Movie Beatdown-House of Wax

Welcome to another episode of my newly not so acclaimed, Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “House of Wax”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

House of Wax is a 2005 slasher film directed by Jaume Collet-Serra and written by Charles Belden, Chad Hayes and Carey Hayes, based on a story by Belden. The film stars Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt in a dual role, Paris Hilton, Jared Padalecki, Jon Abrahams and Robert Ri’chard. It is a loose remake of the 1953 film of the same name, itself a remake of the 1933 film Mystery of the Wax Museum.

House of Wax premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival and was released in United States theaters on May 6, 2005, by Warner Bros. Pictures. The film grossed over $70 million worldwide and received generally negative reviews from critics, who criticized its lack of originality, screenplay and characters, but praised the performances and atmosphere.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown.

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We start the movie with a boiling pot on a stove in 1974 filled with hot wax being stirred by a chain smoking mamma. She pours the wax into a facial mold while bonding with one of the kids in a high chair. In comes the father bringing a screaming and misbehaved child where they tape him into his high chair while he continues to be delinquent.

In Defense of Jaume Collet-Serra – Reluctant Habits

The boy scratches the mom’s hand and she slaps him. That’s why you don’t’ give your child high fructose corn syrup and yellow dye number two!

Opening title appears.

House of Wax (2005) Theatrical Trailer HD - YouTube

Carly(Elisha Cuthbert) and Paige(Paris Hilton) are eating French fries at a restaurant on a break from a trip to Louisiana for a football game. This scene is already not believable since I don’t believe that Paris Hilton…especially in 2006, eats French fries. Wade(Jared Padelecki, from your favorite Supernatural series), Nick(Chad Michael Murray. YUM!), Blake(Robert Ri’chard), and Dalton(Jon Abrahams, from Scary Movie…I will always remember him in that masterpiece!) are also on this trip as well. Wade has apprehencions towards Carly about dragging her rebellious twin brother, Nick along for the trip. Nobody asked you SAM! In my opinion, I’m not the most fond of Jared Padelecki. He is overrated! And how dare you have problems with Chad Michael Murray! Dalton is annoying everybody with recording the whole trip on his video camera. He even goes to lengths with filming Paige and Blake having a kissing session in the car. Sorry Dalton, there is already a film with Paige’s kissing abilities. Its called “A Night in Paris”! As they are driving, they catch Paige in the other vehicle reaching for her lip balm in the drivers seat, looking more like she was giving road head.

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The night before the game, they camp in a field, doing normal young adult activities with drinking and playing loud music and tossing the old pigskin football. The girls dress Dalton up in the girl’s clothes. The guys stated that he looks like Elton John, only gayer…how is that even possible?! A gust of wind causes the camp to reek of a smell worse than death. They could’ve at least set up camp somewhere that isn’t by a sewage plant! At least nobody is nearby where they are annoying the neighborhood. Or is there?

Paris Hilton Plastic Surgery Gallery - Today's Evil Beet Gossip – Today's  Celebrity Gossip from Evil Beet Gossip
Pin on House of Wax

A stranger in a pickup truck arrives and taunts the children by not turning their headlights off, irritating Nick as he smashes one of his headlights with his beer bottle. What a good waste of alcohol. As the night of drinking and stupidity closes, the video camera gets stolen, and shows whomever creeping on the campers. Is it a raccoon? I thought it was, since they left all of their food just sitting out there! That’s how you get raccoons, people! Carly hears a noise, startling her, making her curious to check it out like any other rational and stupid horror movie character would do. She scopes around the neighborhood and finds nothing out of the ordinary.

The next morning, aka 2:30 according to Blake. The girls go out in the woods to pee. Again, I don’t believe that Paris Hilton pees either. She has to be a robot!

Fear Catalogue on Twitter: "Fashion in horror: Paige Marie Edwards — House  of Wax, 2005… "

Another gust of wind brings the nasty smell, making Carly curious. Wade discovers that his car’s fan belt is broken. Carly eventually falls into a pit of rotting animal carcasses. She also finds a hand in the batch of animal goodies. Paige almost vomits, which I do believe she has that function. After rescuing her, the group meet Lester, who pulls the hand out of the carcasses to prove that the body part is plastic. “Anyone need a hand?” what a comedic genious!

House of Wax | Netflix: Everything That's Been Added to Streaming in 2016 |  POPSUGAR Entertainment Photo 14

Nick becomes a supportive brother and gives Carly his white beater, exposing my teenage crush’s hot body. Drool! Lester drives Carly and Wade to the nearby town of Ambrose for a new fan belt while the rest head to the football game. Naturally, he creeps out Carly and Wade with his rotting animal parts in the truck and him checking out Carly and also showing off his very dangerous and sharp hunting knife.

House Of Wax Review | Movie - Empire

The others are stuck in traffic on their way to the game and end up turning the truck around since they aren’t used to waiting.

The Paradise of Horror: September 2010

Carly and Wade arrive in Ambrose, which is virtually a ghost town. There are signs of a beauty pagent that they laugh at and find a pet store with puppies sleeping, and their tails wagging as if they are excited…completely defeating the purpose of sleeping. They only saw one person looking out the window creeping at them. At the local church, they find a funeral in progress and meet Bo. It’s rude to interrupt a funeral! Once Bo leaves the church, offers to sell them a fan belt after the funeral. Wade then accuses Carly of having every man into her.

House of Wax discovered by coubtristan on We Heart It

Side note, this is one of the many reasons I don’t like Jared Padelecki. He always plays these douchy crybaby characters. I personally am not a fan of his!

While waiting, they visit “Trudy’s House of Wax”, a wax museum which is itself made of wax and the central feature of the town.

House of Wax' Remake still Stands as a Price-less '00s Teen Slasher |  HorrorGeekLife

Cuts to some hands molding out another wax figure being interrupted by Wade’s complaining. Wade and Carly admire all of the intricacy of the wax figurines and check out the grim aesthetic. Wade finds a dog, assuming that it’s wax, but isn’t. What a wuss! Carly finds weird figurines and notices the name Vincent carved on most of them. Wade finds two highchairs, one of which has the name Vincent on it while Carly gets startled by a person looking at them from outside with what looks like a face made of wax. Wade checks it out while Carly says inside like smart people not sticking together. She gets spooked by one of the wax figures with half of its face melted causing her to knock it over, breaking it and being disrespectful towards other people’s property.

Cut back to the rest of the group, Nick and Dalton go pee together like straight me usually do as close as they were. Blake asks them to go check on Wade and Carly while he and Paige go fornicate.

Wade and Carly follow Bo to his house to get the fan belt. Wade goes to use his bathroom while Carly waits in Bo’s truck.

Nick and Dalton are driving to Ambrose, noticing that the town is nowhere on the GPS system, causing concern.

While inside, he does anything but urinate. Actually he does, but he gets nosy and going through all of Bo’s possessions. He finds many face molds and a surgical table complete with a set of tools. Carly becomes impatient and moseys outside the vehicle and notices that the truck is missing one of its headlights, making her honk the horn to gather Wade’s attention to get him out of the house. The lights suddenly go out. Scary! The door is locked and he is trapped inside and eventually attacked and knocked unconscious by Bo’s twin brother Vincent, who wears a wax mask to cover his facial disfigurement from when the twins were once conjoined. Carly tries to call Paige, but she is too busy making another porno in the woods. Bo comes out and Carly locks herself in the truck and she confronts him for being at the campsite last night. He attacks her and tries to get away, but has horrible driving skills and gets all but thirty feet. Bo catches up to the truck, making her run into the town to hide.

Meanwhile, Vincent gives Wade a drug that permanently paralyzes him. He tends to his wounds and gives his entire face a wax. At lease if it doesn’t work out in this move, he could wax eyebrows and do bikini waxes! Such talent! He then sets up Wade in a contraption to keep him still and covers his body in molten wax. As much as I don’t like the character or the actor…that absolutely sucks!

House Of Wax: Jared Padalecki's Disturbing Death Explained

Carly runs to the church for help and finds the congregation all wax dummies. Da fuq?! She then realizes that the entire town is staged to be believable. She accidentally breaks one of the figures arms, revealing bone and blood, revealing that these are actual people converted into wax sculptures. Bo arrives and she hides under the pastor’s robe. Out of all the places, she had to hide next to the crotch of the innocent one! How disrespectful! Bo soon abducts Carly, restraining her in the gas station cellar and gluing her lips shut. I guess that is one way to get somebody to shut up! Most people ask kindly. Others use duct tape. At least it isn’t Gorilla Glue! During the restraining, she finds the scars on Bo’s wrists that revealed that he was the naughty child during the first scene. And we all thought that Vincent was the one. Never assume, people!

House of Wax (2005) |

Nick and Dalton split up once they get to Ambrose to look for Wade and Carly. Dalton walks toward the House of Wax. Nick finds Bo at the repair shop, where Carly breaks one of the arms of the chair to gather Nick’s attention.

House of Wax B-Movie Review

When Carly tries to alert Nick, Bo cuts off her finger tip which must be hella painful! This poor girl couldn’t even scream! She then does the smart thing and tears her lips apart and screams for help. Bo attacks Nick, but isn’t a match for my seventh ex husband Chad Michael Murray who uses his badass moves to save his sister. My hero!

Back at the House of Wax, Dalton admires the amazing craftmanship of the museum and eventually finds Wade at the piano, who is unable to move in his wax coating.

Films From Bobby's Childhood – House of Wax (2005) In Review | Everything's  Better With Bob?

Dalton tries to free Wade by peeling off the wax from his face, inadvertently removing his skin in the process. Its one of theose scenes in movies where Dalton tries to fix it but only makes it worse. He is then ambushed and chased into the basement and eventually decapitated by Vincent. During the ambush, Vincent tried to sneak attack Dalton, but slices Wade’s cheek off. Poor guy!

House Of Wax Wade - burnsocial
House of Wax - Dalton's death on Make a GIF

Carly and Nick continue to realize the wax figures are actually the wax-coated corpses of visitors lured into town, including the woman who looked out the window. Bo had been manipulating Vincent into murdering people to make more realistic wax figures.

Cut back to the porno where Paige and Blake are being helpful for the cause and not doing anything for the broken truck or searching for their friends. Their music get cut and Blake goes to check it out. Vincent kills Blake at the campsite. Apparently Paris Hilton doesn’t have any sense of hearing since she didn’t hear him get killed ten feet away.

dy-House-of-Wax-Robert-Richard - Black Horror Movies

Paige gets spooked by Vincent and chases Paige to an abandoned sugar mill where many abandoned cars are dumped from all of the victims in addition to boxes of old cell phones (Nokia..haha) and possessions.

House Of Wax: How Paris Hilton Shaped The Movie's Viral Marketing

I will give credit to Paris Hilton and her acting skills in this part. She was believable with running scared and doing what she could to survive. She sliced her heel during the chase and hides in one of the cars with a broken pipe. Vincent finds her and hides behind another car, where he throws a metal pipe through her forehead. As she slowly dies, her head drifts down the pipe little by little as if she is praying. Probably praying for forgiveness for being on The Simple Life.

House Of Wax 2005 Movie Brian Van Holt Paris Hilton Screen Used Prop Pike |  Movies, Scary movies, Paris hilton

Carly and Nick search the town to find something to defend themselves with. Bo finds them and chases the siblings into the movie theater where a showing of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. I did not know about that until I rewatched this movie for the sake of this beatdown. I guess the makers were trying to get brownie points with the gays? Bo goes into the screening, while the siblings sit like the figurines being believable with their sweaty faces, blending in with the crowd.

House of Wax (2005)

Bo finds her and shoots poorly at the figurines and killing their actual wax coated bodies. Nick shoots Bo with the crossbow in the chest and arm. They go to Bo’s truck to get Carly’s phone and it wasn’t there. They go inside the house to look for the phone and Wade. As they search the premises, they find the pictures of the conjoined twins. Bo stumbles inside to tend to his more-than-a-little flesh wounds as he jigsaws himself by pulling out the arrows from his arm and chest. Vincent arrives in a towtruck carrying Paige and Blake, where Carly could see it. The siblings find an underground passage that takes them back to the House of Wax, finding a mass assortment of breaker boxes. Since their dumb asses couldn’t see in the tunnel, they try to see if one of them would turn on a light to help them see. It only turned all of the lights on and off in the entire town, blowing their cover. They make it to the wax workroom and find Dalton dead and covered in wax in the contraption.

Buy House of Wax (2005) - Microsoft Store

Vincent finds them and starts a little fight scene. Nick unintentionally starts a massive fire. Once they get to the main level, they find Wade and Bo. They start fighting and breaking a bunch of shit, including the innocent wax people. The fire gets out of control, causing the figures, as well as the entire museum, to start melting.

House of Wax (2005) - Psycho Drive-In

This scene was actually cool as the faces were all melting and there was nowhere to run, since the floor was melting. Making it difficult to walk like Nancy going up the stairs in Nightmare on Elm Street. Bo stabs Nick in the leg before Carly beats the shit out of Bo to death with a baseball bat. Upon seeing him dead, Vincent chases Carly to the top floor where she tries to reason with him about his brother’s treachery.

Movie Villain Deaths — Bo Sinclair - House of Wax (2005)
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As Nick makes his way up the waxy stairs like Nancy did in Nightmare on Elm Street, Bo disappears into the melting floor.

Carly barricades the door with the wax furniture, but with heat, comes soft wax making it easy to cut through with a knife and break in.

House of Wax (2005) - Rotten Tomatoes

Nick comes to the rescue and removes the wax mask, revealing his half face poorly done with CGI. She removes the knife embedded in Nick’s leg and stabs Vincent to death. The floor collapses and Vincent lands on top of Bo like they were born face to back of head. I don’t understand this part…but if Bo died and fell into the burning basement, he would’ve been charred. The only thing that appeared to be untouched by the blazing fire was his dead body. Oh well!

House Of Wax Deaths | Creative Thoughts Wiki | Fandom

Carly and Nick felt trapped with the continuously melting and collapsing structure before using their high school brains to tear apart the wax walls to dig themselves out and escape as the building melts to the ground. I guess that Vincent won’t get his shot at Brazilian waxes afterall…how sad.

House of Wax movie review & film summary (2005) | Roger Ebert

The next morning, the police arrive to gather evidence. Nick sees Dalton’s camera being taken away in a evidence bag while he was in the ambulance. The officer told him that he couldn’t have it since it was evidence. The sheriff comes to report that Ambrose has been abandoned for ten years since the sugar mill shut down. As Nick and Carly are taken to hospital, Nick shows Carly the camera because somehow he was able to sneak out of the ambulance and into the police vehicle to steal evidence…whatever. The police learn the Sinclairs had a third son. From inside the ambulance, Carly spots Lester with the Sinclairs’ family dog, waving them goodbye as they are driven out of town.

for the collection — Just Being Nice

We cut to My Chemical Romance closing out the credits with their badass music!

The end!

Let’s hand out some awards.

The Haunted Hunk with no surprise will go to Chad Michael Murray. He was my high school crush, and will forever be in my Cinderella Story! And when he took off his shirt in this movie…

9 House of wax ideas | scary movies, favorite movies, horror movies
Drooling Face Meme (Page 1) - Line.17QQ.com

The Killer Slay-aka best kill will surprisingly go to Wade. It will be the only award I will give to him ONLY due to the fact that his death was very drawn out. He was paralyzed while getting a full face and body wax before losing a cheek and eventually getting killed at some point. I’m not sure when, but he went down with the melting house…so yeah.

The Basic Beheading-aka worse kill will go to Dalton. It didn’t even show the beheading! If you are going to kill the other characters and show it…you better commit!

Overall Rating- 6.8 stars out of 10. ******

I do enjoy this movie from time to time. I have a problem with Jared Peledecki’s acting. That alone loses points, no matter how much I wanted his character to die. I also have a problem with Paris Hilton’s acting in parts of this movie. She is smart and very talented. When she has to dumb herself down to recreate her persona on the Simple Life, there is a problem. I did like her in the later part of the movie. She was very convincing in her chase scene. Apart from the acting choices, I thought that the movie was mostly done well.

If you have seen or heard of this movie…comment below about what you like or dislike!

And there you have it! Another beatdown in the archives! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we are going to hang out with our St. Patricks mascot on “Leprechaun”.

If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Also, if you love horror just as much as I do, preorder your copy of my debut novel Cardinal Rules. In the Books section, you can select one of the links on where you would like to purchase! It will be coming out in eight days!

Cardinal Rules by Brady Phoenix

Until next time…keep slaying!

Movie Beatdown-The Slumber Party Massacre

Welcome to another episode of my newly not so acclaimed, Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “The Slumber Party Massacre”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

The Slumber Party Massacre (also known as The Slumber Party Murders in the United Kingdom) is a 1982 American slasher film directed by Amy Holden Jones, and written by Rita Mae Brown. It is the first installment in the Slumber Party Massacre trilogy, and stars Michelle Michaels, Robin Stille, and Michael Villella. The film follows a high school senior who gathers her friends for a slumber party, unaware that an escaped power drill-wielding killer is loose in the neighborhood.

The film was originally written by Brown as a parody of the slasher genre but was shot as a straightforward horror film instead. As a result, it contains more humor, both intended and unintended, than usual for the genre at the time.

The Slumber Party Massacre grossed $3.6 million at the box office on a budget of $220,000, and received mixed reviews from critics. Despite the reception, it has obtained a large cult following since its release. Two sequels, Slumber Party Massacre II and Slumber Party Massacre III, followed in 1987 and 1990, respectively.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown.

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The opening credits start with lovely organ music that cuts with abrupt key changes. Like if somebody punched the keys at random to make it scary. This is something that continuously happens in the movie when a scary scene occurs. In Venice, Los Angeles, Trish Deveraux, an 18-year-old high school senior awakens to get dressed, showing the movie’s first boob shot within the first five minutes. She then packs all of her childhood toys in a bag to throw them out. I’m assuming that it’s because she didn’t want any of her friends to see them at her slumber party while her parents are away…which is stupid! Just hide them in the damn closet like normal people! Think of how the toys feel!

Their neighbor, Mr. David Contant, is given the job of checking on the girls. She walks away from the trash can and the scene cuts away to a hand taking a Barbie doll, which I would do the same thing too. It was a cute Barbie, and that idiot threw it away! One man’s trash…

MUFFApproved: The Slumber Party Massacre | The MUFF Society

Meanwhile, Russ Thorn, an escaped mass murderer, kills a telephone repair woman and steals her van after Jeff and Neil hit on her creepily. She gets wrestled in the van before getting drilled…by the murder weapon.

Zisi Emporium for B Movies: The Slumber Party Massacre, Scream Queens  Drilled

We then cut to the girl’s basketball team practicing, poorly. Trish meets up with her friends Kim, Jackie, and Diane after an awkward shower scene where there is more unnecessary nudity, unless if you are into that stuff.

The Slumber Party Massacre - Tviso

She invites the new girl, Valerie, to the party but she declines the offer. Probably because she was the only one at basketball practice that was actually doing decent. She can do better than going to a slumber party with a bunch of amateurs!

Film on the Internet: THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE | The-Solute

Some of the girls were reluctant to inviting her, to the point where they assumed because “she drank too much milk,” OHMYGAWD! Lactose hater! After school, one of their classmates, Linda, goes back into the school to retrieve a book but gets locked inside, since most schools chain and padlock their doors after hours.

Driller Killer: Revisiting the 'Slumber Party Massacre' Trilogy! - Bloody  Disgusting

She is attacked, chased around the school for way too long of period of time while the crazy organ plays. She gets drilled in the arm and eventually finds a decent hiding spot…behind a door. Seriously, why would you hide behind a door that is able to be opened? You deserve to be killed second! Her cover is blown shortly after with the blood that dripped underneath and then Russ drills through the door and ends with her screaming bloody murder, not knowing what in the hell actually happened to her. Russ then runs out the building, that is now suddenly unlocked towards the repair van.

Diane then walks home alone carrying her textbooks…like she knows how to read? The camera is following her shakily with the illusion that somebody is following her, or has nicotine withdrawals. A hand grabs her, and she kung fu flips him to the ground. It was good ole’ jock John. They exchange a few words that nobody gives a hoot about and then we cut to the gym teacher. She drives home and the radio talks about Russ’s escape before she changes it to something more interesting. She makes it to her door, and a drill breaks through startling her. Gotcha! Just a neighbor creating a new peephole for her door.

Trish then plays her piano very well…I’m surprised that she didn’t throw that shit out too! People judge piano players just the same as Barbie’s! Then we go back to the gym teacher drinking wine out of a regular glass as she grates cheese before knocking it to the floor, making a mess. Maybe if you had the appropriate glass that wasn’t at the edge of the counter, this wouldn’t be an issue! Better grab your Brawny! Super absorbent! If you couldn’t tell, there is a lot of back-and-forth action with different characters. There really isn’t one main person they follow. The two boys walk their bikes down the street and pass the van, then cutting to Jackie and Kim walking up the porch to Trish’s house and we see Russ creepily in the bushes.

Crosstown Arthouse Presents Women in Horror: THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE

 As the party begins that night, the girls smoke marijuana and drink alcohol. Valerie babysits her younger sister, Courtney across the street. She makes what appears to be a crappy batch of Kool-Aid. She measures the sugar pretty scarcely. I need her to commit! Either that or add booze to it! The three girls are continuing to smoke their maui wowie and get startled by bitchy little Diane. Cut back to Valerie and Courtney doing their sisterly bonding with bickering. I will also need to point out that they did a bad job of making Courtney look younger! They just give an adult two pigtails and call it a day. They hear a noise, prompting Valerie to check it out. While she goes outside, Courtney goes to her room to sneak a peek at a Playgirl Magazine with Sylvester Stallone on it. YUM!

The Collinsport Historical Society: Monster Serial: THE SLUMBER PARTY  MASSACRE, 1982

Jeff and Neil, arrive and spy on the girls while they change clothes, giving more of an opportunity for unnecessary nudity! Can you imagine if they did this with dudes? Oh yeah, that’s right…boys don’t have slumber parties. That’s gay!

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) | 31 Days of Horror: Oct 22 | RetroZap

Diane goes to the garage to get some firewood and is spooked by a snail. GASP! Mr. Contant comes from behind with his meat cleaver and kills it. MY HERO! She goes back inside leaving Mr. Contant alone to be killed with a good ole’ drill through the neck. Trish notices Russ’s silhouette in the dark, and then finds my Barbie doll wedged in the window covered in blood. My poor baby! Her and Diane go back into the garage to check it out. Nothing.

Valerie is now doing her homework like a good kid. I will say, I love her lavender chiffon blouse! Off subject, I’m gay. I like fashion sometimes. Deal with it. She continuously checks out the neighbors. We cut to Courtney still reading her dirty magazine, getting caught by Valerie. She confiscates the piece. Courtney, like any other teenager denies doing anything with it. Valerie then pulls a used banana peel next to her bed. “Oh really?” OHMYGOD! GROSS!

Diane sneaks into the bathroom with Trish’s telephone as she talks dirty before getting caught by the other girls laughing at her poor smutty talking. The three are so high at this point, so anything involving a mouth made them laugh out loud. The power suddenly goes out. GASP! The four of them go back into the garage to the fuse box. Setting up for another crescendo of spookiness. They get startled by Jeff and Neil. Jeff gets whapped in the face with a flashlight.

Diane asks Trish permission to go with her boyfriend to do sexy time. She asks him to park in the garage. They make out for a minute and wants Diane to go to his place for a home run. She walks into the other girls, putting hotdogs on Jeff’s eye, since they don’t have steaks. I love a good hotdog on the eye!

Valerie gave Courtney a makeover…and fails. It is pretty busted! Courtney wants to crash the party like a normal preteen.

Pin on Horror

Diane goes to his car to find him decapitated and is murdered as well after being chased in the locked garage. She collapses to the floor in terror as you see Russ’s legs with a long drill bit in between it…phallic.

Splatter Time Fun Fest 2012: The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) | Bill's  Movie Emporium

The girls order pizza and, while on the phone with their coach, Rachel Jana, the girls answer the door and find the pizza delivery man with his eyes drilled out. I was more suprised that the pizza was only six bucks! I hate how things are so expensive now! Anyway, back to the drilled eye sockets.

Women in Horror: The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) - Psycho Drive-In

Gross. The phone gets disconnected from the coach, now causing her to be concerned. She calls Valerie, to request her to check it out. Valerie has no interest in helping them. She is too busy drinking all that milk! Coach decides to check it out herself.

Pin on Horror Queens

The teens arm themselves with dull ass knives as Jeff and Neil run for help at Valerie’s. Neil goes out the back through the garage, and finds Diane hanging from the rafters, before getting impaled from behind. Jeff goes out the front door and makes it to Valerie’s house. He is pounding on her door, but she is too tied up with watching a scary black and white movie. She ignores it all until it’s too late, Russ disarms the weak ass kitchen knife and continuously stabs him to death. He carries Jeff’s body to the trunk of the car, counts the bodies, noticing one is missing.

The girls are inside, guarding themselves at the fireplace. The observe the pizza delivery boy, feeling sorry for him. Then comes the best line in the movie.

Kim- “He feels cold.”

Jackie- “Is the pizza?”

Kim- “Oh god!”

Jackie- “Life goes on after all, and eating makes me feel better. And boy do I feel bad.” *Takes bite* “I feel better already. I really do.”

Scream Series: The Slumber Party Massacre Deconstructs the Mold — Musée  Magazine

That is one of my favorite lines in slasher history! I laughed out loud when I first saw that scene!

Pizza time gets interrupted as Neil crawls to the back door, screaming before Russ finishes him off. The three girls flee.

Women in Horror: The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) - Psycho Drive-In

Valerie notices Courtney is missing and sees her waling across the street towards Trish’s house. I would be so pissed if I was her babysitter! Courtney hides when she notices Valerie following her. Valerie knocks on the door, hears nothing and walks to the back. Jackie goes to let her in, but gets her throat slashed by the drill as Russ meets her. Trish and Kim barricade themselves in Trish’s bedroom.

Andree Honore | Cinemorgue Wiki | Fandom

Valerie finds Courtney before a storm starts to erupt. Valerie tells her to go home as she feels suspicious of the lack of anything at this point. Where’s the music? Where’s the booze? Where’s the drugs? Where’s the strippers? She lets herself in the front door. Kim hears her and wants to go to her from inside the room. Trish advises them to wait since they knew what happened to Jackie. Russ sneaks through the open window, without a screen or anything. Some house! He then kills Kim with a dull kitchen knife in the gut after a little struggling and tearing up the bedroom.

WIHM The Slumber Party Massacre: What can a Slasher Film say about gender?  – Screen Queens

Trish flees. Russ tries to find her but was unsuccessful. She was hiding in a garment bag in the closet. I think that’s a great idea. However, how dare you disrespect clothing like that!

Valerie and Courtney enter the house. Courtney wants a beer, opening the fridge while looking away, Kim’s body is rocking back and forth in there.

Señor GIF - chill out - Greatest GIFs Of All Time - Pronounced GIF or JIF?  - Cheezburger

They eventually find her dead and hide from Russ as he comes down the stairs. Valerie hides in the basement, while Courtney hides under a couch. I never knew couches were able to fit anybody underneath! Russ gives up on his search, and tosses the delivery boy down the basement, scaring Valerie and influencing her to take action to save Courtney. Russ then makes himself cozy on the living room floor for a good night’s sleep for some stupid reason. You know, this would be more of a fun slumber party if you kept everybody alive RUSS! Coach Jana, having grown concerned over the phone call earlier, arrives, and is confronted by Russ.

NECA and Scream Factory Join Forces for Special Slumber Party Massacre  Release | Dead Entertainment

They start to fight, drill vs. fireplace poker. Valerie tries to save the day with a electric saw, but didn’t realize that they are plugged in and gets pulled back for I dunno…needing to be plugged in! Courtney saves the day and trips Russ, giving Coach an opportunity to be a dumbass and beat him with the flat end of the poker. Not even the pointed end. Trish comes out to stab him. As Coach stops Trish from further stabs, Russ gets up and disembowels her with the drill. Trish is helpless as Russ tells them that they are all pretty. One of the only lines he says is “It takes a lot of love for a person to do this.”

Watch The Slumber Party Massacre | Prime Video
Robin Stille | Cult Celebrities

Valerie then emerges and chases Russ with a machete out to the pool in the backyard, cutting the head of the drill bit off before severing his hand and slicing his stomach open. He falls into the pool, and the day has been saved! She drops the machete and is welcomed by Courtney where they have a sisterly love moment. Russ emerges and attacks them once more, Trish pushes him back, but his focus was strictly on Valerie, who finally kills him with the machete as he lunges onto her. Valerie and Trish break down in tears as Courtney looks on in shock.

DVD Talk

Let’s hand out some awards!

The Haunted Hunk award for some strange reason will go to our killer with the huge drill. Russ! Something about him in his all denim look with his dad bod makes me feel some sort of way. Sue me!

The Killer Slay-aka best kill-will go to the pizza delivery boy. It is gruesome and without his death there wouldn’t be one of the best lines in horror coming from Miss Jackie!

The Basic Beheading-aka worst kill- is going to go to Linda. There was nothing shown as to how she died. All you see is a drill going through the door and a primal scream. I understand that in horror, the scene ending means everything to the pace of the film. I was just wanting a little more.

Overall Rating- 8.2 out of 10 ********

I am a little ashamed to admit that I just watched this movie last year. I have missed out on gold! I love the concept of this movie. The flow of the story went pretty smooth. There is some cheesy humor that goes with it which, at this point if you have been following my beatdowns…I love. I wish that there is some more in certain parts. For example, I wish that Russ would say a little more as to why he is all batshit crazy. I could also do with a little less boobage. If you are into the female anatomy…you may love that.

If you have seen or heard of this movie…comment below about what you like or dislike!

And there you have it! Another beatdown in the archives! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, we are going to take a little field trip to the, “House of Wax.”

If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Also, if you love horror just as much as I do, preorder your copy of my debut novel Cardinal Rules. In the Books section, you can select one of the links on where you would like to purchase!

Until next time…keep slaying!

Movie Beatdown-Child’s Play

Welcome to another episode of my newly not so acclaimed, Movie beatdown! We will talk all things with horror movies and television. We will cover everything from slashers to slayers. Beheadings to bitches…I’ll talk about all of it!

This breakdown is “Child’s Play”. Now, the purpose of the beatdown is to dissect these movies, so if you don’t want the movie spoiled…don’t read the content below. This breakdown is like Wikipedia…just with more pee. You have been warned! If you don’t have time to watch the movie and would like a quick synopsis, then keep reading and let me tell you all about this movie from my gay eyes. It’s like a synop-sis!

Child’s Play is a 1988 American supernatural slasher film directed and co-written by Tom Holland, and produced by David Kirschner from a story by the legendary Don Mancini. It is the first film in the Child’s Play series and the first installment to feature the character Chucky. It stars Brad Dourif, Catherine Hicks, Chris Sarandon, Alex Vincent and Dinah Manoff. Hicks plays a widowed mother who gives a doll to her son played by Vincent, unaware that the doll is possessed by the soul of a serial killer played by Dourif.

Child’s Play was released in the United States on November 9, 1988, by MGM/UA Communications Co. It grossed more than $44 million against a production budget of $9 million.

Along with the film gaining a cult following, the box office success spawned a media franchise that includes a series of six sequels, merchandise, comic books, and a reboot film of the same name released in the summer of 2019. Child’s Play was distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, although the rights to the series were sold to Universal Pictures in 1990, right before production on Child’s Play 2 started. MGM retained the rights to the first film and, as such, distributed the 2019 reboot.

Without further ado…let’s get to the beatdown.

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We start the movie in 1988, on a quaint night…just kidding, a police chase, where Charles Lee Ray, a fugitive and serial killer, runs through the streets of South Side, Chicago by homicide detective Mike Norris, played by Chris Sarandon…aka Humperdinck in the Princess Bride.

The princess bride GIF on GIFER - by Nikom
The Adventures of Blogger Mike: Playland Toy Store - "Child's Play" Filming  Location - Chicago, IL

He shoots Charles multiple times and hits him. Charles’s accomplice, Eddie Caputo, escapes alone in a getaway vehicle like a loyal partner in crime. Charles breaks into a toy store where Mike shoots him again. Charles, realizing that he is dying and swears that he will get his revenge on Mike as well as Eddie Caputo.

Sticky Red: A Bodycount Compendium: Golden Title: Child's Play (1988)

He collapses dramatically on a pile of toys. Calm down Charles…it’s just a gunshot wound to the chest. He performs a Haitian voodoo spell to transfer his soul to one of the Good Guy dolls, causing the store to be struck by lightning and explode. I want to point out that the dolls are very creepy. Red heads have taken quite the beating from society with being compared to characters like these dolls! That and the Weasleys…maybe even Ron Howard too! Mike survives the explosion and re-enters the store, only to find Charles’s corpse and the doll.

The next day, little kid Andy Barclay is in the kitchen cooking his mom, the widow Karen Barclay, or better known as Catherine Hicks from 90’s kids television show 7th Heaven, where she plays with a bad man, who was the husband, who later in his career, confessed to having sexual misconduct to multiple minors. Not on the show…in real life. Anyway, back to the extremely unappetizing meal. He overpours cereal and burns toast. He should be competing in “Worst Chefs in America.” He would probably be the first one eliminated. He even spills the mild on his way to her room…tragic. By the way, what kind of a child would cook for their parent on HIS birthday?! What the hell? Karen gives Andy his birthday raspberries…which all I can think of is the scene from family guy where Lois is drunk while doing that to Stewie, ending up vomiting all over him. LOL!

She allows him to open his presents and the box that looked similar to a Good Guy box ended up being clothes. Andy was disappointed. How ungrateful. We fast forward to Karen at work in a cheap jewelry counter where her friend and coworker Maggie informs her of a doll that was being sold by a peddler in the back alley. Hot. Maggie even said that “I think I dated him.” No, you didn’t Maggie…no you didn’t.

Child's Play (1988) | and you call yourself a scientist!?

Karen then gets pressured to work the night shift due to call ins, missing out on her son’s birthday. I do not miss my days in retail…not one bit! I hated when they would do that to you, forcing the impression that it is your responsibility as an employee to fill the open shifts. Andy was excited to finally have the doll. He introduces himself as “Chucky,”.

The Top Ten Chucky Movies – These Are Media Things
The Children of the Corn... Chucky, and Cousin Itt

That evening, Chucky and Andy play with his tool set, where Chucky is more focused on the news with the breaking story of Charles Lee Ray’s death. Maggie doesn’t allow them to watch the news and gets the two ready for bed. While Andy is brushing his teeth (poorly), The doll ends up in the living room watching the news alone.

Child's Play 1988 kid brushing teeth poorly - Album on Imgur

Maggie was frustrated with the assumption that Andy turned the TV back on and placed Chucky there. After Andy’s bedtime, Maggie finds Chucky sitting in front of a television tuned to a late-night newscast about Charles Lee Ray. She returns the doll to the bed. She enjoys her alone time and is slowly creeped out by the noises she hears and assumes that Andy has gotten up from bed. Shit is moved around the apartment which is creepy. Everything has its place, and Andy shouldn’t mess with the Fung Shui of the apartment! Rude! She finds something out of the ordinary, that isn’t shown to the audience at this time, but hits her in the face with a hammer, startling her as she falls through a window and dies.

Child's Play (1/12) Movie CLIP - Chucky's First Victim (1988) HD animated  gif

The scene ends with the curtains drifting out the broken window. Now, Karen has to pay her utility bill to heat the outside. Nice!

Karen comes home to find a swarm of police outside her building, getting to her apartment where police are investigating. Well, almost all of them. One was on the couch reading the newspaper. Our tax dollars going to good use! Karen was worried that something happened to Andy, and shortly after was relieved that it wasn’t the case. She did find out that Maggie was the victim and now gets questioned by Detective Norris, Detective Norris who considers Andy a suspect based on tiny footprints on the spilled flour in the kitchen. Maggie could’ve at least cleaned up before falling out the window. She is definitely not getting paid! Karen becomes frustrated that Andy is being considered a suspect. I’m also sensing some sexual tension between the two. Maybe she is into handcuffs. Before going back to bed, Andy finds flour on the bottom of Chucky’s shoes, telling the police about it. Much to our surprise, nobody believes him. Maybe Chucky was playing with his Easy Bake Oven?  As Karen prepares herself for some much needed alone time, she overhears Andy talking and finds him sitting on the floor talking to his doll. Does he not know the meaning of bedtime?! She asks him more about Chucky to inquire further. Andy then tells her that his name is Charles Lee Ray and that “Maggie is a real bitch and got what she deserved.” What kind of birthday child has the entitlement to get away with all of these shenanigans today? He should really be on Problem Child! God, I loved that movie! Karen tucks him back into bed for the evening to end Andy’s day of mischief. Tomorrow is no longer your birthday. You are now on an equal playing field as the rest of us! Behave!

Your Friend To The End - The Child's Play Franchise (1988 - 2013) -  flickfeast

The next morning, Karen walks Andy to school with Chucky. As soon as she leaves, Andy walks out a different exit to skip school and take the Chicago “L” train downtown. I guess we haven’t seen the last of this misbehaving kid. Maybe he should be the new Damien in “The Omen.” While on the train, he keeps whispering into Chucky’s ears.

Child's Play | Movies, Films & Flix

I can’t help but to insert my own dialogue to make the scene funny. Like, Alaska in RuPaul’s Drag Race…” Your makeup is terrible.” HAHA!

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He get off under the bridge to homeless city and is led to an abandoned home. While Andy is distracted with a sudden potty break, Chucky sneaks into Eddie’s house and kills him by causing a gas explosion with the open oven.

Eddie Caputo | The Chucky Wiki | Fandom

Karen’s day is interrupted with a call to the police station, where Andy is again considered a suspect and is admitted to a psychiatric hospital after claiming again that Chucky is responsible for the murder.

Child's Play (1988) dir. Tom Holland | BOSTON HASSLE

Karen goes home and is left with the weird looking doll. She starts losing her own mind and starts talking to Chucky to see what all of the fuss is with her demented child. At first, the doll just says its normal scripted lines. In frustration, she goes back to the kitchen to look at the box it came in. When Karen picks up the Good Guys box and drops a battery pack, Karen realizes that Chucky has been running without them the whole time. GASP! Well, it saves her the money to buy more! Enervated, looks at the back of the battery pack and notices they are empty, where Chucky then says his line a little more creepily while turning his head all the way around, exorcist style.

The Rare “Child's Play” VHS Screener Footage From 1989 | Nightmare Nostalgia

Karen becomes startled and drops him. When she finally picks him back up, she lights a fire and threatens to burn Chucky, causing him to violently come to life in her arms. “You stupid bitch, you filthy slut, I’ll teach you to fuck with me!”

Child's Play - The very first Chucky movie - yay or nay | Page 5 | Lipstick  Alley
Child's Play' 30th Anniversary Midnight Screening with Tom Holland -  PopHorror

One of the most iconic scenes in horror history. He attacks her with biting, like a normal child would do…He’s a real boy! Once she frees herself from his clutches, Chucky runs out of the apartment. Karen chases after him, but Chucky escapes.

Karen goes to the police station and explains what happened, but Mike doesn’t believe her. Since nobody is willing to work with her, she goes all rogue and tries to figure everything out herself. Karen runs down to homeless city to find the peddler and asks for more information about where he found the doll. The funny thing is that all of the homeless folk all have nice teeth, except for the peddler. I want to know their dentist! As the peddler tries to sexually assault her, Mike rescues her and the couple force the peddler to admit that he took the doll from the demolished toy store. Mike then realized that the doll came from the same store that he was at the night Charles Lee Ray was killed. Karen again tries to convince Mike that the doll is alive, but he refuses to believe her, like the cocky police officer he is, not willing to face the facts. After bringing Karen home, Mike is attacked by Chucky, while he is driving, attempting to strangle him and then stab him in his man parts from underneath the seat, causing him to eventually flip the car over.

☆CHUCKY ATTACKS MIKE - CHILD'S PLAY *FULL SCENE🔪 💀1080pHD✓ - YouTube

In the fight that follows, Chucky is shot and his wound inexplicably bleeds and causes pain. It was really funny how he fell backwards while he was shot. 1980’s effects are super cheesy, and I LOVE IT! Chucky got a little too cocky with assuming that he couldn’t be harmed…you know what they say about assuming…ass.

How 'Child's Play' Survived Bad Test Screenings to Become a Horror Classic  | Hollywood Reporter

The next day, Karen goes to Charle’s old apartment and guuuurl, does he need to find a gay friend to help with his decorating! I can’t even! Mike meets up with Karen and updates her of his attack and says that he is into voodoo and spends a lot of time with his instructor.

Chucky runs away with his former voodoo instructor John, who informs him that the longer Chucky remains on the doll, the more human he will become. That’s what you get for taking your sweet time prancing around in a toy and assuming that you are unable to be harmed! Chucky demands that John help him reverse the spell, but John refuses. It’s going back to my retail days with the customer refusing to read the fine print of store policies and goes all “I want to speak to your manager,” on John.

Latest Creepy Doll GIFs | Gfycat

Chucky’s hair does have the capacity to have the appropriate hairstyle to do so! Chucky grabs a voodoo doll from John and uses it to break his leg and arm. John reveals that in order to escape the doll, Chucky must transfer his soul to Andy, the first human he was revealed to. How exciting, Chucky can not only act immature, but be old enough to get away with it! How lovely! Chucky stabs the voodoo doll in the chest and escapes. Karen and Mike arrive shortly after. Before dying, John tells them that although Chucky is a doll, his heart is fully human at this point and vulnerable to fatal injuries. I just can’t believe that Chucky has a heart, and the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz struggles to find one. How unfair!

Child's Play (1988) | and you call yourself a scientist!?

Chucky arrives at the hospital where Andy is being held. Andy notices that Chucky is on his way to get him. The doctor doesn’t believe him, naturally. He escapes by using his arsenal of tricks and things to hide.

Confused Child'S Play GIF by HULU - Find & Share on GIPHY

The doctor finds Andy and tries to sedate him but gets attacked by Chucky and electrocuted to death by the electroshock machine. Maybe that type of treatment shouldn’t be administered? The struggle between Andy and the doctor with the sedative does reminds me of people refusing to get a COVID vaccine. That’s all I will say about that topic. I’m not going to go into science or politics…just let’s resume with the movie!

Andy escapes once again and flees home. We cut to the elevator where an elderly couple find Chucky riding up with him. The woman says its ugly right as they leave. Chucky then curses at them. I thought that was pretty funny! Chucky breaks into the apartment through the chimney like good ole’ Santa Claus and knocks him unconscious with a baseball bat.

Blu-Ray Review: Child's Play (Collector's Edition)

As Chucky prepares to possess him, Karen and Mike arrive to stop him.  Chucky cuts Mike’s leg, but then Karen throws him into the fireplace. Andy regains consciousness and drops a lit match on it, burning Chucky to a fine crisp. Before doing so, NOW chucky wants to be his friend and calms down. A little late for that. Excuse me, waiter…but my food is burnt. I can’t eat this!

Karen and Andy leave the room to help Mike. As Andy goes to find a first aid kit, he notices that a charred Chucky escape from the fireplace and eventually chases Andy. They play tag in the apartment and run around in circles a few times.

Child's Play (1988) - Rivers of Grue

Chucky stabs Karen in the hand as she holds the door closed to try and protect her son. Karen shoots Chucky multiple times, dismembering an arm, leg, head, and is again presumed dead. Mike’s partner Jack arrives at the apartment, initially refusing to believe the trio’s story as he messes with the evidence…like a good cop normally does. Eyeroll. Chucky’s body suddenly bursts through a vent to strangle Jack. During the fight, Mike shoots Chucky in the heart and eventually defeats him. Jack then tells him that no one would believe him. Because people suck!

Top 30 Child's Play Movie GIFs | Find the best GIF on Gfycat

Jack, Mike, Karen, and Andy all leave the room, and a freeze-frame shot captures Andy’s horrified face, having clearly been scarred by the experience, as the screen fades to black.

Let’s hand out some awards.

The Haunted Hunk award by default will have to go to Detective Mike. There are very limiting male characters, as it only follows Karen and Andy mostly. Jack was a complete moron, as well as the doctor and Eddie. So, you are lucky mister Mikey! But you are no Magic Mike!

The Killer Slay-aka best kill-will go to the doctor. There are very few deaths in this movie. Apart from Charles Lee Ray in the first scene, there are only four or so that get killed. The doctor was killed by a medically unorthodox practice which is poetic.

The Basic Beheading-aka worst kill- will go to Eddie. The buildup was nice before the house exploded, but I think what would be better is if he saw chucky in doll form before being killed, making a “gotcha” moment really work for that scene.

Overall Rating- 8.7 out of 10 ********

Overall, I love this movie! It is a classic that will never die, unlike Chucky in his assumptions. This movie has scared many children for years. It is pretty genius that a doll would terrorize people. The fact that they used robotics to make this happen convincingly back then is something that you should respect! Plus, I love the effects of the doll getting thrown back when it’s shot. I don’t know why it’s so funny to me!

Child's Play - Chucky's Death on Make a GIF

And I can’t help but compare Chucky’s behavior to the terrible twos!

Movie Review: Child's Play (1988) | by Patrick J Mullen | As Vast as Space  and as Timeless as Infinity | Medium

If you have seen or heard of this movie…comment below about what you like or dislike!

And there you have it! Another beatdown in the archives! I will be posting these recaps as often as I can! I will be at least doing these bi-weekly. You may be lucky enough to get them weekly. It will just depend on the workload with my writing. Next post, I will be taking a break and will be going to my friend’s house for some much needed sleep. Since we are in a pandemic, I can’t do that. So we will all have to settle for, “Slumber Party Massacre” instead! If you don’t want to be spoiled…do your homework and watch it ahead of time, so that you follow along with my synopsis and understand the humor I attach to horror. If there is anything you would like for me to add in my beatdowns, have movie suggestions, or even have any feedback to give me, go to the “Contact” section of my website and shoot me an email.

Don’t take my comments or humor too seriously. After all…it’s just HORROR! And horror is sooo gay…right?

Until next time…keep slaying!