Movie Beatdown-Valentine

Welcome to another episode of my newly not so acclaimed, Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Valentine” Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Valentine is a 2001 American slasher film directed by Jamie Blanks and starring Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, Marley SheltonJessica Capshaw, and Katherine Heigl. Loosely based on the novel of the same name by Tom Savage, the film follows a group of women in San Francisco who are stalked by a killer wearing a Cupid mask.

Released theatrically in February 2001, the film was critically panned, with critics deeming it too similar to 1980s slasher films. The film earned $36.7 million on a $10 million budget.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown!

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At a junior high school St. Valentine’s Day dance in 1988 San Francisco, Jeremy Melton, an outcast student, asks four popular girls to dance one by one as they go in and out of the opening credits.

The first three girls, Shelley, Lily, and Paige reject him spitefully. It is bringing back all of my middle school nightmares, minus the girls part (just kidding, I only danced with the girls back in the day to block them from the idiotic boys). The fourth girl, Kate, politely responds “maybe later”. Their overweight friend Dorothy accepts Jeremy’s invitation and they proceed to secretly make out underneath the bleachers. When the school bully Joe Tulga and his friends discover them, Dorothy claims that Jeremy sexually assaulted her which is completely uncalled for. Joe and his friends dump a batch of fruit punch on him, then publicly strip and severely beat Jeremy, and his nose starts bleeding under the distress. It is later revealed Jeremy was expelled and eventually transferred to a reform school. Sad. Look what you did!

Jeremy Melton | Villains Wiki | Fandom

Thirteen years later, in 2001, Shelley played by Katherine Heigl, known for being on Gray’s Anatomy goes on a third person speaking Jason, as he arrogantly talks about himself. She was hating every minute of it as she wrote the words “help me” on her food. Like, she would assume that somebody was going to fly in and save her? The check comes, and like normal idiotic men, couldn’t afford the tab. He LITERALLY breaks down who paid for what to help him pay a lesser bill. Great first and last date! She leaves to go study. She is now a medical student at UCLA, is at the morgue one evening studying for her medical exam. She talked to the dead body she named Chad, and as she was studying the parts, she talked to it stating she liked the “silent type,”. Me too Katherine…me too.

Movie Review: Valentine (2001). I think it's pretty safe to say this is… |  by Patrick J Mullen | As Vast as Space and as Timeless as Infinity | Medium

She becomes interrupted by a noise and walks to the locker room After receiving a vulgar Valentine’s card in her locker, she heads back into the room and the dead body moved and discovered that Chad was moved. She turned back to notice that who she thought was Chad has now disappeared. Uh-oh, didn’t know that was about zombies! Shelley suddenly was attacked by a man in a trench coat and Cupid mask, which is much more reasonable than the baby face in “Happy Death Day,”. This mask is actually creepy, and slightly alluring. She is cornered in a cooler used to store cadavers, where she attempts to hide in a body bag to set herself up for her untimely death. They don’t have to do much work, its all done for the police! Much to our surprise, the killer finds her and slits her throat.

Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

For a moment I thought the killer was Seth Rogan for having regrets for knocking her up…but I then figured that he would be too stoned to do that! The killer’s nose bleeds as she dies. It must be dry in there! You would assume that a cooler would have some sort of moisture to preserve the dead bodies.

Valentine Revisited: A Fascinating Post-Scream Slasher – /Film

Paige, played by Denise Richards from the more recent seasons of the Real Housewives of Orange County, and Kate, played by Marley Shelton who went on to play the famous Deputy Judy Hicks in Scream 4 head to a speed dating night. Paige encourages Kate to move on from Adam who continuously disappoints her with her drinking habits. Why not play Russian roulette with a bunch of random crazy and desperate men. We have to give them credit, because none of these closet cases had Grindr. So you can’t blame them! There was only one close to normal candidate, but Paige like the best friend that she is took him away from her. I love friends! Kate then gets the call that Shelley has been murdered. What a fun night, ruined!

At Shelley’s funeral, Kate walks out with Adam played by the dreamy and drool worthy David Boreanaz from Bones and Angel…woof. Of course, she finds a bottle of alcohol in his front seat. I think a box of chocolates would do. He expresses that he is trying his best to control his habits. In the famous words of Marsha Brady, “Sure Jan.”

Valentine (2001)

Kate, Lily, who is played by Jessica Cauffiel who was the Elle Wood’s best friend in Legally Blonde who gave Professor Montoya a lap dance…luckily, Paige, and Dorothy who is played by Jessica Brooke Capshaw who also went to Gray’s Anatomy are questioned. They admit to not having seen her in some time after she moved from San Francisco to Los Angeles.

Valentine (2001)

Dorothy gets home to her super expensive mansion owned by her rich father. She receives an obscene card with the signature of JM. Her boyfriend, Campbell, shows up and loses his apartment and temporarily moves in with her at her father’s large mansion. Her stepmother who is a much younger mail order bride wannabe who opposes the decision. They fight, like any rebellious daughter would do to their newly unemployable hooker of a stepmom, who now doesn’t have to work hard for them coins!

Valentine (2001)

We then cut to Kate, taking a shower as she gets ready for work. She hears a noise and checks it out wrapped in her oversized towel…pretty much a blanket. After noticing nothing out of the ordinary, she tries to turn the shower back on and noticed that the water has been shut off. She checked the fridge for her bottled water. Only an eighth is in there…who does that?! Who leaves that little water in a bottle and saves it?! She was left with no other choice but to wash the shampoo off in the toilet.

Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

I hope she flushed before doing that, or else she would have poo to go with her shampoo. She dries her hair off and finds her door open and overhears the elevator and finds the cupid mask keeping the door ajar. Her creepy neighbor Gary then comes onto her with some jank AF Dr. Seuss wannabe rhymes. “You look great, Kate.” And keeps going. He does it for three or four more times until she says “You’re scary, Gary.” Personally, I would go with this rhyme. “F*** you, Gary!” I’m such a poet! First time.

Lily and Paige then watch the video dating movies. I had to continuously remind myself that this was 2001 and Myspace wasn’t even created yet, so I had to excuse these desperate attempts to find a valentine. She couldn’t even go out with Tom! I do miss seeing him on my top seven list. Lily then receives an obscene card and a box of chocolates and finds out they were filled with maggots after taking a bite. First of all, that takes a lot of work to create these candies with that filling second of all, I would prefer maggots in my chocolates than almonds…just an opinion. Keep your nutty chocolates to yourself!

Valentine 2001 horror movie - YouTube

As the girls attend the exhibit of Lily’s artist boyfriend Max, who definitely could benefit from a haircut for sure. The exhibit is a Valentine’s day theme with video screens of men and women’s mouths saying silly comments in the form of a maze. Groundbreaking. Lily becomes lost at the exhibit after Max invites a second girl to join them in their make out session. I guess she is not into sharing.

Best Jessica Cauffiel GIFs | Gfycat

The killer appears, who proceeds to shoot her repeatedly with arrows until she falls several floors into a dumpster. I found this kill to be very poetic with the cupid theme. I just wish that she didn’t give her lucky scrunchie to Elle Woods. She probably would’ve survived her murder if she had her lucky charm. What a shame!

Valentine (2001) — Keep Screaming
Jessica Cauffiel | Cinemorgue Wiki | Fandom

Of course, the cupid’s nose bleeds again because he didn’t have any tampons to plug it. I’m using a “She’s the Man” reference where Amanda Bynes uses a tampon to stop a nosebleed. I normally don’t do menstrual jokes. Deal with it.

Don't Worry About Switching Period Products Because of Your IUD - Women.com

By the way, I am posting the picture of Amanda Bynes in this blog from “She’s the Man,” to prove a point that I didn’t think of the nosebleeds as a period joke. Don’t get mad at me…get mad at Amanda Bynes. Now, back to Valentine!

The rest of the group meet Campbell’s bitter ex-girlfriend Ruthie, who accuses him of being a con artist.

Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

Adam and Kate meet thereafter at a bar to shoot the shit, and of course she still has reservations of his drinking problems. You go girl!

Valentine (2001) | 2000's Movie Guide

The next day, the detective questions Kate, Paige, and Dorothy and notice that they received a card from Jeremy Melton, who they assume is the person that sent them the messages. They have a hunch that he is back for revenge after their bitchy middle school crap that they pulled on him to make him go cray-cray. Once the detective left, Dorothy admits to Jeremy not sexually assaulting her at the dance and blamed her “former pudgy” disposition as a crutch for her stupid lie. Let’s not blame the way the good lord made you for your crappy decisions. You sure didn’t use that excuse for that crappy hair job!

JCapedia on Twitter: "#TBT to @JessicaCapshaw in the movie "Valentine" (2001)  as Dorothy. Ps: I just watched this movie today again.… "

That evening, Kate talks to Adam about the Jeremy Melton hypothesis. She finally invites him for a night cap, but he declines this time. Probably to come over to my house…I love Bones. I love Booth.

The following day at the police station, they still try to crack the Jeremy Melton code with the detective. They run through ridiculous photo rendering possibilities making him look like he aged  horribly. Come on police, some people grow up to be hot! After much discussion, the assumption of Jeremy Melton is that he is Campbell, frustrating Dorothy as she stormed out. After Kate followed, the sleazeball detective hits on Paige which is very professional. I guess he needed more ammunition in his gun.

Valentine (2001)

Meanwhile, a hot iron is left on in Kate’s apartment (very irresponsible by the way!). The cupid takes it and finds creepy Gary in her room as he pulls a rocky horror moment and tries on her panties and thigh high stockings before getting burned on the face and bashed in the head repeatedly. At least he was all hot and spicy in black in lacy! Just the way I want to leave this world.

Valentine (2001)

Kate comes home to Adam outside of her building and they exchange a brief hello. She feels bad about neglecting him and gives him a coupon for “Free TLC,” I know it means tender love and care…but I grew up with straight brothers and all I hear is “Tables, Ladders, and Chairs!”. We watched a lot of wrestling growing up. I can be butch if I want to!

As Valentine’s Day approaches, Dorothy is planning a party at her family’s estate. On the morning of the party, Dorothy gifts Campbell with a cheap ass watch…probably from Kohls, to express her love. By the way, I have nothing against Kohls. They have great options for your everyday style! He then gifts her with a golden cupid necklace, that didn’t even come close to Kohls…more like a gumball machine. He then tries to clean out Dorothy’s family accounts, like Ruthie predicted earlier. Scumbag. He is interrupted to assist with lighting the pilot light in the basement, where the killer murders Campbell with an ax…Probably wearing axe body spray when he died too. It was that time period where it was a thing!

Retro Review - Valentine (2001) - PopHorror

The party begins with bitchin rock music, making me regret that I didn’t have friends like this in my twenties and questioning all of my life choices. Kate finds Dorothy eating an entire platter of chicken wings. They assume he has simply left her. Adam shows up with his stupid IOU coupon for that TLC. He can now piledrive her through the table after hitting her in the head with a chair…Damn you wrestling!

Paige finds the creep from speed dating that she kindly stole from Kate and lures her upstairs for some privacy. They start to do straight people things (I dunno…work on a car? Is that what straight people do?) He pulls down his pants to show off his anatomy. Paige was unimpressed with his sleazy behavior, but plays along with his stupidity. She ties him to the bed and blindfolds him. I figured she had a nasty side…I mean, she WAS married to Charlie Sheen. *shrugs shoulders*. She gets back at the douchebag and pours hot candle wax onto his member. He DID ask for her to wax it…and then walked out to leave him alone.

Denise Richards from the film Valentine - 2001 - Home | Facebook
Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

After Paige reunites with Kate and Dorothy, in comes raging bitch Ruthie. She makes Dorothy’s night worse by calling out her newly cheap gift from Campbell was actually her. So, she has the crappy sense of jewelry! I got you! Dorothy is aggravated that more evidence is piling up that he never loved her, only her money. Paige and Kate forcefully escort her out of the building like good friends. Paige needed to be left alone and grabs a bottle of champagne and finds her own quiet time. Kate then gets hit on by creepy Max, who revealed that Lily never made it to LA. Of course, wasn’t really focused on his missing girlfriend for much longer. He was prepared to move on.

Valentine - Movie Review : Alternate Ending

Ruthie sneaks back into the mansion, and rummages through Campbell’s belonging and takes his Kohls watch before being interrupted. She sneaks through the lower level of the building into an overly amazing plaid den, which I want. She finds the killer dragging the newly killed maid with a nosebleed, yet again. The killer could’ve at least asked the maid to clean up his nose before she died! Rude! Ruthie runs into the spa and hides under a bench in the sauna. She stays there for a good couple of minutes, which is longer than most victims who assume that the killer leaves within seconds. She finds Campbells body, and then tries to sneak out, tiptoeing through the loud tiled floor to not cause any sort of noise whatsoever! She soon gets hurled by the killer through the shower, ends up with a bloody face. Some of her blood must’ve gotten on the killer’s mask because there was some blood dripping down it’s nose (lol). Her head eventually gets thrusted through one of the remaining shards, impaling her neck.

Valentine (2001)

Kate now finds Adam taking shots, committing very hard to his twelve step plan of sobriety, angering her. Then we cut to Paige having her quiet time in the hot tub in this greenhouse like room. It’s actually kind of cool. I’m all about the earth! The killer sneaks in and interrupts her. Of course, she saw nothing but a rose that was placed by her champagne bottle, causing her to become concerned.

Valentine is a Respectable Alternative to My Bloody Valentine [Here's Why]

She looks through the amazing greenery, where much to our surprise the killer was hiding until he throws Paige into the hot tub and locking her inside. She panics while trying to find a way out. The nose bleed happens again, which at this point the killer needs to see an ENT doctor to get this shit cauterized. He grabs a drill and starts trying to attack her until there was a successful impaling of her shoulder, which caused her to go under before having the drill thrown in to electrocute her and shut off all the power to end the party. What a party pooper! I will also say that this is also poetic that in the beginning of the movie, when younger Paige rejected Jeremy Melton, she said that “She would rather be boiled alive.”

Valentine (2001) – the agony booth

I love it!

The party disintegrates when the power cuts out, and Dorothy and Kate argue over who the killer is. Kate claims that Campbell could be a suspect because they do not know anything about him or where he is, while Dorothy counters by accusing Adam, Kate’s recovering alcoholic on-off boyfriend, who is now a journalist. Dorothy feels attacked for being the “fat girl” of the group and storms off for not getting any sort of decency…which I don’t see at all. I understand this in the real world. I just think that she is comfortable playing little miss victim. Just saying!

JCapedia on Twitter: "#TBT to @JessicaCapshaw in the movie "Valentine" (2001)  as Dorothy. Ps: I just watched this movie today again.… "

After being told by Lily’s boyfriend that she did not arrive in Los Angeles as planned, Kate realizes she is also probably dead and calls the detective assigned to the case. After dialing the number, she follows the sound of a ringtone outside the house and discovers the detective’s severed head in the pond surrounded by gorgeous lily pads. I would’ve just hung out there for the night if the party was still going on! Screw all them drinkers. Kate becomes startled and runs back to the now empty mansion.

Kate becomes convinced that Adam is actually Jeremy, disguised by reconstructive surgery, being the only one left in the house. To her surprise, he asks her to dance. Kate becomes frightened, knees him in the groin and flees. She runs through the house, being creepily chased by Adam as he quickly recovers from his smashed privates. He must have balls of steel! Drool!

Identity : Adam Carr, Valentine Movie Fanlisting Angel 02.22

She soon discovers the corpses of Paige and Ruthie. Well, the maid can’t clean this shit up, now can’t she?!  She locates a gun, which is perfect training for her before she becomes deputy sheriff of Woodsboro (Scream 4).

Valentine 2001 slasher GIF - Find on GIFER

 The Cupid masked killer jumps out from the darkness and sends them both tumbling down the winding staircase like a perfect pair of slinkies. The killer arises and is shot to death by Adam. As a shocked and confused Kate apologizes profusely, Adam pulls off the mask to reveal Dorothy. GASP!

Valentine (2001)

How could she?! Adam forgives Kate, explaining that childhood trauma can lead to lifelong anger and some people are eventually forced to act on that anger, referring to Dorothy. As Kate and Adam wait for the police to arrive, they hug while Adam says he has always loved her. Moments later, when Kate closes her eyes, his nose begins to bleed, revealing that he is in fact Jeremy Melton and the true killer, framing the dead Dorothy for his crimes.

Blu-Ray Review: “Valentine” Collector's Edition Hits The Mark | Rue Morgue

So, the lesson here is that plastic reconstructive surgery or even just an amazing groom job can turn the most unfortunate of appearances into straight up hotties…just ask Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. And even the worst of past experiences could make anybody do the craziest of things…just ask Sandra Bullock in The Proposal.

Sandra Bullock Surprises Warren Easton High School Graduates Video - ABC  News

Also, Adam needs a new nose! I’m sick of him getting blood on my carpet!

The End!

Let’s hand out some awards.

The Haunted Hunk award with no surprise will go to Adam. He will be my fifth ex husband…I already have that planned, and there is nothing you all can say that will stop me! His nosebleeds may be a turnoff, but after an ENT doctor and a humidifier…I’m sure we will be just fine!

The Killer Slay award-aka best kill- will go to Paige. I loved the suspense of her be locked inside a hot tub and eventually drilled and electrocuted. She played the promiscuous one, and she got drilled…and boiled alive.

The Basic Beheading award-aka worst kill- will go to the detective. I wish that they showed a little more of his story on how he was murdered. They show him calling Kate, telling her they caught the wrong suspect and that he was on his way…to no body. That is no what to get ahead in this movie!

Rating- 7.5 stars out of 10 *******

I don’t have the ability to use half-asterisks.

As much as the general public didn’t like this movie, I did for the most part. I love when there is some sort of tie in to a reference. The cupid kills Lily with arrows. Paige would rather be boiled alive than dance with Jeremy Melton, which she got her wish. It was pretty obvious who the killer was, which is fine in this case because:

  1. It’s David Boreanaz.
  2. There was a lot of cheesy slasher elements that made it forgivable.
  3. It’s David Boreanaz.
David Boreanaz shirtless sexy photo shoot hot rare buffy the vampire slayer  bones booth | Mike The Fanboy

If I could give any criticism in the movie, they could’ve tied up a few loose ends with certain kills like the maid or detective. The maid is forgivable, since she only has one line and is too busy cleaning up after entitled rich people. The detective could’ve had the sleazeball ending that we would all love to see!

If you have seen or heard of this movie…comment below about what you like or dislike!

And there you have it! Another beatdown complete! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we will be taking a break with all of the sweet Valentine candies and move onto something I would like more than that for the holiday. Stuffed animals. Since I don’t have any of those, we will just have to settle for the amazingly cult classic, “Child’s Play”! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!

Oh, and Happy Valentines Day!

Movie Beatdown-Would You Rather

It’s time for your newly favorite day of the week! It’s Movie beatdown time! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Would You Rather”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Would You Rather is a 2012 American psychological horror-thriller film, directed by David Guy Levy and starring Brittany Snow and Jeffrey Combs. It is based on the party game “would you rather,” and centers on a woman named Iris as she attends a dinner party, where she must partake in life-threatening games to help her sick younger brother secure a donor after he contracts leukaemia. The film premiered at Screamfest 2012.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown!

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Iris, a young woman played by Brittany Snow, from many of my favorite movies (“Pitch Perfect”, “John Tucker Must Die”, “Prom Night” remake. I loved growing up with her when she was on a little horse and pony of a tv show called “American Dreams”. If you can’t tell, I love Brittany Snow!), caring for her sick brother Raleigh, is unable to afford the costs of his treatment for leukaemia.

Would You Rather (2012) YIFY - Download Movie TORRENT - YTS

She struggles with finding work to help pay for the costs since her parents both died in an accident, leaving her to drop out of college. Raleigh’s oncologist Dr. Barden introduces Iris to Shepard Lambrick, a philanthropist who offers her a deal: if she wins a parlour game at a dinner party he is hosting, he will pay for Raleigh’s treatment and locate a bone marrow donor for him without any waiting lists or complications. She was initially reluctant to partaking in the game. Suddenly, Dr. Barden has a commercial testimonial moment where he praises how it worked for him in his time of need. Blah blah blah, “If it could happen to me, it could happen to you!” crap.

would you rather | An Englishwoman in Salem

That evening, she prepares dinner for her brother speaking in broken ass French. I mean, she pronounced monsignor as Mon Sewer! She received another phone call that she didn’t qualify for a job she applied for. The next day, she makes the decision to go to Shepard’s manor to partake in the game. She tells her brother that she is going out with high school friends, like any normal family member would do…keeping secrets. She gets picked up in their vehicle, not even a limousine! Cheap Uber bastards! While on the way there, she has flashbacks of conversations with Raleigh about him feeling sorry for all of the medical and financial burden being thrusted onto her abruptly. She, like a good sister doesn’t show any sort of sorrow and is willing to help at whatever cost.

Once she arrives at the manor, Iris is escorted into the main room and introduced to his son Julian and the other contestants: Lucas; Travis, a war veteran; Linda, a paralyzed elderly woman; Peter, a gambling addict; Amy; Conway, an alcoholic debtor (played by John Heard, who was best known for playing everybody’s favorite dad in Home Alone, Peter McCallister) ; and Cal.

We cut back to Dr. Barden, who is pensively drinking a cocktail who reminisces on the conversation with Shepard where Shepard thinks that Iris is a perfect candidate, but Barden is reluctant to allowing an innocent girl like Iris to partake in the upcoming events. Before being summoned for dinner, the group is asked to give all personal belongings, which is a red flag right there! The group all complies, and are then escorted to the game.

Would You Rather (2012) - Review - PopHorror

A steak and foie gras dinner is served for dinner. But Iris, a vegetarian, initially declines to eat it. Shepard then offers her $10,000 to compromise her principles; she reluctantly accepts his offer and eats the steak, not even with steak sauce. It was like a G-rated version of Fear Factor. When Shepard realizes Conway is a recovering alcoholic, which is expected since he raised a son that terrorized his home in order to keep the burglars away. he offers him $10,000 to drink a glass of wine. When Conway declines, Shepard offers him $50,000 to drink an entire decanter of Scotch, which Conway accepts.

Well, OBVIOUSLY, Participation is No Longer Voluntary.” | My Geek Blasphemy

After dinner ends, the game begins. Shepard reveals it to be a version of the party game “Would You Rather” in which players must choose between two options. He uses a simple example of asking one of the gentlemen if they would rather kiss Iris, or another male. Naturally, the guy said Iris. They weren’t forced to, but Linda assumed that they would have to kiss each other. Love her! Shepard continued to explain that the contestants had fifteen seconds to pick which one they would do, and if not on time they would be out. If they couldn’t complete the task, they would be out as well. Once the rules were fully explained, the group was given one last opportunity to leave without playing and in return would have no chance at a better life. Conway initially thought about leaving in his drunken stupor with his money, but then sat back down. I don’t know if it was based on desire to keep winning, or he was too drunk to stand. If it was me, I would drag my drunk ass out that door with 50,000 and make up the rest of my financial burdens with prostitution! But that’s just me. The group all decided to stay and play.

Would You Rather | SCREAMFEST

After Shepard’s butler, a former MI5 agent named Bevans, wheels in an electric shock machine, Conway attempts to leave but is shot dead, drunk and without the $50,000. Sad.

The Horror Club: Would You Rather? (2013)

The remaining contestants learn how serious and deadly the game is and recognize they can only win the game if they are the last surviving player. The first round is played by having two contestants connected to the shock machine, and one person decides whether they should shock themselves or the other person. Cal is first to give the shock to either himself or Amy. After fifteen seconds, he shocks himself. Amy gets a rise out of this, which irritated me. Amy is given the choice to shock herself or poor old Linda. Without hesitation she shocks Linda. I hate her. After Linda takes a while to come back to her senses, she is given the choice to either shock herself or Peter. Naturally, she chose Peter. The contestants take turns making the difficult decision, and the round ends with no one eliminated with Shepard getting a complete rise out of their suffering.

Review: 'Would You Rather' See This Movie, Or Make A Better Use Of Your Ten  Bucks? | IndieWire

It cuts to Dr. Barden grabbing a gun in his drawer and begins to drive away. It is revealed while Dr. Barden is driving that he had scars on his temples, indicating that he was a survivor of the game and endured the shock himself. The group is given a short break while they prepare their second round. They try to figure a way to escape. Julian walks in arrogantly as he messes with their heads. I normally don’t wish anything bad upon people. But since this is a movie character, I hope he gets Lou Gehrig’s! Travis steps in and tries to stand up for the group against Julian’s behavior. The butlers then wrap the area in plastic. Are they renovating? How exciting! Torture, AND décor! Dr. Barden finally arrives at the manor and sneaks in through a window.

The group reconvenes in the second round, where each contestant has 30 seconds to choose between stabbing someone in the thigh with an ice pick or whipping Travis (due to the bitchy pettiness of Julian telling his daddy like a five year old!) three times with a sjambok, which is an African whipping staff.

Would You Rather (2013) - Rotten Tomatoes

Travis takes the role of the hero, being a military veteran and having the ability to endure pain. Ultimately, Travis is severely injured after allowing Iris, Lucas, and even taking the whip on his own turn. Julian smugly observes like a little sissy…again, Lou Gehrig’s.

JokesterWrites — Julian Lambrick x Reader (Julian playing his won...

Peter, knowing he won’t survive another lashing, stabs Linda in the leg assuming she is paralyzed and wouldn’t feel it, but he hits a femoral artery and she dies. Amy is given the choice to stab any player or whip Travis. She expresses that she is here to win, and only one can survive. She chooses to shank Iris in the side, prison style.

Manley's Movie Review — Would You Rather

I’m not a huge fan of her character, but I do understand her ruthlessness and understanding of their hostage situation, doing whatever she needs to do to win and survive. Travis dies soon after Cal has been given the choice to whip him, taking in Amy’s approach to the game, needing to eliminate everybody to win. And now we are down to five.

Lucas causes a distraction and everyone except Amy attempts to escape the room (teacher’s pet). Cal advances on Shepard with the sjambok as Lucas attacks the guards and Iris escapes. Naturally, Julian hides away from the violence like a wimp. After Shepard shoots and kills Cal, the others surrender. Shepard sends Bevans and Julian after Iris; Naturally, in any escape situation, Iris runs up the stairs instead of finding an exit on the main level or the basement. With a few minutes of cat and mouse, Iris eventually ends up in a lower level and tries to escape out a window. Julian finds her and attempts to rape her like the little bastard he is, but she stabs him with the ice pick. It’s not Lou Gehrig’s…but I will settle. Dr. Barden, who has had second thoughts about sending Iris to Shepard, breaks into the manor to save her. Before they can escape, Bevans kills Dr. Barden and escorts Iris back to the game by force. I guess we are now down to four!

The third round begins with each player having 30 seconds to choose to be submerged underwater in a barrel for two minutes, or an unknown task written on a card that is placed in front of them. Peter chooses a card using his gambling knowledge, which requires him to light a firecracker in his hand; when it explodes, it causes a heart attack, and he dies. That was definitely not a firecracker! It was a freakin’ stick of dynamite!

I was surprised to see Ricky in a shitty horror movie on Netflix (Would You  Rather) : trailerparkboys

They even used everybody’s most useful tool, duct tape, to fasten it to his hand. I would rather stick with the duct tape to tuck back in my drag days, or even to shut Julian’s god forsaken loudmouth over taping dynamite to my hand!  Lucas’ card forces him to slit open his own eyeball, or what I’m going to call “giving him eyeslashes!”.

Would You Rather | Netflix

He does so and survives. Iris chooses the barrel and survives (her unpicked card is revealed to have all her teeth extracted, which is still hot). During her submerging, she has a flashback of her brother talking about drowning which is very fitting for the occasion.

Kalypso Skitz

Amy then chooses her card and learns that she must be submerged underwater for four minutes, and she drowns without getting a proper breath. The ruthless one who was so committed to the game has lost valiantly. And now we are in the final round with our final two! How exciting!

With only Iris and Lucas in the final round, Iris is given the choice to either shoot and kill Lucas to win the game, or spare him, which would result in both walking away empty-handed. After some anticipation with Lucas talking about how they could leave together Iris abruptly shoots Lucas in the chest, killing him. Shepard crowns her the champion as the crowd goes wild. It was quite obnoxious that everybody was cheering while Iris breaks down naturally for killing a man.

Manley's Movie Review — Would You Rather

Shepard gives her a bag full of money and explains that a donor has already been located for her brother and they will do the procedure within a week. I wonder if she gets to walk away with all the other guests’ belongings. I mean, might as well grab a wallet! There might be a credit card, or a subscription to the Jelly of the Month Club!

When Iris arrives home, she showers off the blood, probably a little shame for all she had to do.  discovers Raleigh had committed suicide by overdosing on pills while she was out. She weeps at her dead brother’s side at the loss of her only remaining family and realizing that there was no point in her playing the game. That really bites!

Well, OBVIOUSLY, Participation is No Longer Voluntary.” | My Geek Blasphemy

The end!

So, I do like this movie. There is something to say about a situation that you are placed where you are at your lowest point, and you will need to do whatever it takes to better your life without selling your body on the street. The character differentiation was fairly solid, where there was a little bit of representation in every archetype. I will say that they could do a little bit better with those characters. I don’t know if I would personally do what they had to in order to survive. I just might do an OnlyFans page or something, and then commit to the game if that doesn’t work out…which it probably would. I mean…I’m no hottie!

Let’s hand out some awards!

The Haunted Hunk award will go to Travis. Nothing is hotter than a man that is willing to take a beating for complete strangers! Plus, he is into whipping, which might be a turn on for some members of the LGBT community!

The Killer Slay-aka best kill- will go to Travis as well. He most definitely had the most gruesome death. Being whipped twelve times to death. That is insane!

The Basic Beheading-aka worst kill- will go to Julian. It’s a little uncertain that he died in the movie. However, he was shanked in the thigh by Iris after attempting to rape her, and he was an arrogant prick with nothing to back up his cockiness. So, he is dead to me! Not only that, but they could’ve also made him dead to me better!

If you are looking for a more valid basic death, we will just go with Cal. He gets shot in the line of defense to try and help Iris escape. There you go…a more valid answer. I hope you are all happy!

Overall Rating 7/10 *******

I will say that by default that any movie with Brittany Snow will NEVER get a bad rating! Sue me. She can play a final girl very well! I think she can portray innocence and grit, which is are two of my favorite qualities in a final girl. She should be in more horror movies! I do like where the story as a whole went. I was sad for Iris to lose her brother after working hard to save him. I didn’t give the rating low for that reason. I did more for the portrayal of certain characters. I also thought that this movie was like “Diet Saw,” meaning it was a lighter torture porn version of what you would get out of Saw, and I like that. Sometimes I just can’t handle a fully caffeinated beverage.

And there you have it! Another beatdown complete! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, I will be expressing my love and affection for all you readers and your commitment to my blog. I can’t give you all chocolates, but I can give you a beatdown of the very romantically horrific movie from 2001’s “Valentine”! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!

Movie Beatdown-Terror Train

Its time for your weekly/biweekly Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Terror Train”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Terror Train is a 1980 Canadian slasher film directed by Roger Spottiswoode in his directorial debut and starring Jamie Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, and Hart Bochner. Set aboard a moving train on New Year’s Eve, the film follows a group of pre-medical school students holding a costume party who are targeted by some killers who steal their costumes after murdering some students to avoid being caught. It features supporting performances from Sandee Currie, Anthony Sherwood, and David Copperfield. Their initial intention was to create “Halloween on a train.”

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown!

of a Vintage Movie Projector. Projection Rays by KinoMaster | VideoHive

At a college fraternity’s New Year’s Eve party, a reluctant Alana Maxwell, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, known for “Prom Night” and the cult favorite “Halloween,” movies is coerced into participating in a prank: she lures the shy and awkward and do I mention, slightly dweeby pledge Kenny Hampson into a darkened room on the promise of a sexual liaison.

Jack Salazar, the Jaded Skeptic is a...: The Horror Of...Terror Train

At a college fraternity’s New Year’s Eve party, a reluctant Alana Maxwell, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, known for “Prom Night” and the cult favorite “Halloween,” movies is coerced into participating in a prank: she lures the shy and awkward and do I mention, slightly dweeby pledge Kenny Hampson into a darkened room on the promise of a sexual liaison. She makes him strip down to his underwear. I do question if he got the panties from Victoria’s Secret. Seriously…I swear I sold a pair of those when I worked in retail in ladies’ intimates! Oh well…work it out, sis! However, some other students have placed a woman’s corpse (stolen from the university medical school during the Christmas vacation) in the bed instead without Alana’s awareness. Kenny is traumatized and begins twirling on top of the bed, dancing and getting tangled in the chiffon gossamer atop of the bed. It is definitely a fantasy that I would love to do if I weren’t disrespectful with fabric. It’s the seamstress in me that wouldn’t disrespect a textile like that…but to each is own. Kenny became so damaged by the prank that he was sent over to a psychiatric hospital.

TERROR TRAIN (page one)

Three years later, the members of the same fraternities and sororities hold a New Year’s Eve costume party aboard a train. Sounds like a bunch of fun! Why can’t trains be more of a thing? Stupid advancements in technology! Class clown Ed is disguised as Groucho Marx, who I have no freakin’ idea who the hell that is if I could be honest with you all; Prank ringleader Doc Manley is disguised as a monk; Jackson is disguised as an alien lizard; Doc’s girlfriend, Alana’s best friend Mitchy, is disguised as a witch; and Alana’s boyfriend Mo is disguised as a bird. Also along are Carne, the train conductor, and a magician hired to entertain the crowd. The magician is played by none other than magic legend David Copperfield. Who knew he was a horror goon?!

Movie Reviews by The Countess of the Crypt - The Horror Report

Ed is murdered with a sword through his gut prior to boarding and is left to die and eventually get ran over by the train as it starts to leave. Everybody thought that it was a prank since he spent majority of the boarding time making sexual jokes with his date, which happened to be a blow-up doll. I had a boyfriend just like that. I wonder what happened to him? It’s deflating to even think about whatever happened to him (get it?).

Howard Busgang: Movies, TV, and Bio

Seriously, his jokes are worse than mine. The killer dresses himself in Ed’s Groucho Marx mask, allowing him to board the train unnoticed. As the train journeys into the wilderness, the killer wanders amongst the students, who believe him to be Ed. Alana and Mitchy have their cheesy heart to heart with reminiscing in their last hoorah before becoming grownups, promising that they will keep in touch…yeah right! We cut to the party in the main compartment of the train where this young woman, whose name is not important. But her costume is an oversized pair of pants hiked up past her chest. WTF? Then we resume to one of my favorite parts of old school horror…music montages. There is a disco ball and a party, where in the corner is the magician and his glamourous assistant observe the patrons. There is a slight red-herring moment with the magician remaining mysterious even after the assistant encourages him to socialize with the crowd.

Movie Reviews by The Countess of the Crypt - The Horror Report

Then we go into the senior’s cart where the boys all praise each other for their prank they did on Kenny. Alana joins them and overhears the conversation, trying to knock some sense into them and cause some regret for sending somebody to the psychiatric ward. Mitchy shortly after stumbles around intoxicated, and runs into who she thinks is Ed.

Happy 35th Anniversary to 'Terror Train!' - Bloody Disgusting

The killer follows her towards the bathroom and tries to shove her in to kill her but was interrupted by Jackson. He silently lures Jackson into the sleeper bathroom and murders him by smashing his head into a mirror. Now, that is not what I had in mind when I want to be alone with another man in a bathroom! We go back to the senior’s cart and Alana is smoking a joint with Mo, where she finds out that the prank was his idea, spoiled by Doc. I sensed a lot of sexual tension between Doc and Mo…but that is for you to determine when and if you see it. But I will say that they SCREAM “Brokeback Mountain”! She sees the magician doing small tricks with the crowd of students, warming them up. Alana seemed to be the only one that was really into the tricks. Again, some flirtatious tension between the two. Back off Jamie Lee Curtis! He’s mine!

Tubi Tuesday: Terror Train (1980) - Morbidly Beautiful

The magic show starts with the magician doing impressive card tricks on stage, and then some levitation tricks with his glamourous assistant. She looks a bit like Vanna White in her early years…pretty, but not polished. Back in the senior’s cart, Mo is drinking alone feeling defeated by Alana’s disappointment in him for his prank. Doc stops by and encourages him that she will get over it. Mo doesn’t think so. Much to my gay hypothesis stated earlier, Doc responds with, “Well you always have me.” HOMO ALERT! *que the fire sirens*

Kinemalogue: Census Bloodbath: Murder on the Boreal Express

Cut back to the magic show, where the levitation trick finishes with a disappearing act. The crowd goes wild before an intermission happens! Alana asks Carne about Ed, not noticing that he has been around and starting to express concern, as what a scream queen would do. Mitchy notices Doc and Mo convincing other girls to join them in a private room by using a stupid medical pickup line. “I worked in the emergency gynecologic ward last summer. Doc won an award for best pap smear in the ward.” Who wrote this shit?!

They try to go hookup in the bathroom and was still occupied by the dead Jackson. Carne approaches them and helps with the door once the four leave and finds Jackson’s bloodied body in the bathroom, still donning the lizard costume. Now this is why you don’t go to the bathroom alone! You could die and leave a bloody mess!

Jackson (Terror Train) | The Dead Meat Wiki | Fandom

He leaves to go find assistance. When Carne returns to the scene with the brake master Charlie, the killer has hidden Jackson’s body and is now posing in the lizard costume; as he appears conscious with the bloody mess cleaned up to perfection, Charlie assures Carne that the partygoer was merely drunk.

Mitchy goes with the killer, whom she believes to be Jackson, to a compartment where she attempts to seduce him. As she closes her eyes, he caresses her with Jackson’s severed hand as it runs up her leg, before murdering her. “You know what they say…cold hands, warm heart.” Side note-I have noticed that there are a TON of unfaithful kids on this damn train! Stupid kids!

Terror Train | Worsemovies

Alana and the magician have another sexually tense moment where he impresses her with more tricks. Doc halts their moment and convinces her to find Mo who he claims is sorry for everything, trying to have her walk in on him having a hookup session with one of the other girls. Yes, the stupid girl with the pant costume. Surprisingly, it was easy to take off since it is fascinated with a belt. As Miranda Priestley once said, “Groundbreaking.”

Carne finds Mitchy’s corpse in the compartment with her throat slashed. Alana stumbles upon the scene, and Carne informs her that Mitchy is dead. Alana doesn’t believe him at first, but then is shown her corpse. So much for remaining friends after college! During a magic show held by the magician and his female assistant, Doc finds Mo stabbed to death as he sat collapsed on the outskirts of the crowd, though the partying onlookers assume the scene to be a prank. Doc carries Mo to the back of the train to try and revive him, like any gay lover would do for their best friend. Carne and Charlie stop the train abruptly, causing all the students to overact as they fell to the floor from the force…Another way to drop a beat! They sequester the students in one car; while doing so, two pullman porters find the corpse of Pet, another student.

Suspecting Kenny may be involved, Alana recalls the prank to Doc, and recounts her attempt to visit Kenny at the psychiatric hospital, where she learned that Kenny may have been involved in a murder before the prank. She pieces together all of the people that were murdered were all involved with the prank. Doc, like the moron he is, initially doesn’t believe her. She convinces him that they are in danger and run back into a compartment to hide themselves. Doc shows Alana the yearbook, where Kenny’s page was full of him doing magic tricks. Convinced that Kenny is the magician, she wants to warn the others. Doc warned her that if she does, she is kicked out of the room. Doc subsequently seals himself inside a room in the sleeper car where the killer was hiding the whole time and is murdered.

Horror Movie Hunk: Hart Bochner | Movie Matters

Shortly after, Alana and Carne find his decapitated body…he deserved it if you ask me. Believing the magician may be Kenny in disguise, Alana notifies Carne, who goes to lock him inside the parlor car; there he finds the magician’s female assistant, but Carne and the porters are unable to find the magician. He convinces her to come with them for safety measures.

Alana is sequestered in a locked compartment for her safety, which the masked killer infiltrates, killing the chief porter with one of the magician’s prop swords before arming himself with an axe. He breaks into the compartment and stabs the pile of blankets assuming that she was sleeping. It was the blow-up doll, concealed as a distraction. Now, who invited her back to the party?! She runs screaming her well known scream that has made her lots of money. Alana is pursued through the train. One of my favorite parts of a slasher…the chase scene! Not too much chasing since they are on a train.

Celebrate the New Year With 'Terror Train'! - Bloody Disgusting

She ends up in the captain’s corridor, locked in with nowhere to go. She gets thrown around the wall and even gets one of her earrings ripped cleanly off her, which is a shame since she was planning on wearing her grandmother’s gold hoop earrings the next day. Sad.

Movie Review: Terror Train (1980) | by Patrick J Mullen | As Vast as Space  and as Timeless as Infinity | Medium

She blinds him with a fire extinguisher and locks herself inside the caged office. She was safe for a moment while she thought of a plan. The killer takes a pipe-like crowbar and crushes all the lightbulbs and then starts prodding in the cage to scare her. As he breaks the lock, Alana finds the old wooden block with a nail to keep your receipts and stabs him in the cheek and runs away.

John Ary Boards TERROR TRAIN!!

While in-between cars, she manages to push the killer overboard, unaware that he has managed to hold on below. The crew finds her in shambles and distraught from being attacked…wimp. They let her rest in a stall. After being informed that they were close to their destination, she moseys on back to magicians’ cart, to reminisce on the back of the train. She then gets all nosey and looks around in his stuff. She finds the magician’s dead body contorted in his sword box. Alana runs through the train car and finds Charlie in the baggage car seated with his head resting in his hands. She tells him the magician is dead, and lays her head on the table, when he grabs her by her wrists.

Listicle of Death] Five of the Biggest Genderf$!k Reveals in Horror -  Bloody Disgusting

Alana realizes it is Kenny, who is indeed the killer, dressed in Charlie’s uniform. Kenny removes the uniform cap to reveal a blonde wig, and Alana realizes he has been posing in drag as the magician’s female assistant. She was very convincing, but this was before the days of contouring and shimmering highlighter. Comparatively, she looked pretty busted! Perhaps she would be ready to compete in NEXT year’s season of RuPaul’s Drag Race!

Kenny Hampson | Villains Wiki | Fandom

Alana apologizes to Kenny about the prank, but he refuses to accept her apology and forces her to kiss him; the kiss causes Kenny to relive his memories from the prank and drives him deeper into insanity, making him flash back to his moments of disrespecting chiffon fabric and twirling uncontrollably in fury. Carne rushes to the scene and beats down Kenny with a shovel, causing him to fall out the open door of the baggage car to his death. His body lands in a nearly frozen river and floats away as the train roars off. The movie ends with the train screeching its horn before resuming to credits and an uncorrelated song.

Terror Train - Unintentionally funny ending scene - YouTube

I absolutely love this movie! It is one of my all-time favorites. I don’t have too many negatives to say about this movie. This is a unique slasher with some predictability, but not too much to keep you in some sort of suspense.

Let’s hand out some awards!

The Haunted Hunk award goes to the magician himself, David Copperfield. He was quite the looker back then, and I don’t mind a little tricks for kicks! Since Doc and Mo are too busy having their own tension…I will be his assistant!

The Killer Slay award-aka best kill- goes to Doc. In the words of the cell block tango in Chicago…He had it coming! I couldn’t wait for his pretentious ass to die. And the fact that he went all crazy before he was killed was an added bonus.

The Basic Beheading award-aka worse kill- will go to Mo. They just showed him collapsed on the floor as if he was drunk and passed out. When they finally aided to his help, they opened up his man blouse and saw that he was cut up. I wanted to see more than what they showed.

Rating- 9.8 out of 10 *********

I think this movie is so underappreciated. It is something that everybody should buy, rent, stream, whatever! I think the only thing I wish would change is just the ending. Kenny got knocked off the train and died from impact and then it just cut to the train horn and then credits. Other than that, I wish there was more chiffon disrespect and more twirling.

And there you have it! Another beatdown complete! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we will be celebrating graduation with a bunch of dumbass kids that plays an innocent game that goes wrong with 2017’s “Dead Body”! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Also, my debut novel “Cardinal Rules” is now available for preorder. Links for all available platforms are located in the Books section of the website.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!

Chosen Family

Hello everybody!
It is Christmas time! That means gift shopping, hectic meal prepping and cleaning, cheesy holiday movies on television, and most importantly,…family time.
On the topic of family, some people, regardless of who they identify as, don’t have close contact with their blood relatives. That could either be by choice of the individual or the family member. They could’ve had a disagreement about an opinion or just who that person is in general. In other cases, it could be the unfortunate circumstance that the family member is no longer alive, and they have passed on. Regardless of the status, I’m going to touch lightly today on the importance of family values.
Now, I was blessed to have most of my family embrace me for who I am at the minimum level of respect. I will admit that some of my family don’t see eye to eye with me due to other personal issues that I will not disclose on this blog (that is for me and them to settle on our terms). I find it difficult for these people to see where I’m coming from as a person, aside from being LGBTQIA+. It’s a tough pill to swallow that the disagreements that we do have are not empathized from my perspective because these family members are straight. I don’t fault them…it’s just the reality of the situation.
RuPaul once said in an episode of Drag Race:
“We as gay people, we get to choose our families.”
That quote has a massive amount of accuracy.
Ever since I’ve been an adult, I have encountered friends and colleagues that embrace my unique self and look past any flaws. They also take the time to understand where I’m coming from as an LGBTQIA+ person. I have been very fortunate to surround myself with all of the love and positivity that, at times, my blood relatives are unable to fulfill. For those who know me personally, I am a very loyal friend. I have the backs until the very end with those who have mine. We hang out; we laugh, sometimes cry…you get the picture. I wouldn’t be here today without the support of those special people in my life. And if you are one of those people reading this passage, I want to say that I can’t thank you enough!
Suppose you are somebody who has been disowned by your family. I know there are individuals out there that are unfortunate. My heart breaks for you. I genuinely hope that you have at least that one friend or colleague out there that unconditionally loves and cares for you. And I hope that there will be one day where your family notices the authentically fantastic person you have become and feels sorry for the successes you have accomplished without their support. You are loved! If you know somebody who is dealing with these struggles, reach out to them. Tell them that they are cared for and that their existence is valued. You never know that the person you work with may be struggling with their personal life, especially in these dark times.
Happy holidays from my writing corner! Be safe! Be merry! And most importantly,…be loving!
I want to underscore what I said before…I’m not saying my blood family is horrible. I’m just saying that I’m lucky to have the chosen family that I have to help assist when the blood family cannot be there for me in my times of need.
Also, I want to apologize for my short post this week. I have been putting the finishing touches on the manuscript for my debut novel. I am 99% done! Details will be released in the coming weeks with title, plot summary, release date, cover, etc.
Very exciting things are coming up!

Why horror?

In case if you were wondering why I chose horror as my genre to write about, here it is:

Horror is a complex dichotomy of entertainment. It plays with the mind and is relatable to the most common emotion in humankind: Fear. Fear is a very intriguing emotion. It could prevent you from doing something or could motivate or propel you to accomplish a goal. Horror taps into many different subgenres that appeal to most people in one way or another. There is gothic horror, in which ghosts and their backstories could scare you, or the protagonist can have qualities that viewers can empathize with. It could involve a scary location, like a haunted house or an abandoned warehouse. There is a suspense thriller, where the reader is kept on the edge of their seat. They have all of their senses heightened as the book describes the protagonist’s journey in detail as if they were the in the main character’s point of view or right next to them for the bumpy ride. You analyze all of the presented clues throughout the chapters and place the pieces together with them as they try to uncover the culprit. These are just a few subgenres of this magnificent genre that has many more to list!

For me, I’m attracted to one subgenre more than any other. One that I can personally relate to on numerous levels.

Slasher!

The slasher genre contains many characteristics that appeal very profoundly to me. I am going to list some of these in detail and why they are so great to me. There are more than what I’m going to list, and this is strictly my opinion. I’m using my examples from film, which can easily be translated into writing. After all…movies start out as scripts. Scripts were written!

1.Damaged protagonist/final girl: The main character in horror movies that, in most cases, make it to the end as the sole survivor has one thing in common. They had a damaging past. You look at Sidney Prescott in ‘Scream,’ who lost her mother to murder by the serial killer. In ‘Friday the 13th: Part VII,’ Tina Shepard has telekinetic powers that accidentally killed her abusive father, causing her to grow up with deep remorse before Jason Voorhees goes on a murderous rampage. In ‘Child’s Play,’ Karen Barcley is a single mother struggling to provide for her child before being tormented by a killing doll. These people and many others have had to struggle in one way or another, which ends up with a disconnect from them and that rest of the cast where most of them get killed off. Their priorities are not solely based on the rest of the cast’s alternative goals, such as partying, drug usage, or an occasional hookup. Their backstories are mostly relatable to the audience, where they can empathize with them. When they finally get stalked by the killer in the major chase scene, where they put aside their trauma and act in a ‘fight or flight’ situation. They make smarter choices to either live or die, doing whatever it takes with every ounce of courage to take down the murderer and survive. In the LGBTQA+ community, there is a lot of adversity we face. Some have been abused, bullied, and ostracized at the least. When faced with difficulties, we dig deep within ourselves to accomplish a goal or to overcome troubles.

2.Character archetypes: Most slasher movies have a group of people that has different types of characters. These people are either promiscuous, funny, a particular minority, athletic, rebellious, or even a straight-up jerk. These people make foolish choices that eventually get them killed(i.e., hooking up, running up the stairs instead of a back door, going off alone, etc.). I find it very funny when the same people get in the same predicament that eventually gets them killed. I understand that this is a cliché, but hey…I am entertained! I will also add that I want books and movies to feature minorities that make it further than the first or second kill. I would be even more enthused if they were the final girl!

3.Masked killers with justifiable and unjustifiable motives: Billy Loomis, as Ghostface in ‘Scream,’ started killing because Sidney Prescott’s mother had an affair with his father, causing his family to break apart. Adam Carr, as Cupid in ‘Valentine,’ got revenge on the girls that rejected his nerdy self in middle school, causing him to be tortured at the school dance. Now, I’m not saying that situations like these are perfect grounds for killing people. However, since this is film entertainment…I get it. However, I saw a movie once where the killer invited all of his friends before graduating high school. They get killed one by one until it is revealed that he was the killer for the sole reason that he was number four on the waitlist to Harvard, and all of his friends were coincidentally numbers one thru three on the waitlist. He only killed to get into Harvard. Now that is a stupid reason to kill people if you ask me! In most cases in film, the killer is identified pretty quickly just by their demeanor or their lack of appearance throughout the film. As annoyed as my friends are when we watch these movies together, I am entertained by them being shocked by the reveal when they didn’t believe me initially.

“I told you so!”

4.The “adults are useless” cliché: Most movies involving a protagonist that who a teenager or young adult usually involves parents who don’t believe them. They even involve police officers that either show up late to the scene or prematurely misjudge a character. The parents in ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ didn’t believe in Nancy when she kept saying that a man with a burnt face and knives for fingers was stalking her and her friends in her dreams. They didn’t believe it was Freddy Krueger, even though they killed him themselves. I find it entertaining when both the police and parents play stupid to the shenanigans…like the main character would do this to themselves!

*shows a slash mark on his arm*

5.Sassy Satire: I know that I use ‘Scream’ as an example in many of my explanations…it is one of my favorite movies! Sorry, not sorry! But the sassy and meta-humor behind certain characters make me laugh, even in the midst of tragedy. ‘Scream 3’ included the real Gail Weathers and the movie version of her, just at each other’s throats at times. When Freddy Kruger kills off certain characters, he has witty one-liners before slashing them. It lightens the mood in times of terror. It would soften the blow for the squeamish viewers to add a little humor to the horror.

There you have it…only some of the reasons that I love the slasher genre! There are many more reasons why I love and respect it so much. I just wanted to give you all a taste of my…taste in horror. I could go all day with discussing more qualities that I enjoy. But I know you all have a life to live.

What do you like about the horror genre?

“What’s your favorite scary movie?”

Comment below!

Why did I choose to become a writer?

This question has resonated in my mind since I started writing my novel in July. What began as a “bucket list” task has turned into a transformation of my long-term goal. Ever since I was into horror movies, it was unbelievably rare to find a character that I could identify with. Slasher movies and books rarely include people from the LGBTQ+ community. If it did, they were showcased minimally or as a stereotype. Due to that, I could only identify with the final girl. What started as one idea for a novel has transformed into an idea for a series. My books will include issues within the community and everyday society that I, as an openly gay man, have experienced/witnessed that needs to be brought into the light. Some of these issues may make my readers feel uncomfortable, but in order for conversations to happen and change to occur, some eggs need to be cracked. Disruption is the key to change. My goal is to take the entertainment of cheesy 1980s and 1990s horror movies and mix it with LGBTQ+ issues to make it relatable for everyone. I may not make the money I hope for with my work or develop the success I’ve dreamed of, but what is important is to leave behind a legacy—a legacy of experiences that I want to share with the world that currently is hurting. My dream is to give hope to the kids that may not feel loved or welcome or appreciated and help them identify with the characters I create on the page as I write. Since I started my writing transition, I have received a vast amount of love and support from the writing and LGBTQA+ community. It is humbling and surreal to have this journey become so fulfilling!

On a lighter note, I also believe that gay people deserve to be killed off by a masked serial killer too! I’m an equal opportunity murder writer! 😂😂