim’s life. Yes, it’s the choice of the individual to go on this dangerous path. But you are essentially pulling the trigger! Causing somebody to skip a meal or purge not only validates their destructive choices but causes long-term problems with their health. Why can’t we make friends for who they are instead of what they are? Can’t we make friends with people who aren’t fit, have a great time with them, and let them go home and eat whatever they want to when it’s all over?

I compare many what the younger community handles conversations with each other like “Mean Girls.” There are cliques that don’t respect each other. They belittle people based on small, unnecessary qualities that shouldn’t matter. There are more qualities that the community judges each other apart from the size, which I will be tackling little by little with each new post in the coming weeks.

Here’s another fun fact! Gay men who feel connected to other gay men have a lower eating disorder rate, suggesting that having a sense of belonging to a community has a “protective effect.” So, let me make a suggestion…make everybody feel welcome despite their appearance and drop the immature shallowness that our community keeps shedding!

This Underwear Line Just Launched a Body-Positive, Trans-Inclusive Campaign  (Photos) | Hornet, the Gay Social Network

We need to normalize body positivity and only allow individuals to choose to lose weight for health reasons and not because of societal standards. Every person in this world has a quality of character that is essential for you to learn from, both positive and negative. So cut the crap!

Next Sunday, I will tackle another part of the image subject that gets discriminated against in our community. Stay tuned!

Also, my debut novel “Cardinal Rules” is out for preorder! Go to the Books tab, and order your copy for my release in March!

Cardinal Rules

Take care!

Movie Beatdown-Terror Train

Its time for your weekly/biweekly Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Terror Train”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Terror Train is a 1980 Canadian slasher film directed by Roger Spottiswoode in his directorial debut and starring Jamie Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, and Hart Bochner. Set aboard a moving train on New Year’s Eve, the film follows a group of pre-medical school students holding a costume party who are targeted by some killers who steal their costumes after murdering some students to avoid being caught. It features supporting performances from Sandee Currie, Anthony Sherwood, and David Copperfield. Their initial intention was to create “Halloween on a train.”

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown!

of a Vintage Movie Projector. Projection Rays by KinoMaster | VideoHive

At a college fraternity’s New Year’s Eve party, a reluctant Alana Maxwell, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, known for “Prom Night” and the cult favorite “Halloween,” movies is coerced into participating in a prank: she lures the shy and awkward and do I mention, slightly dweeby pledge Kenny Hampson into a darkened room on the promise of a sexual liaison.

Jack Salazar, the Jaded Skeptic is a...: The Horror Of...Terror Train

At a college fraternity’s New Year’s Eve party, a reluctant Alana Maxwell, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, known for “Prom Night” and the cult favorite “Halloween,” movies is coerced into participating in a prank: she lures the shy and awkward and do I mention, slightly dweeby pledge Kenny Hampson into a darkened room on the promise of a sexual liaison. She makes him strip down to his underwear. I do question if he got the panties from Victoria’s Secret. Seriously…I swear I sold a pair of those when I worked in retail in ladies’ intimates! Oh well…work it out, sis! However, some other students have placed a woman’s corpse (stolen from the university medical school during the Christmas vacation) in the bed instead without Alana’s awareness. Kenny is traumatized and begins twirling on top of the bed, dancing and getting tangled in the chiffon gossamer atop of the bed. It is definitely a fantasy that I would love to do if I weren’t disrespectful with fabric. It’s the seamstress in me that wouldn’t disrespect a textile like that…but to each is own. Kenny became so damaged by the prank that he was sent over to a psychiatric hospital.

TERROR TRAIN (page one)

Three years later, the members of the same fraternities and sororities hold a New Year’s Eve costume party aboard a train. Sounds like a bunch of fun! Why can’t trains be more of a thing? Stupid advancements in technology! Class clown Ed is disguised as Groucho Marx, who I have no freakin’ idea who the hell that is if I could be honest with you all; Prank ringleader Doc Manley is disguised as a monk; Jackson is disguised as an alien lizard; Doc’s girlfriend, Alana’s best friend Mitchy, is disguised as a witch; and Alana’s boyfriend Mo is disguised as a bird. Also along are Carne, the train conductor, and a magician hired to entertain the crowd. The magician is played by none other than magic legend David Copperfield. Who knew he was a horror goon?!

Movie Reviews by The Countess of the Crypt - The Horror Report

Ed is murdered with a sword through his gut prior to boarding and is left to die and eventually get ran over by the train as it starts to leave. Everybody thought that it was a prank since he spent majority of the boarding time making sexual jokes with his date, which happened to be a blow-up doll. I had a boyfriend just like that. I wonder what happened to him? It’s deflating to even think about whatever happened to him (get it?).

Howard Busgang: Movies, TV, and Bio

Seriously, his jokes are worse than mine. The killer dresses himself in Ed’s Groucho Marx mask, allowing him to board the train unnoticed. As the train journeys into the wilderness, the killer wanders amongst the students, who believe him to be Ed. Alana and Mitchy have their cheesy heart to heart with reminiscing in their last hoorah before becoming grownups, promising that they will keep in touch…yeah right! We cut to the party in the main compartment of the train where this young woman, whose name is not important. But her costume is an oversized pair of pants hiked up past her chest. WTF? Then we resume to one of my favorite parts of old school horror…music montages. There is a disco ball and a party, where in the corner is the magician and his glamourous assistant observe the patrons. There is a slight red-herring moment with the magician remaining mysterious even after the assistant encourages him to socialize with the crowd.

Movie Reviews by The Countess of the Crypt - The Horror Report

Then we go into the senior’s cart where the boys all praise each other for their prank they did on Kenny. Alana joins them and overhears the conversation, trying to knock some sense into them and cause some regret for sending somebody to the psychiatric ward. Mitchy shortly after stumbles around intoxicated, and runs into who she thinks is Ed.

Happy 35th Anniversary to 'Terror Train!' - Bloody Disgusting

The killer follows her towards the bathroom and tries to shove her in to kill her but was interrupted by Jackson. He silently lures Jackson into the sleeper bathroom and murders him by smashing his head into a mirror. Now, that is not what I had in mind when I want to be alone with another man in a bathroom! We go back to the senior’s cart and Alana is smoking a joint with Mo, where she finds out that the prank was his idea, spoiled by Doc. I sensed a lot of sexual tension between Doc and Mo…but that is for you to determine when and if you see it. But I will say that they SCREAM “Brokeback Mountain”! She sees the magician doing small tricks with the crowd of students, warming them up. Alana seemed to be the only one that was really into the tricks. Again, some flirtatious tension between the two. Back off Jamie Lee Curtis! He’s mine!

Tubi Tuesday: Terror Train (1980) - Morbidly Beautiful

The magic show starts with the magician doing impressive card tricks on stage, and then some levitation tricks with his glamourous assistant. She looks a bit like Vanna White in her early years…pretty, but not polished. Back in the senior’s cart, Mo is drinking alone feeling defeated by Alana’s disappointment in him for his prank. Doc stops by and encourages him that she will get over it. Mo doesn’t think so. Much to my gay hypothesis stated earlier, Doc responds with, “Well you always have me.” HOMO ALERT! *que the fire sirens*

Kinemalogue: Census Bloodbath: Murder on the Boreal Express

Cut back to the magic show, where the levitation trick finishes with a disappearing act. The crowd goes wild before an intermission happens! Alana asks Carne about Ed, not noticing that he has been around and starting to express concern, as what a scream queen would do. Mitchy notices Doc and Mo convincing other girls to join them in a private room by using a stupid medical pickup line. “I worked in the emergency gynecologic ward last summer. Doc won an award for best pap smear in the ward.” Who wrote this shit?!

They try to go hookup in the bathroom and was still occupied by the dead Jackson. Carne approaches them and helps with the door once the four leave and finds Jackson’s bloodied body in the bathroom, still donning the lizard costume. Now this is why you don’t go to the bathroom alone! You could die and leave a bloody mess!

Jackson (Terror Train) | The Dead Meat Wiki | Fandom

He leaves to go find assistance. When Carne returns to the scene with the brake master Charlie, the killer has hidden Jackson’s body and is now posing in the lizard costume; as he appears conscious with the bloody mess cleaned up to perfection, Charlie assures Carne that the partygoer was merely drunk.

Mitchy goes with the killer, whom she believes to be Jackson, to a compartment where she attempts to seduce him. As she closes her eyes, he caresses her with Jackson’s severed hand as it runs up her leg, before murdering her. “You know what they say…cold hands, warm heart.” Side note-I have noticed that there are a TON of unfaithful kids on this damn train! Stupid kids!

Terror Train | Worsemovies

Alana and the magician have another sexually tense moment where he impresses her with more tricks. Doc halts their moment and convinces her to find Mo who he claims is sorry for everything, trying to have her walk in on him having a hookup session with one of the other girls. Yes, the stupid girl with the pant costume. Surprisingly, it was easy to take off since it is fascinated with a belt. As Miranda Priestley once said, “Groundbreaking.”

Carne finds Mitchy’s corpse in the compartment with her throat slashed. Alana stumbles upon the scene, and Carne informs her that Mitchy is dead. Alana doesn’t believe him at first, but then is shown her corpse. So much for remaining friends after college! During a magic show held by the magician and his female assistant, Doc finds Mo stabbed to death as he sat collapsed on the outskirts of the crowd, though the partying onlookers assume the scene to be a prank. Doc carries Mo to the back of the train to try and revive him, like any gay lover would do for their best friend. Carne and Charlie stop the train abruptly, causing all the students to overact as they fell to the floor from the force…Another way to drop a beat! They sequester the students in one car; while doing so, two pullman porters find the corpse of Pet, another student.

Suspecting Kenny may be involved, Alana recalls the prank to Doc, and recounts her attempt to visit Kenny at the psychiatric hospital, where she learned that Kenny may have been involved in a murder before the prank. She pieces together all of the people that were murdered were all involved with the prank. Doc, like the moron he is, initially doesn’t believe her. She convinces him that they are in danger and run back into a compartment to hide themselves. Doc shows Alana the yearbook, where Kenny’s page was full of him doing magic tricks. Convinced that Kenny is the magician, she wants to warn the others. Doc warned her that if she does, she is kicked out of the room. Doc subsequently seals himself inside a room in the sleeper car where the killer was hiding the whole time and is murdered.

Horror Movie Hunk: Hart Bochner | Movie Matters

Shortly after, Alana and Carne find his decapitated body…he deserved it if you ask me. Believing the magician may be Kenny in disguise, Alana notifies Carne, who goes to lock him inside the parlor car; there he finds the magician’s female assistant, but Carne and the porters are unable to find the magician. He convinces her to come with them for safety measures.

Alana is sequestered in a locked compartment for her safety, which the masked killer infiltrates, killing the chief porter with one of the magician’s prop swords before arming himself with an axe. He breaks into the compartment and stabs the pile of blankets assuming that she was sleeping. It was the blow-up doll, concealed as a distraction. Now, who invited her back to the party?! She runs screaming her well known scream that has made her lots of money. Alana is pursued through the train. One of my favorite parts of a slasher…the chase scene! Not too much chasing since they are on a train.

Celebrate the New Year With 'Terror Train'! - Bloody Disgusting

She ends up in the captain’s corridor, locked in with nowhere to go. She gets thrown around the wall and even gets one of her earrings ripped cleanly off her, which is a shame since she was planning on wearing her grandmother’s gold hoop earrings the next day. Sad.

Movie Review: Terror Train (1980) | by Patrick J Mullen | As Vast as Space  and as Timeless as Infinity | Medium

She blinds him with a fire extinguisher and locks herself inside the caged office. She was safe for a moment while she thought of a plan. The killer takes a pipe-like crowbar and crushes all the lightbulbs and then starts prodding in the cage to scare her. As he breaks the lock, Alana finds the old wooden block with a nail to keep your receipts and stabs him in the cheek and runs away.

John Ary Boards TERROR TRAIN!!

While in-between cars, she manages to push the killer overboard, unaware that he has managed to hold on below. The crew finds her in shambles and distraught from being attacked…wimp. They let her rest in a stall. After being informed that they were close to their destination, she moseys on back to magicians’ cart, to reminisce on the back of the train. She then gets all nosey and looks around in his stuff. She finds the magician’s dead body contorted in his sword box. Alana runs through the train car and finds Charlie in the baggage car seated with his head resting in his hands. She tells him the magician is dead, and lays her head on the table, when he grabs her by her wrists.

Listicle of Death] Five of the Biggest Genderf$!k Reveals in Horror -  Bloody Disgusting

Alana realizes it is Kenny, who is indeed the killer, dressed in Charlie’s uniform. Kenny removes the uniform cap to reveal a blonde wig, and Alana realizes he has been posing in drag as the magician’s female assistant. She was very convincing, but this was before the days of contouring and shimmering highlighter. Comparatively, she looked pretty busted! Perhaps she would be ready to compete in NEXT year’s season of RuPaul’s Drag Race!

Kenny Hampson | Villains Wiki | Fandom

Alana apologizes to Kenny about the prank, but he refuses to accept her apology and forces her to kiss him; the kiss causes Kenny to relive his memories from the prank and drives him deeper into insanity, making him flash back to his moments of disrespecting chiffon fabric and twirling uncontrollably in fury. Carne rushes to the scene and beats down Kenny with a shovel, causing him to fall out the open door of the baggage car to his death. His body lands in a nearly frozen river and floats away as the train roars off. The movie ends with the train screeching its horn before resuming to credits and an uncorrelated song.

Terror Train - Unintentionally funny ending scene - YouTube

I absolutely love this movie! It is one of my all-time favorites. I don’t have too many negatives to say about this movie. This is a unique slasher with some predictability, but not too much to keep you in some sort of suspense.

Let’s hand out some awards!

The Haunted Hunk award goes to the magician himself, David Copperfield. He was quite the looker back then, and I don’t mind a little tricks for kicks! Since Doc and Mo are too busy having their own tension…I will be his assistant!

The Killer Slay award-aka best kill- goes to Doc. In the words of the cell block tango in Chicago…He had it coming! I couldn’t wait for his pretentious ass to die. And the fact that he went all crazy before he was killed was an added bonus.

The Basic Beheading award-aka worse kill- will go to Mo. They just showed him collapsed on the floor as if he was drunk and passed out. When they finally aided to his help, they opened up his man blouse and saw that he was cut up. I wanted to see more than what they showed.

Rating- 9.8 out of 10 *********

I think this movie is so underappreciated. It is something that everybody should buy, rent, stream, whatever! I think the only thing I wish would change is just the ending. Kenny got knocked off the train and died from impact and then it just cut to the train horn and then credits. Other than that, I wish there was more chiffon disrespect and more twirling.

And there you have it! Another beatdown complete! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we will be celebrating graduation with a bunch of dumbass kids that plays an innocent game that goes wrong with 2017’s “Dead Body”! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Also, my debut novel “Cardinal Rules” is now available for preorder. Links for all available platforms are located in the Books section of the website.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!

How Brady got his groove back…financially!

Hello everybody!

Today’s topic will not be about anything LGBTQIA. The only thing relating to the subject is the person this is about. Me. My apologies if this disappoints you.

This week, I did something that ended a chapter of my life that I have been struggling with for many years…I paid off my student loans. As excited and satisfied as I am to put such a damaging experience behind me, I wanted to take a moment and briefly stroll down memory lane and explain to you why this has been an experience that I will never want to endure again.

I was a senior in high school and still needed to solidify a path that I wanted to take with my life. I grew up in a generation where our educators and elders had drilled it into our heads that “If you don’t go to college, you will not be successful,” or “You will end up flipping burgers for the rest of your life if you don’t go to college!”. Falling into the pressures of society, and for personal accomplishment, I was dedicated to getting a college degree. I struggled with the idea of either writing, teaching, or fashion design. After many sleepless nights, I went with my heart and decided to go for fashion design. The next step after that was to figure out where I was going to go. Growing up in a small town that, at the time, did not embrace a slightly feminine and creative person like me. I’m not going to go into full details of the torment I experienced since that is not the topic’s focus. But, I wanted to get as far away as I could. However, I am very close to my mother and siblings; I couldn’t leave them behind and go to another side of the country. I didn’t think that it would be a healthy transition for them or myself. I decided to go to school at a university that was roughly three and a half hours away. Being far away from my hometown to start fresh, but close enough to come home if I’m needed or if I needed them.

I had a great first year of school, especially since this was the year I finally came out of the closet and chose to live my fullest life as my authentic self. I was enjoying my classes and met some fantastic people that I valued deeply. But, of course, with every experience comes the fine print of the contract. That, I’m talking about student loans. Being an out of state student that was minutes from the border in a state that didn’t offer reciprocity, I was responsible for paying roughly $30,000 in tuition and costs.

Luckily(to some extent), I had work-study that paid for a decent chunk of the costs where I worked at a bowling alley on campus, which was tons of fun! I also had over half of my tuition covered by grants. I still had my fair share of federal student loans though. One loan that I had that was my demise was a parent PLUS loan that my mother had to sign for me to finish off my costs. My mom signed the first year of the loans, which I believe equaled to about $4,000. I’m not sure of the charges since it was the first loan that I decided to pay off many years ago. My mom was apprehensive to sign the loan, to begin with, with her credit being affected and unable to make payments while I was in school. She ended up signing for it to help cover the remainder of my costs.

In the second year of college, I was eager to get back. I dealt with a traumatizing summer living back in my hometown where, long story short, I was treated even worse than I ever had been as an out gay person. I packed all of my belongings and canceled my dorm contract for the year, and just signed a lease with a friend for an apartment so that I could stay yearly. My sophomore year was not the best year for me. I had more challenging classes that I managed to pass by the skin of my teeth. I was sick the entire first semester and was burned out and stressed trying to figure out how to adapt to a fully responsible life in renting an apartment for the first time. By the time it was a couple of weeks before finals, I had noticed that I was still short $8,000 on my tuition bill. Being too distracted with my semester of 21 credits and working while sick, I didn’t realize it. I looked up the loan issue and found out that my mother didn’t want to sign for another year of student loans, especially with an amount that practically doubled in cost for one semester alone. After discussing with her, she didn’t feel comfortable adding that amount of debt to her credit and wanted to stop signing the loan and adding more money to her debt.

Am I upset? Not in the least. I understand that loans are a huge undertaking, and trusting in somebody else to pay them off for you would make me apprehensive. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would have the same reservations. To this date, I never held that against my mother.

Unfortunately, I had two weeks to find somebody to cosign this loan. Of course, nobody wanted to. I also didn’t know the other options at the time, being only nineteen and not aware of the financial end of college. Due to the inability to fund my spring semester, I had no other choice but to drop out of college and move back to my hometown.

I was devastated that my educational journey was pulled away from me. I come from a humble, blue-collared family, where we work very hard for everything. I busted my butt in college and was even on track to graduate a year early. Some classmates took their experience for granted and partied the entire time, and didn’t care about failing classes since their parents were paying for it. With my frustration towards myself and these ungrateful people I knew, I fell into a deep depression. I became irresponsible with saving the money I earned working a minimum wage job at the place I worked at in high school. I wasn’t paying my bills and eventually started couch surfing until I moved back to my college town since there were more employment options, and I knew the area well. I also didn’t want to deal with daily ridicule from the closed minded comments I heard every day. Yes, you read that right…I moved from my hometown to my college town three times! I knew it was a crazy idea, but it was the only shot I had at the time.

I lived in my college town for an additional three years. I worked more minimum wage jobs in foodservice and retail while couch surfing for the first year until I had my own apartment with a friend. Through that experience, I met some fantastic people in my jobs that I still consider as family. I didn’t have a car or a driver’s license, so I spent all but a week or two with these people. I couldn’t make it home for the holidays, so I spent it with them. I felt like I had the social experience that I couldn’t allow myself to have in college. I would party and have a good time with people who fully embraced me as who I am. Unfortunately, there was a price for this.

As much fun as I had with my friends, my depression dug me deeper into a point of no return. Partying turned into excessive drug usage and drinking. I also was receiving threatening phone calls multiple times a day from debt collectors, where they yelled and threatened me, even at work. On top of it, I was still not paying a dime on my loans. I would only send the bare minimum to my mother on her loan if I had any leftovers from my habits on my minimum wage salary. I also wasn’t paying my rent on time and relied on the kindness of others to carry me through the expenses. Long story short, my drug habits got me into deep trouble. I ended up eventually homeless, to the point where I slept in a park for a couple of days. Let me tell you, nothing is more diminishing than sleeping in a slide to protect yourself from the cold rain.

Eventually, I saw myself for who I was—a leech. Feeling ashamed for the habits that I allowed myself to integrate into my life, I decided to move back home. My mom picked me up and moved me back. At this point, I had very little to my name and was physically emaciated from eating little and sleeping minimally. I only stayed with her for a short period to rest and eat up before moving to a bigger town conveniently closer to family, but had options for employment. I chose to move out of home quickly to prove to myself that I could do this, this time without roommates or friends to carry me. I needed the redemption in knowing that I could be the responsible person I was before I allowed myself to become complacent and develop horrible habits. I worked in retail, sometimes even a second job, finally started chipping away at my mom’s loan, eventually paying it off within two or so years. I was glad to pay her loan off and no longer burden her with my debt that I was irresponsible with managing. Shortly after, I received a final notice in the mail. My $8,000 that was supposed to be signed by my mom was turned into unpaid tuition that eventually went into collections, and over the past six years with interest has grown into $15,000. Not knowing my rights as a borrower and still allowing them to take advantage of me, I made arrangements for a payment plan. It was a ridiculously high amount, but at this time, I was living with my husband, and I didn’t feel like I was alone with the bills. I also found a better job that paid much more and it wasn’t in retail. I also enlisted the help of a credit counselor who assisted with breaking down finances and my rights as a borrower, so I knew what the debt collectors could and couldn’t get away with. I was able to be knowledgeable with how they can talk to me, and stopped them from the harassment once and for all. I paid the minimum amount and saved every penny, paying off that debt off within two years. I celebrated that victory by getting our cat. That celebration was short-lived since I had received yet, another notice about all of the other loans that I had taken out that I haven’t even started paying. It was another $11,000. Luckily, with my taxes being garnished for the past nine years, I had it whittled down to $7,000. I worked hard at paying that amount off next.

And that’s where I stand here today!

The reason why I wanted to bring this topic up is for a few reasons. Yes, it’s a harsh burden on everybody when they take out loans. These loans almost killed me at some point. As much as I take full responsibility for my actions with my addictions, I think my journey wouldn’t have spiraled as far out of control with them threatening me every day. I have been off drugs for many years and haven’t had a drop of alcohol for two years, so to finally detoxify the one thing from my twenties held me back is a very gratifying experience.

I also want to express gratitude for everybody who has put up with my irresponsible self. In particular, my mom is one hell of a lady for tolerating my moving as I struggled and my neglect for paying her loan off. The one thing that I appreciate in my mom and something that most parents should have is the ability to love their child unconditionally, no matter how much she may have not agreed with my decisions. Not only did she do that, but she motivated me to be better. She didn’t hold my hand and enable my habits. She was tough when she needed to be and supportive when she had to. It was a perfect balance so that I didn’t take advantage of her, and she didn’t leave me completely in the dark. She didn’t have to be supportive…she chose it. And, for that, I am forever thankful. We may disagree on certain aspects of life, and we may argue. But by the end of the day, I love and value the qualities she expressed during my dark times. I am also grateful for my husband, who believed in me through this process even when I didn’t believe in myself at times.

I also want to send a message to any kids that are reading this and are considering college. Even if you want to pack up and get away to a faraway place, weigh out your financial options. Go to a community college to cheapen your bills and not take out an arm and a leg for your general education credits, and THEN transfer to where you want to go and pay the big bucks for the credits toward your major. Also, if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, don’t go to college right away then! The cost of college has sky rocketed even since I went to college twelve years ago. Don’t waste your money on something that your heart is not fully invested in. I also support the idea of going to college later in life. You have some time to find yourself and figure out what you want to do, and financially you are more aware of the risks of failing a class. Thus, taking college more seriously. You are also more knowledge in reading the fine print of student loans, instead of blindly signing the contract at eighteen not knowing a damn thing about it. Also, don’t listen to society’s standards for advancing your education. Only do it if you want to or if the career path you want requires it.

If you are struggling with your finances, just know that there will be a day that the misery will end. Your hard work will pay off if you work hard and believe that you can do it. I’m not saying that it will be easy. It will be worth it when you look back and realize that you just climbed one of the biggest and most challenging mountains of your life! Don’t be overwhelmed like I was and neglect it either. It will only make you fall into a deeper hole that will only be a worse situation to overcome.

I am very proud of the journey that I took that got me here. Based on my story that you just read, you would assume that I would have regrets…but I don’t. I wouldn’t be as wise as I am and as resilient as I have become without these extremely tough moments. It really does take for somebody to hit rock bottom to motivate them to become the best version of themselves. Losing everything makes you know how far you’ve come and where you never want to end up again. Just remember that in most challenges you face in your life, you are your own problem…and your solution.